This is an adaptation of a true story. It happened under somewhat different circumstances, but the essence is true.
About six months into our practice, I arrived at Anika's for a session. We sat down in the enclosed porch that served as her work space in the hot months-the reality-field, as she called it-facing one another on the floor. The California afternoon was as delightful as they get, and the scent of the ocean came in through the screens, as did the sounds of the waves, if you listened carefully. She said we would soon be joined by a friend of hers, named Noelle, someone she had never mentioned. They were going to do a practice called Yin-Yin, which I would be invited to observe.
We talked about the week between our last visits, and she asked if I had any experiences I wanted to share. I began describing a mirror experience from the day before, but after a few minutes the doorbell rang; it was Joelle. Anika got up to answer the door and the two women came in. I stood up. There was an essence of clarity around Joelle, a light around her that felt fresh and easy to be with. She embraced me and we were introduced. Her body felt strong to hold, but relaxed and flexible. The three of us sat down.
Anika asked me to continue explaining the experience in front of my mirror, and I described in some detail masturbating while in the presence of Joelle, someone I did not know, which was part of our work: treating self-given pleasure as if it were normal and perfectly innocent, which of course it is, but acting that way is another story. In this particular experience, I had gotten a glimpse of actual love in my eyes just prior to my orgasm, and this arrived with the strangest sense of someone else looking at me and loving me. I had somehow slipped outside myself and looked back in. This sense of separation, of outer self and inner self, seemed to be necessary in order to bring those two seemingly separate existences together.
We had, the past two months, been working with the idea that eroticism is really a psychic experience, though greatly enhanced by physical experience. We tried, using a variety of techniques, different proportions of physical experience mixed with the contact of the mind and emotions: using different forms of eye contact; masturbating together in total darkness, and partial light-there was a mirrored darkroom upstairs for this purpose. We did several sessions devoted to watching what happened to our own and one another's auras in pitch darkness.
Anika had, through these experiences of self-awareness, introduced me to the concept of when what she called the portal is open-the actual connection between two people, how that feels, and how to work with it. First it was necessary to open the portal within oneself, and be fully present for one's own experience. She said the Yin-Yin practice I would see today was an experience using minimal physical interaction but a wide portal; it was mostly psychic.
She looked at Joelle. 'Would you like to begin?'
Joelle nodded and smiled. There were two cushions on the floor, and the two women stepped a few meters away from me and sat down face to face. They closed their eyes a moment, then opened them and made eye contact; and then removed their tops, exposing their breasts. Anika's lovely, small breasts, as on a dancer's body, had such a strong presence. Noelle's were more motherly and curved, with large nipples that were standing out.
They kept close eye contact and then embraced gently, cheeks touching, melting into one another, inhaling deeply and taking in one another's scents. As they withdrew from the embrace, their hands found one another's breasts, which they cupped gently, still eye-gazing, and breathed together for a while. I noticed they were left-eye gazing, a practice Anika and I had been working on the whole duration of our work; it was the first practice we learned, that first rainy Saturday when we met. Left eye gazing is a technique for connecting with past lives and the deep intuitive mind. It opens up another dimension of relationship entirely, and so strong in its presence that it has a way of taking over: the intuitive becomes the strongest voice in the relationship.
The women's personalities seemed to grow childlike and they giggled and cooed, their legs spread wide, wrapped in their loose cotton garments. They were situated about 12 inches from one another, within easy reaching distance. Anika whispered, 'Let's be naked,' and the two paused a moment and took off the rest of their clothing and were nude. It seemed as if they never once lost eye contact. Their hands cupped one another's breasts gently and they nodded in agreement, vocalizing their pleasure as if they were eating good food, and gently, their fingers clasped one another's nipples.
They stayed this way a long time, as if it were perfectly satisfying. Their bodies seemed accustomed to this kind of contact, like a yoga position; it occurred to me they had done this many times, for many hours. They were practically motionless for perhaps 15 minutes, yet with their eyes gently fixed on the left side of one another's faces delicately and sweetly. They seemed not so much unaware of my presence, but unfazed by it.
Then they became more active, and began to pleasure one another's nipples more actively, but still very subtle. The difference was their voices came alive.
Between them, there was a little chorus of soft, gentle 'Oh, yes' and 'Thank you' and 'Aaah' as they looked into one another's faces and tenderly held and pleasured one another's nipples. The intimacy was almost unbearable; I sat in my spot, my heart racing, remembering to keep breathing in circular breaths, the breath of compassion, which is connection, inbreath to outbreath, silently reciting to myself the mantra we work with, compassion, connection, compassion, connection.
Joelle let go of her voice, moaning softly. My impression was that she was giving Anika a gift by doing this, as if to pleasure her mind as her hands were pleasuring Anika's breasts.
Anika moaned in response, but it was a delicate moan, gentle and submissive. This set off a yearning in me, a yearning to touch and hold her, which filled me like hot water being poured into my heart. I surrendered to the feeling and held my attention on them, repeating silently, 'compassion, connection', and let it pass through me, as I had been taught in so many hours practice with Anika, watching her intently in every possible reach of self-given pleasure.
Now the exchange developed into what felt like a conversation of soft moans spoken to one another, looking at one another, so easy and gentle. I don't know how long this lasted; time slipped into the present more strongly with each moment, and suddenly there was the freedom of the moment and I really began enjoying witnessing their interchange. It was a conscious shift. As I felt this, they shifted levels and seemed to go deeper into the experience. I don't know quite how to say it but something relaxed, both their backs relaxed, and their faces became less composed. What was astonishing was how shameless they were, expressing every emotion as breath or sound or expression and yielding to their emotions so easily. The connection between what they were feeling and what they were expressing was seamless.
Smiles and familiar expressions faded completely and they looked at one another with deep acknowledgement. I saw Joelle's hand move slightly, clasping Anika's right nipple, and she let out a sweet, delicate cry, and Anika let go of Joelle's breasts, and was now clasping her sides. As she dropped into her orgasm, with Joelle looking deep into her eyes, Joelle encouraged her, saying 'Yes, Ani, oh Ani, be Ani, be you, baby' and then she let go as well, and the two women gently held one another, clasping one another's rib cages, as pulses of climax poured through them like a waterfall. Their breasts were inches apart, as were their vulvas, as they convulsed in pleasure clasped lightly in one another's hands.
They were in a cycle of mutual orgasm, completely intertwined with one another's feeling-bodies. They had set off a kind of chain reaction between one another.
Their eye contact seemed to deepen, and then with it, the pleasure suddenly rose up, as if out of the floor, and seemed to spout out their eyes and their heads. Tears were streaming down Joelle's face; Anika's eyes were wet and soft. I looked down and saw that their vulvas were standing open like blossoms, large, larger than I had ever seen a vulva become, as if reaching to one another, deep and red and fully expressive.
There was no touching except for their light embrace, and still they were coming and coming, responding to one another's pleasure in fully mutual stream of sharing and allowing, and fully present for one another. They seemed to spiral in one another's arms. I don't know how long this lasted, and nobody seemed to care. Finally, they settled down and returned to what seemed like normal consciousness.
It was some time before they looked over at me and spoke to me, and when they did, they saw me looking at them in silent amazement and the deepest respect.