To print this page, use your browser's "print" button. Then click back to return to the site.



logo



What I Think About As a 21 year old Virgin

So to start off, I'm kinda fat. Like not hanging all over the place fat, but just noticeably fat. I'm a USA size 14-16. You might think that I must eat a lot or something, but I don't. I eat pretty healthy, consume about 1,500 calories, love to ride bike, and was a vegetarian for two years.  My issues is genetics more than anything. However, this is not what this is about. I have pretty gray eyes, a nice smile, and what have been described as "dolly lips".

So, naturally, you would think that someone must be chill with a little extra to love, and you would be right. I've been in 5 relationships, male and female and trans, but I'm still a virgin. I seem to have the habit of picking people who live far away from me, or don't want to come out of the closet.

Being pansexual, getting my jimmies off has always been hard to do. I mean normal porn just doesn't tackle that emotional sex act side I crave. This also means I didn't experience an orgasm until about half a year ago. Being the creative girl I am, I discovered the nice vibrations of my facial cleanse brush, when I take the brush part off. 

So, this started the hunger for sex. I'm pretty shy, and can never tell people how I feel. I currently have my eyes set on a freshman guy, we will call him Jarrett. Girls are too up in the air to try for in such a small private college. The first time we ever really talked, I told him that I was a pansexual, and he knew what that was! Jarrett is one of those type of guys where he isn't super tall or muscular, but would look cute as a button without his glasses. Definitely has a lot of qualities I like. I also like how his thick blonde hair curls at the ends. He seems to like me, but he's shy like me. Like he just comes up and talks to me, but we do belong to the same club, so maybe he is just trying to be friendly outside of club. It doesn't feel that way though, especially when he looks at me the way he does. While voting for the movie for movie night, he voted for my movie because I asked him to, even though it is a girly movie. I also caught him looking at my chest once.

I'm not innocent though. I purposely talk about sexual things around him (I'm studying psychology and specializing in gender and sex therapy, so it isn't too out there). I also play with my hair a lot and make sure to always make my mouth interesting by moving my tongue by my lips, putting on lip balm, and eating and drink things in a more sexual way than normal.

His skin looks really soft for a guy, and I have to restrain myself from touching him to see if it really is. When I see Jarrett, I imagine just going up to him, kissing him, and grabbing his crotch through his jeans. I then imagine how he would respond if he knew my thoughts. Would he like it? Can he tell I flirt with him? Did he notice I rode back from the convention in the same car he was in on purpose? I wonder about if he would let me just suck and jack him off. He just looks like he has a really good looking dick. Not like super big, but just good, you know?

 The one time I saw him looking at my chest I just wanted to scream at him to touch my breasts, but we were in public, and I'm too shy. I'm a C or D cup depending on the bra. So, not huge, but very easy to grab. I often think if only he knew the things I do to myself while thinking about him. If only he knew a girl only 1/4th of a mile from his dorm touches herself to the thought of him. What would he think if he saw how wet I get?

I imagine that blonde head between my legs. I imagine his tongue teasing my clitorus. I imagine grabbing his cute little ass as he fucks me to my first vaginal orgasm. I've only had clitoral orgasms, and they always leave my legs shaking, aftershock tremors going through my body, and me wanting more.

Sometimes, I imagine these entire scenarios in my head of just knocking on his dorm door, and telling him all the things I want to do with him. I want to tell him all the things I'm willing to do. I've imagined fucking him in the ass with a strap on like I would to a girl. I imagine the higher pitched moans he would make as he jacks his dick and begs me not to stop. I imagine him sitting there masturbating to me masturbating. I wonder what his kinks are, a lot. I've imagined him being into bdsm and tying me up. I would love if he made me call him sir, and punished me when I didn't. I've imagined fucking a girl in front of him and kissing him with my mouth tasting like her. 

It all comes down to if this 19 year old guy likes me. I rationalize to myself that he probably would fuck any living, breathing girl around his age who isn't a complete swamp monster, but then again...maybe he isn't like other guys. Jarrett is a nice guy, but nice guys also get horny. I'd honestly be okay if he just wanted a fuck buddy. I would love more, but I wouldn't push it on him.

Jarrett also dresses nicer than a lot of guys here. His clothes are always very clean looking and fit him just right. He also smells nice even when he sweats, which I can say with confidence is not something most guys here can do. This may not seem sexual, but for me, it just makes me dream about him even more. I imagine taking those clothes off. I imagine small beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he fucks me into oblivion. 

I've imagined Jarrett in almost every way I can, but I'm tired of imagining. I want the real thing. Should I tell him?



Posted on: 2018-04-01 12:01:01 | Author: