Guys Always Wish They Had a Large Penis, But...

I've got what all you guys want, and let me tell you, it's not always so great. In fact, I'd rather have an average size penis. Mine isn't even as huge as they come. I measured it at 8 inches. My stupid, oversize dick causes at least five problems:

1. During sex with my wife, and all but one girlfriend before that, I can't just jump right in. My dick hits the back of their vagina, or their cervix, and it hurts them. Instead, I have to go in slowly, and keep the last inch out. Dudes, I can't push in all the way! If you don't immediately understand how difficult that is, try it with your significant other next time. Make sure you always stop one inch short of going all the way in. One girlfriend must have been constructed different. She just loved having my rod banging all the way into her. I think she was having some pain, but was one of those masochistic people who like such things.

2. If I should become hard in my pants when in public, it is way too obvious. This used to trouble me tremendously in school, when I might be asked to give a presentation when I was having one of those awkward adolescent and teenage unwanted erections.

3. Related to the previous item, when I get hard in my pants, the thing hurts because it is all bound up.

4. I'm not gay, but I have nothing against gay guys. Homosexuality just doesn't interest me. The thing is, my dick is like a sign that says, "Come and get it," whenever I'm in a public shower or naked situation. The guys all come around and insinuate in various ways or just come right out and say that they want to have sex with me.

5. It makes me feel like a freak of nature.

So guys, be happy with your normal size dicks.