As in 'Choirboys Together'

Probably like Allan, I was a sensitive child, introverted and very musical. And I had a similar boy-boy experience in my early teens. Started with masturbating together during a sleepover, talking about sex and girls. He asked if I had ever had anything like a dick in my ass. I somewhat lied, saying I had not. (Many other things; not a penis.) I was laying on my stomach and he got on top of me and put his dick between my buns, sliding it up and down my crack. When it stopped over my hole, I felt electricity shoot through me.

This led to a few more times together over a period of several months. We didn't give each other hand jobs and I didn't really want to be touched other than what was necessary. I remember moving his hands off my waist while being bent over with him behind me. I loved starting our sessions with some question or suggestion like 'Do you want to beat off tonight?' and then casually beating off together, knowing that soon would come the time when, without a signal or a word, I would bend or lay over something and he would come up behind me, still beating off his own hard dick until he slid it between my buns.

When that relationship was over, I grew terribly fearful of being homosexual (there was no recognized or accepted gayness then). Went into deep denial for the remainder of my teenage years. I HAD to be straight (then called normal). I am married and have not led a gay or bi-sexual life. Perhaps I could have been bi-sexual, but I think I am glad not to have brought that complication into my life. My attraction is to women, yet I often think about my first erotic experience and crave to relive it. Sometimes I visit gay websites to see what it looks like and imagine myself in that situation. In that mood, I masturbate standing sideways by the mirror, looking at my bare hard dick and the curve of my ass, fantasizing how it would look with another guy behind me me with a hardon and thinking about what is going to happen. Anticipation!

The Choirboys author wrote: We both got our cocks out by which time we were both fully hard! Chris cuddled me again and our cocks touched. Then, he turned me around and undid my pants and dropped them and my underwear to the floor. I felt his boner pressing between the cheeks of my ass although he made no attempt to do more than just press lightly against me. As I came down from my cum, I realised that his cock was now slippery between my ass cheeks. As I said, he never tried to ass fuck me, but I really liked the feeling of his hard-on.

Yes, like that. I can relate to it and feel it.

From time to time, I have purchased a ballsy suction-cup penis and brought it home, waiting for the right time alone to relive that scene, that moment, those sensations, the deep emotions that I still carry with me. It feels good, but never as good as I had built it up to feel. Eventually I throw it away. Occasionally, when I have been in that process for awhile, I will look at some guy and ask myself could I do that with him? Always the answer is No. So I am clear that it is not an attraction to males but something still holding me from those early erotic experiences.