Learn To Pleasure Yourself

This is in response to 'How Do I Start To Pleasure Myself?'. It's unfortunate that your husband has lost interest in lovemaking, but it seems that you have made a wise decision to NOT take another partner, which I applaud. Another partner would add a lot of complications, not the least of which are guilt, chance of disease, breakup of your marriage, etc. There are so many ways for you to pleasure yourself (thereby reawakening that part of you that you feel has died and regaining your self-esteem) that it would be a shame if you did not take advantage of them. Maybe not every technique will work for you but there has to be something that would work.

Perhaps the first thing you have to do is to realize that there is nothing wrong or shameful about masturbating. I believe that the body is a temple, and you should treat it as such by satisfying its sexual needs (albeit in ways that are not physically, emotionally, or spiritually harmful). It's your body, and you know your own needs, so take control and decide that you're going to do something for yourself.

Once you've decided to take a positive step, I guess you need to know how to go about it. There are a couple things you might try. Not all may work for you, but maybe they will give you a starting point.

The first thing I would suggest is to realize your are sexy and to make yourself feel that way. You will probably want to start when you are alone so you don't feel self-conscious. Take a hot, relaxing bath, shave your legs, and if you don't already, try shaving between your legs, too. Taking the time to shave your intimate parts can be a very sexy feeling. There's nothing like the feel of bare skin down there to make you feel special. Stand naked in front of the mirror and examine yourself and touch yourself all over. Get to know every part of yourself intimately. There's nothing wrong with touching everything, you're clean and it's your skin.

If you need extra stimulation, I recommending purchasing some instructional love-making or masturbation DVDs. It's really rather amazing what you can get in that innocent looking box with the swoopy logo on the side. No one will ever suspect what's inside, so don't be shy when ordering.

Clitoral orgasms might feel just great and give you the relief you've been looking for. But if you want the feeling of penetration, you could order yourself a toy along with that DVD (don't believe me? search for 'vibrator' from that online bookstore-you might be surprised what you find!). Or you could just use a vegetable of the proper size. Don't be afraid to experiment in order to find what's right for you.

If you can give yourself great leg-shaking orgasms, you will probably start to regain your self-esteem. If you feel sexually satisified and like a woman again, you will get your confidence back very quickly. Dress nice for yourself, maybe with some super-sexy underwear that you wouldn't ordinarly wear, and just think to yourself, 'If only people could see what I'm wearing!' Of course they won't but you'll have that naughty little satisfaction knowing what you are (or are'nt!) wearing.

I guess there are a lot of other stories on this site if you want to learn some specific techniques. But the most important thing is just to enjoy your own sexuality and have fun with your body. Don't get hung up on the fact that it's your own hands and not someone else's doing the stimulating (you may even learn to enjoy it more!). Once you learn to let go of your inhibitions, you'll find that your body is very sensitive and responsive and can provide you with unbelievable joy and pleasure.