Masturbating While...one Night Later

It is different tonight: more real, less of a fantasy. I think tonight I am going to write about masturbation, but withhold orgasm from myself. I need to sit in the unbearable, delicate surrender of knowing she is taking him into herself.

Last night I did masturbate in the way that I described: mirror masturbation, much deep self-penetration, and a new thing I discovered, playing with my clogs, wearing just my clogs, which I think are the sexiest shoes in the world.

Here is the fantasy scenario I am playing with, which seems to be manifesting in reality: I remain celibate and only masturbate. I remain in close contact with conjugal couples, who form my 'ring of celibacy'. It is like I am trapped in a ring of adult erotic passion, caught like a child in the center. I am confronted with myself, and my child self. I am privy to the details of their lovemaking and may at times witness it. But sex I do not have, save with myself, and never alone; always with a couple present. In essence, if I want to masturbate, I must ask two people and agree on a time.

It is agonizing, beautiful and when I can surrender, deeply pleasurable.

The actual fact of it is that I am alone while they make love. I accept their pleasure and freedom with every cell.

Here is a detail. She left here thirsty for semen.