Thoughts from a pubescent girl.

The first thing I noticed was a heavier discharge into my panties. Not only was it heavier, but it began to have a nice musky scent that I rather liked. I also noticed that whenever anything sexy was on TV that it would make me very wet, sometimes to the point of showing through my panties. 

Of course, I was interested in sex and everything to do with it. I would touch myself and it didn't take long to find that sweet little button. I was scared of my vagina though, and of my hymen in particular. Having something inside me was something I wanted, but I didn't want the pain of popping my cherry....and I didn't know how much I would bleed either. I knew one girl who said it hurt like fuck and she bled a lot. As it happened, it hardly hurt at all, and I didn't bleed much, I would watch other girls in the showers at school, and it was definite that some of them took a long time washing their boobs and pussies....I'm sure I saw at least one girl cum. 

But when I would rub myself, I would get his tremendous feeling.....it felt like I was going to wet myself and I would shut it down. (Idiot that I am, I didn't yet know how wonderful peeing during an orgasm is, and I hadn't experimented with panty wetting on purpose yet). Night after night, and sometimes several times a night, I would give myself this overwhelming feeling, but stop short when I felt I couldn't take it any more. 

I told a friend about it and she said I was being "a fucking idiot! Don't you realise that's an orgasm your about to have? Put a couple of towels on the bed, and just fucking go fo it!" So I did! That first grams had been preceded by about a weeks worth of edging, and when it hit, it hit hard and long. I couldn't help but cry out and it seemed like my world splintered into shards of colour and sound. Every sensation added to the exctacy, even when I gave myself cramp curling my toes up helped! When you're cumming, everything changes. 

Of course, for one week a month I was out of action.....until that same friend, who now looked on me like I was some kind of special needs case said "You really do need help. When you're on, there is increased blood (like yuck) to all your sexual organs....cumming during a period might be messy, but it feels amazing!" It took me a while to work out how, and to actually pluck up the courage to do it. Certainly my miserably small tits felt far more sensitive, and my clit felt permanently hard. I also noticed that, in addition to the blood, I was wet too. Now that I use tampons, and I know a whole lot more about how I'm built, I know it's my Bartholins glands producing vaginal moisture. But, one night, I stood in the shower. It was day three of amy period, and I felt really horny. I leaned back against the wall and ran the water over my body. Then I started touching my clit. I hadn't masturbated standing up before, and I was to discover that this adds a certain flavour to an orgasm. Anyway, I remember I came really fast. It also made me bleed more as my womb contracted with the cum, but it was worth it. Now, of course, I can masturbate with a tampon in using it as a small cock. Finger on the end of the tampon....little wiggle....and it feels nice!

I read something here today that made me angry...a lovely first time story that contained the words "nice girls don't." How dare ANYONE give a girl that message? Sex is wonderful, sweet, personal and not in any way shameful. I went to a Catholic school, and we had nuns on the staff. I used to feel a real sympathy for them, especially the younger ones, forced into this unnatural state of celibacy, but I tell you what...I bet you anything you like that each and every one of those nuns masturbates. And so they should! 

Sister Mary was only around her late 20s. Easily the youngest nun by far id ever known. She had come-to-bed eyes, and under that black habit, a nice figure too. We often wondered about her. She looked far too pretty to be a nun, and since she taught us sex ed, and did it with a real passion, we figured she knew something about the subject on a personal level. Of course, being nasty little schoolgirls, we tried to embarrass this lovely nun, but they say it's impossible to shock a nun, and no matter what we asked.....or what language we used, she just calmly answered our questions. One day, though, she gave a little speech....and I wonder to this day why, and what made her do it. 

"Sex isn't a sin, girls. Don't let anyone tell you it is. God gave your bodies the most wonderful capacity for pleasure, whether with another or on your own. It is not sinful to masturbate. It is not sinful to have sex with someone you love. But sex IS a gift, and like any gift, it can be abused. Don't let your bodies be defiled by people who are not worth your time. An emotional involvement,....a commitment.....is necessary. If, no, when you masturbate, you are learning what your body likes, what pleases you. How can you physically love another if you don't know what pleases you?"

And it went on to cover homosexuality, oral and anal sex. One thing is for certain, this little outburst was certainly NOT in line with church teaching! Then she said "Some of the most horrific things have happened as a result of imposed celibacy, or denial of who and what we truly are." It was shortly after she said all this thatthe church sex abuse scandal broke. Well, of course some priests, monks and nuns were going to find this repression of their natural instincts too much to bear! Some beat young people, others abused them sexually. And all because priests can't marry....what a fuck,up! 

But Sister Mary had spoken about masturbating with others, and you could tell, looking around the class that some of the girls were definitely up for trying that out. I think that when we sat on the school wall flashing our panties at passers by, we were also flashing at each other. I also know that when I was off PE and was in the changing rooms alone, I would find other girls underwear and smell them....and I know I wasn't the only girl who did this. I actually caught Eva (someone I knew at school) with a pair of panties in one hand, and the other jammed into her own knickers. She was too close to stop and came as I looked at her. We explored.....we noticed as only girls do......and sometimes, we played around with each other. 

I think generally, girls are much more open to homosexual experiences than boys are. They seem to be very wary of each other, and ridicule any form of arousal. Chris tells me that sometimes boys would have a semi after games, and they would have the piss ripped out of them mercilessly. Not so in our changing rooms. Erect nipples, flared nostrils, and the scent or arousal went uncommented on, but there were a shedload of meaningful looks, and little sighs. Girls are more 'touchy freely' so is it really any wonder that a light touch will become more....and develop into a quick mutual masturbation session? 

I knew a girl called Janna. Janna was always talking about how she had been caught short, and had wet herself. It seemed to be her 'thing', and judging by the number of times she would tell us about it, it happened in various places quite a lot. "I got locked out....I was running around desperate, and I wet myself". It took me a while before I recognised the look in her eyes as she said the last three words. "I wet myself". There would be a sudden dilation of her pupils, and flaring of her nostrils, sometimes there would be a faint flush too. One day, I decided to test out my theory. We were walking together on the hills behind the school. She had just told me of yet another 'accident' and I said  "you know, Janna, I think you like wetting your pants.You talk about it a lot. In fact, I dreamed about it last night. You and I were walking on the beach when you suddenly said you needed to pee. There was something in the way you said it. I moved round behind you, listen your skirt and we both squatted together. Then I put my hand over your panties, and you wet yourself. And then.....well....that wasn't all that happened." Janna was almost dancing from foot to foot with anticipation. "Ooh! I'd LOVE that! What did we do?" Now, I have pretty weird dreams sometimes, and in this dream, for some reason, I had a cock as well as a quim, and I'd fucked her, but I did t tell her that. "Well, I fingered you off." We walked on in silence for,about a quarter of a mile before she suddenly stopped and said "I need a pee" I knew what she wanted, so we did exactly what my dream said.  We squatted, she peed her panties, onto my hand, and I fingered her off. I think it was that that got me hooked on panty peeing myself. She looked totally into it, and when she orgasmed, she shuddered and said "Ohh Claire, Youve no fucking idea how sexy it feels to do this" !aybe not at that time, but shortly afterwards I did! 

And finally, that memorable night. The night when I'd already cum, but knew I needed more. I needed something inside me. Any girl will tell you that cumming while having something to contract around is a different story. I knew I didn't want to do it with a man though. I want to enjoy sex with a partner, not be worried about whether the pain would put either or both of us off. And for a few nights, that candle had looked very appealing. I remember positioning it, and thinking well, there's no turning back now. I remember imagining that it was a cock, and the feeling as it slipped inside me. I also remember the crashing orgasm as my quim contracted around something firm and unyielding for the first time.....it felt really really fucking tremendous! I have no regrets. My first fuck with a man was unincumbered by fear or apprehension. (I did make myself yelp so he thought he had broken me in).

Well...there you are.....random thoughts and memories.