In Class and Instruction

Recently I was spending the afternoon with my nephew. He's just turned thirteen, and he's starting to think about sex and sexual topics. He said, "You know what would probably be the most embarrassing thing that could happen?"

 

I smiled and asked what he thought it might be.

 

"Wearing basketball shorts and having to get up in front of class...and getting an erection."

 

I laughed, but disagreed. "I think it would be even more embarrassing if someone pulled down your shorts and underwear, so the whole class could see exactly how big your penis is."

 

"Or how small," he replied, agreeing.

 

After a moment, I said, "I've got an even better one. And this one really happened."

 

When I was in seventh grade, my best friend and I had math together. One day, the teacher called my friend up to the front of the class to do a math problem on the blackboard. He tried to decline, but she insisted. When he got up to the front of the class, everybody saw why he didn't want to.

 

So, apparently, he had been sitting in the back of the classroom and had gotten an erection. Instead of waiting for it to subside on its own, he started playing with it through his pants. He wasn't really trying to cum, but he went too far and shot a load that soaked through his underwear and left a dark spot on the front of his khakis, which everyone could see.

 

I told my nephew this story. "So, you know what jerking off is, right?". He nodded, blushing.

 

"So, anyway, don't jerk off at school," I said. "Do it at home all you want, but not at school."

 

"Or don't do it at all," he said.

 

"Why not?" I asked.

 

"Why would you?"

 

"Well, because it feels awesome, for one thing. You mean you don't jerk off?"

 

"No."

 

I was surprised. "Hold up a minute. You've got hair down there, right?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"What do you do when you get an erection? Just let it go down?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"And you never tried jerking off?" I was concerned that maybe he didn't know how.

 

"Nope."

 

"Well, it's your body, do what you want, but if you change your mind, I guarantee that thing between your legs will be your new favorite toy. Basically everybody masturbates because it feels great."

 

He laughed at the toy line, and I changed the subject.

 

A couple hours later, he got quiet, and he said, "can I ask you a question, and promise you won't tell Mom?"

 

I smiled. "Sure, go ahead."

 

He paused, clearly embarrassed. "Ok, so... If I wanted to masturbate... God, I... Never mind." His face was red.

 

"Are you asking me how to do it?"

 

After about 30 seconds he said, "yeah."

 

"Ok, before I answer that, I've got to ask you a question. Are you circumcised?" I honestly didn't know, as I'd never seen him naked, even as a baby.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Ok. Well, the basic idea is that you get an erection, then wrap your hand around your penis and slide it up and down. You will probably want to use some kind of lubrication, like Vaseline or lotion, or they make a product you can use. I'll buy you some if you want."

 

"I've got lotion at home."

 

"Ok. So basically, you grip your dick sort of medium-firm and slide your hand up and down, and when you get a feeling like you're about to pee, rub a little faster, keep going, and you'll have an orgasm. One more tip... Keep some tissues handy, because you'll need to clean up the cum."

 

He made it clear he was done discussing the subject, but a few days later he grinned and said, "hey, you know that thing I asked you about Saturday? Thanks for the info." He offered me a fist-bump. "Best thing ever."