Looking for Advice: Where to Go From Here in Our Intimate Life

[jakeliketoknow]

I’m looking for some honest opinions or advice on my situation.

My wife used to have a high sex drive, but now she gets severe migraines after orgasm and also lives with chronic pain from a long-term health condition. I also deal with chronic pain myself, as well as erectile dysfunction — though I take daily medication for that.

For me, sex helps relieve stress as well as meet my physical needs, and when I don’t get that release, I experience discomfort (like blue balls). My wife understands this and still agrees to have sex, but it’s become very clinical. There’s no foreplay or stimulation for her — she uses lube, helps me get ready, and then just lets me finish inside her.

I appreciate that she’s still trying for my sake, but it feels one-sided and disconnected. I don’t want to push her or make her uncomfortable, but I also wonder if this setup could cause resentment down the line — either for her or for me.

Should I just accept things as they are and be grateful for what we have, or should I try to talk to her about making changes (if that’s even possible, given her health issues)?

Any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated.

[hairybi]

It sounds like your wife is having sex only to please you, but she may receive comfort and satisfaction from doing so. But I do think you need to tell her you love her deeply but understand if she would prefer another approach, such as playing with your penis instead of penetration. There are so many of us who faced this, and my solution as my wife was very ill was very frequent masturbation, it relieved sexual and other stress, and brought intense pleasure and joy. Of course, I have always masturbated, even when having a lot of sex.

[wanklover]

Hi there, I am a 70+ male. My wife of over 40 years hasn't had any sexual engagement with me for over 20 years. She has multiple health issues and went through a pretty early menopause. I have never and wouldn't cheat on her so ever since then I have accepted that that's the way it is and just indulged in masturbation which I enjoy very much and have done since 1966. I wouldn't dream of trying to force her to do anything sexual with me, it would probably be resented and damage our relationship. As it stands she knows that I masturbate and is quite happy for me to do so. Hope this helps you.

[bappanadboy]

As we age, intimacy is more important than sex. Any form of oral sex may help in lieu of normal penetration sex.

Many older couples have lived a happy life without sex, because the intimacy and oral sex have helped them live a good healthy life together for over 60 years.

[happyending]

Can your wife cum under any circumstances? I’m thinking about vibrators, or hand held ‘wand’ types which are higher power, or the clitoral sucking ones which often look like a rose. Can you bring her to orgasm with your tongue? It would be best if she could have some kind orgasm so it wasn’t just her duty she was doing. But as someone said she will draw satisfaction from pleasing you, however that happens.

I wouldn’t personally stop penetrating her even if it feels clinical, for one thing because you will (like so many couples) just get out of the habit, stop doing it, making it hard to ever restart. She may also tighten up and then find it painful to restart. Plus she may take it as some token of your love so emotionally benefit, from it even without orgasm. If a vibrator does work for her, it could be used on her during penetration as that alone often does little for many women.

Is she willing to give you oral sex? For many men that is more pleasurable than penetration, and she would be less passive doing that.

[wheelboy3]

Due to hysterectomy my wife lost interest in sex 25 years ago. To this day, at age 77, I need to orgasm 2-3x per week and masturbate without orgasm daily.
Occasionally I get my wife to masturbate me. I have the urge for someone to see my cock and feel it. When we do this I get to play with her tits and occasionally feel her labia. I'm not allowed inside. Very occasionally I get to see her with legs wide open and labia manually spread. I jerk of at the sight.
Maybe you could get creative and find something that you both can enjoy (in your case) and endure (in her case). Isn't marriage a compromise?

[jeep]

Don’t underestimate the excellence of having her lay on her front while you hump your lubed cock between her juicy butt cheeks. You can stop from time to time to spread her open and get a hot view of her cunt and asshole. Makes me blast a big load all over her ass and back all the time!

[happyending]

I do wonder why someone posts a question like this, attracting some considered replies, but returns once the next day and isn't seen for a month?

[andyscousin]

A realistic dildo to help her achieve the orgasms she used to have prior to my ED. That has worked wonders for us.