I Should Feel Ashamed

One night last June I heard a noise out back. I had just taken a shower and was standing naked at my dresser drying off. I turned the light out right away and looked out of the window. That's when I saw Joe running up the steps in his underwear. I always keep my window open an inch or two but never worried about privacy. The bottom of the window is seven or eight feet above the deck floor. Even someone over six foot tall wouldn't be able to look in and Joe is only about 5'8'. After he was back upstairs I went out on the back deck. I have a wooden coffee table for my patio furniture and it was turned over near my window. That was the noise I heard and when I put the table back I could see two foot prints on the top of it. It had rained that day and I could even see the impressions of toes on it. Right away I knew Joe saw me naked.

I guess I was angry about it but didn't know how to handle it. His wife Angie is a very sickly women and I like her very much. Joe also was always nice to me, a very caring landlord and keeps the property in excellent condition. He and his wife are probably about 50ish and I knew Angie had a stroke a few years ago and never fully recovered from it. For the next week or two I kept looking out back before I took my shower and never saw him come down.

Then it occurred to me that I sometimes had the bathroom window open a few inches but again that window is also seven or eight feet up from the ground on the side of the building. For my own curiosity I went around to the side the next day and a few feet away from my bathroom window was his lawn equipment and a small step ladder. The more I thought about it the more I started to realise he had been looking in at me many times before. I started to think of things he must have watched me do. He most certainly saw me shower and perhaps using the toilet. Things just started popping in my mind. I thought oh my god he probably saw me shaving my pubic hair or watched me change a tampon and more than likely saw me masturbating. My head was spinning and I don't know whether I was angry or humiliated about it. I hadn't dated since my husband and I seperated and did masturbate often. Most of the time in my bedroom but freguently in the bathroom.

Over the next few weeks I saw Joe often and even spoke to Angie a few time. I never said what I suspected to either of them but was embarrassed each time I spoke to Joe convinced he had been watching me for months. I looked outside each night but never saw him outside. I knew he didn't smoke in his apartment and usually did on his deck or in the yard. It was the first week in July on a Wednesday night, just before 11pm, that I saw him out back from my kitchen window. All he had on was his boxer shorts and although dark out I knew it was him. I first turned on my bathroom light and sure enough he went around to the side where the window is. When I turned the light on in my bedroom he came back to the yard right up on my deck. My bedroom window was open a little bit and I watched from the kitchen window as he put my wooden table up next to my bedroom window and stood on it looking in my room. It had been almost a month by now that I saw him running up the steps in his boxer shorts. I assume since I never questioned or said anything about it that he thought it was safe to start peeking in at me again. I went in and took my shower but the bathroom window was closed so I knew he wouldn't be able to see me. My first thought was 'that dirty SOB'. As ridiculous as this may sound I got aroused thinking about him seeing me naked as I showered. My anger disipated and I started thinking about how it probably excited him and perhaps he masturbated when he watched me. I knew he didn't have much of a sex life with Angie being so ill and also that my sex life was terrible since my husband left.

I got out of the shower and before I went into the bedroom I again looked out the kitchen window. Joe was standing on the table looking into my bedroom. I'm still not sure why but I walked into my bedroom and made sure all the lights were on only wrapped in my towel. I just stood there a few minutes at the dresser brushing my hair. I knew he was watching me and for the longest time I just stood contemplating whether I should take the towel off and give him a show. I remember being nervous and even embarrassed about it. The more I thought about him seeing me naked, I could feel myself getting more aroused by it. Five minutes must have gone by and I finally took the towel off. I just stood for awhile drying myself and walking around the room naked. Incredibly I was turned on by it and stayed naked for almost ten minutes knowing he was looking at me. I finally put my robe on and went back into the kitchen to see if he was still there. I watched as he got off the table and put it back where it belonged.

Little by little since that night it has progressed to where I now let him watch me shower and masturbate. He is out there at least two or more nights each week. I shave my pubic hair once a week but even began only doing it when I know he is in the yard. I have even become brazen enough to tell him what nights I am working each week. I purposely let him watch me change tampons a few times and as much as I don't like it a few times he watched me urinate. I masturbate in the shower sometimes but mostly do it in my bed. I intentionally lay on the bed with my feet facing the window and sometimes put a pillow under my rear and open my legs as much as I can. Most of the time I can't see him but know he is there and usually watch him put the table back.

Sometimes I can see part of his eyes or can see his head moving at the bottom of the window. I can see his eyes better at the bathroom window for some reason even though it is only open about an inch. I don't know why it excites me like it does but I orgasm more when I know he is watching me. I talk to him a few times a week and see Angie often. I feel bad when I talk to her and can't imagine how she would feel if she knew what I was doing. Joe sometimes wears a bathrobe when he watches me and although I never saw him doing it I think he masturbates as he watches me. I'm not really sure if its semen but think it is sometimes on my table. I always wipe it off with Lysol when I do see it.

I've never done anything like this before but all I can say is that it arouses me when I know he is outside my windows. I still feel a little embarrassed when I talk to him but never let on that I know what he is doing. It's probably been going on since I moved in there but I never knew it until the night he knocked the table over. I think I masturbate more now than I ever did even when I was a teen. I also never thought I would be capable of exposing myself the way I do. No one except Joe has ever seen me in such intimate ways, not even my husband.

I ask myself why it excites me so much but I can't explain the feelings I get knowing he is watching me. Joe always acts like he is not interested in me but I often see him looking at my body when I'm talking to him. He can act all he wants but I know I excite and arouse him and perhaps that is the reason I do all this. I guess I need a boyfriend but until then I'm satifying myself by letting Joe watch me.