You think we don't know? From shortly after we become (reasonably) comfortable in our newly developed bodies, after the periods have settled down, after the aches that accompany breast development have gone, we start to see things in a different way.
A 'good girl' with a good catholic upbringing and the finest education money can buy, I am anything but in my mind. Especially, in my erotic mind. In there, I am a whore. I am a virgin, I am a schoolgirl, I am a dominatrix, I am a lesbian, and at the same time, utterly heterosexual. In my mind, I am all things.
I fantasize a lot. Sometimes the simplest, and non-sexiest things can arouse me. Have you ever needed to pee so badly that the discomfort becomes pain that in turn becomes pleasure? When that final release happens, can it not be orgasmic? Rape, that most evil of offenses against my gender, can, in the depths of fantasy become erotic, highly charged, and desirable in itself. And pain. I hate pain. I faint if I have blood taken, not at the sight of blood, but the pain of the needle stick. But in my sex life, I can not only endure high levels of pain, but also cum from being hurt alone. When I am in the right mood, my husband can whip me, or torture my nipples until I cum repeatedly. At other times, it leave me cold.
So, married, I write this as I sit at my computer.
I am not naked. I am sitting here in a light cotton bra and dark blu cotton panties. My legs, of course, are slightly apart. Just enough to stretch the material against my already wet cunt. Yes, for me, 'cunt' is the right word. How my teachers at the convent school would disapprove, but then, it is their disapproval that made the 'c' word so attractive to me. I think of my lovely husband. Even he, of course, has no idea of the depths of my fantasy. I don't think any man can truly understand a woman's deepest fantasies without being threatened by them. Ah, if only he knew, as I jacked his cock last night, that I was fantasizing about him just having fucked my best friend. If only he knew that I would like, not to join in, oh no, just to sit and watch him take her and watch that exquisite moment when he cums inside her.
My panties are wet now, visibly wet and I am alternating my typing with some teasing strokes right on the outside of my panties over my clit. Would you like to see my panties and how they cling to my pussy lips? Yes, I am shaven down there. Actually, I had laser treatment to permanently remove the hair. And my clit piercing. You know, the day that was done, I actually came onto the piercers hand. She tells me that it is not unusual, and that in her experience, girls who actually orgasm when it is done derive the greatest pleasure from them afterwards. I know I certainly do.
Would he, my husband, I wonder, like to watch me? For I fantasize often about sex with a total stranger, and more besides. I would love to fuck an older man. I want someone old enough to be my father inside me while Chris watches every sordid detail. I have pulled my panties to one side now, because, when I feel like this, I dont want to be naked. I want the arousal of being partially clothed. Then again, I fantasize about being held down and royally screwed in every hole. I fantasize about being used, being nothing more than a receptacle for cum. Being used in the same way that one may use an ashtray.
If you were here with me now, what would you do? Would you force me? I hope so. If you are female, (something I ache to do, but haven't yet) would you lay me backwards on my bed, or the floor, yes, I think the floor. Would you squat over my face and make me smell your scent on your panties mixed with that highly erotic hint of pee? Claire, my best friend, smells like that, or rather her panties do. Yes, that is the nearest I have come to a lesbian affair, one dirty, sordid little quickie with her panties in her bathroom.
Ah yes, being with another girl. I have imagined such depravity. Oh the kissing, the touching, even the use of toys and dildos. But far FAR more than that. I fantasize about another girl hurting me, about another girl urinating on me. About another girl screwing my husband and forcing me to watch.
So, now, I have a finger easing in and out of me. Is it Claire, is it your finger, or is it my older lover's cock. You see, for a woman, it can be all three simultaneoulsy. I think again of Chris and Claire. Him pulling her panties aside like this and stretching her cunt open with his cock.
I feel like I need to cum now, but I will hold it off for a while, I think. He is, in my mind, inside her now and my fantasies have settled to me watching him and Claire. She arches her back and presses against him like a whore in heat. In turn he makes animal noises in the back of his throat as he gets into a rhythm. I see her small pert breasts as he rips her t shirt apart. He looks at me as he pounds her. He wants me so badly, even though he is inside her. He turns her over and mounts her as if she were a dog.
Back here in my room, I am so wet, both in fantasy and reality, for all intents and purposes, I may have peed myself. Yes, that too has its place in my fantasy life. And why should it not. Wetness is, after all, wetness, and I was brought up with so much 'good girls dont' 'nice girls dont' shit, that, for me now, nothing is taboo. I have peed when I masturbate accidentally and learned to love it. I have peed deliberately both naked and into my panties. I can understand some people's revulsion, but equally I know there are many who delight in it as I do.
Back in my fantasy, I see Claire about to cum. She is mouthing obscenities at him, telling him to do it inside her, to 'make me pregnant', to 'fuck me', and, to my utter delight to 'rape my dirty fucking cunt' In my fantasy, I have gone over to them and have lowered myself over Claire's face. I feel her mouthing my cunt through my sodden panties. I bear down, not caring whether I cum or piss. I hear Chris grunt and I know that in that second he is spurting inside her. I tug my panties over, and from deep within me, from within the cathedral of my sex weeps the benediction of Chris's love from last night. Simultaneously, I feel an orgasm roll towards me like distant thunder. The climax hits and my world dissolves.
In fantasy, as well as here in reality, I cum soo long and hard. So desperately savagely.
It is now ten minutes later. I am sprawled alone in my chair, my panties are soaked through. But my desire is only slightly quenched.
My next fantasy will be darker still. I think of my parents fucking, and how, as a teenager, I would yearn for my dad to be inside me and calling me all the names he calls mom. I want to be his 'Bitch whore'. I want him to 'rape my cunt'.
But that, and the darker side still, is not for you. Not today.