The following is an ongoing discussion that I had with my girl friend, Trudi. Parts drawn from emails and online chats have been brought together here to give a full account of our confessions about masturbation and our orgasms. Enjoy.
The following is an ongoing discussion that I had with my girl friend, Trudi. Parts drawn from emails and online chats have been brought together here to give a full account of our confessions about masturbation and our orgasms. Enjoy.
'So, how do you touch yourself when you masturbate?'
'My fingers are my friends, honey.'
'Have you ever inserted anything? Used a vibrator?'
'I don't insert anything. I've used vibrators. Not the phallic shaped ones. I tried that, and didn't like the feeling of it inside me. They're cold and hard. I would much rather have the real thing. ( It turns out that she was holding out on me here. Trudi later confessed to me that when she was 21 she tried to fuck herself with a long neck beer bottle.) Well, I've never told anyone... so here goes..., I've got this electric scalp massager. I call it my 40 Horse Power Vibrator.'
'Oh my! I HAVE to hear more about that, but first... What about when you masturbated in high school? Did you touch yourself then?'
'I'll tell you about masturbation in those days - it is a short tale. The main thing about masturbation was that it pointed out my aloneness - it was emotionally painful - and I never stayed with it long enough to come - or to really enjoy.
'So, masturbation was a lonely, sad thing?'
'Yeah, in those days - now it is pleasurable - because you are with me. In those days it was lonesome - Did you ever feel that way?'
'Yes... But masturbation was always a thrilling escape for me... It was usually an indulgance I enjoyed. Except in more recent times before you came into my life I knew it was a false pleasure and I deeply longed for true intimacy.'
'How'd you feel?'
'I guess I felt rather desperate as though this was all I had to look forward to for the rest of my life.'
'How long have you felt this, love?'
'From then on...years. And so you've renewed so much in my life... I'm filled with so much love for you.'
'You know, when we're chatting like this on-line and you're talking me through some erotic adventure, making love to me with your prose, at times it's as though I fall into a trance. Do you want to know, lover, what my side of the trance is like?'
'Yes! I can't tell you what that'd mean to me.'
'I sit, at first with chin in hand...smiling - in awe of your words - of your imagination spilling out before me As I read, inevitably I become aroused and can not help but slide my hand down into my crotch - usually running my fingers around my lips, stimilating, feeling the juices flow. I am getting wet now, just thinking about it. As you continue, I become more aggressive in my touch - and there is a boundriless quality I cannot see the limit of our medium your words are your touch, and my hand does not exist, except on your body, touching you'
'What are you feeling inside?'
'I feel so warm and loved, and so very, very juicey - and there is both a sense of calm and excitement, just like when we are in bed together - it is just where I need/want/should be. When you become more aggressive in your words, so do my fingers, usually rubbing my clit very very fast - and I enter a ring of orgasms... I close my eyes and come - and when I open them, there are more words from you that stimulate more orgasms. By the time we end, I am pleasantly worn out- my muslces having gone through great tension and release through the whole time .'
'Jesus! That's amazing! Tell me about your orgasms.'
'GOD - I love you.'
'You are a miracle..'
'I've told you that the orgasms I have when you are inside me are different - you bacome so physically involved. But, it seems the muscles in my extremities play some key roll - like heralding the event - '
'Yeah... your whole body, your entire being'
'I know that my FEET flex, and sometimes, when I want to hurry it on , I play with my feet.'
'That's beautiful. Sometimes when I'm making love to you, your hands and feet begin to thrash about.'
'I do... you're right . I thingk I must look something like Joe Cocker when I'm in the throes like my lover... so sweet. Did you ever think I was having some sort of seizure?'
'No. I was just completely swept away and driven to give you more pleasure that I was, anything I could.'
'Good gosh, a'mighty, you surely did that. I want to tell you something. I've been so much more excited by you - by our union - by everything about you - that I have been driven more than I have ever been before by a man. And that has introduced me to this whole world of seeking release of all this libidinal FORCE! Masturbating! I've never been this sensitive to my own touch. Never been able to achieve this kind of release - or never wanted it, never sought it before. I've never had the pleasure of having 8 million orgasms like when we were together either - you make me come with your words, your looks, your expressions, your appearance, your smell - and your touch your spirit your willingness to open your soul to me. That is the most exciting thing. Exploring your soul. Your secrets. To be able to share our vulnerabilities... There is not a nuance about you that is not feverishly sensuous and penetratingly sensative... You asked about my orgasms ?'
'Yes! Thank you! I'm infinitly curious about this mystery. Where do you feel them?'
'Where DON'T I feel them?'
'I understand they eminate from your clitorus...'
'There is a moment when I am overtaken by something like white light in every muscle in my body.'
'Does it burst outward from your clitoris? A flash?'
'Yes, that's the stimulation point - when I am touching myself - but it is vaginal when you are in side me - the feeling - the knowledge that I am coming - truly begins in my calves - or even my FEET! '
'Really! Is it a single burst, or a series of waves? A series of bursts?'
'A single wave - and sometimes a series - no, I think it is always a series... waves is a good description of it.'
'They're intense, then trickle off?'
'It is intense momentarily - yes and trickles off - then sometimes is followed by subsequent and distinct waves - and aftershocks... those aftershock things - maybe like your semin - less ejaculations? Sometimes I think I momentarily lose consciousness.'
'You know, you DO ejaculate! At least there is an incredible flood of juices from you when I'm fucking you with my fingers and you come. God, you get wet enough to soak the sheet! When you come, when your orgasm is really intense, do you see things?'
'Like fireworks - like that - which is why when we watched those fireworks across the water - I was so taken...'
'Oh yeah... I was watching you instead of the fireworks. You were breahtaking!'
'I will tell you about coming when you are inside me... it's just such a wonderful feeling - I can't believe it's possible - catches me by surprise every time! THEN - the heat/cold/tingles begin in my womb - I suppose - somewhere deep inside me, and move out , and then it is wave after wave after wave ... and I feel such a complete release in every cell in my body. And I have the distinct feeling that I have joined you.'
'Oh God! That's beautiful! Do you feel vaginal contractions?'
'Deep! It is the most wonderful feeling.'
'They are part of the waves?'
'They are the origin, perhaps.'
'What does it feel like when I first ram my cock into you?'
'You are so amazingly hard - you are so exciting! You fit so well inside me!'
'Even though you are very hard and big, there was just once I felt discomfort - when you were behind me - and even then, it was a pleasurable pain. Do you remember that? You liked it on top, yes? When you were fucking me like a dog?'
'I adore it on top.'
'I long for those feelings I have when you are inside me. There is NOTHING LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! To feel you engulfing me. But, the feeling of your attentions turned toward me right now - is wonderous. The dance in which we partake. You are, my lover.'
They sat silently basking in the glow of this perfect moment of serenity.
Her eyes lit up, 'I'm having a delicious memory. There is a notion... taking your manhood into my mouth.'
'What's it like for you? Is it like the deepest kiss?'
She settled herself and looked into his eyes, smiling softly,'The sublime expression of that moment of my love for you , as if I could suck your entire being into me by taking you into my mouth, and then - you have shown me where and how you like to be touched - I love your telling me what you like... '
'It is the most tender, most reverent gesture?'
'...yes - that is exactly how I feel doing it, so intimate.'
'THAT is amazingly sacred. So very sweetly sacred, my love.'
' I love your coming in my mouth.'
'Tell me what that is like for you.'
'It is a gift - the greatest trust - emotionally, there is nothing to compare - to your allowing me to take you in that way - physically - for me, it is accepting the greatest gift, feeling you respond to my various touches - is divine and yet at times I fear I will hurt you - with my teeth - with the force of my suction - but, you reinforce me with your sounds of pleasure, your words.'
'Reaching my orgasm while you have taken me onto your mouth is the ultimate gift, and comeing into your kiss, feels like the acceptance.'
'Your seed is very warm - smooth, rich, salty ... all at the same time, thick, lovely, nourishing. It coats my throat and my lips and I cannot help but rub my lips all over you - especially the head of your cock just after you've come and I think your cock is tender - shaken by your orgasm, you have some psychic tenderness as well, you want me to be still and so it feels right just to hold you there just in my liips. Just the head of your cock.'
'I remember the first time I came across your tummy.'
'Tell, in Ontario?'
'...and you annointed yourself with my seed. yes, Ontario'
'You had thought to wipe it up until I took it thusly and that gesture made me feel more completley loved than I could imagine.'
'It is your blessed life force you shared with me and we were together annointed in it. Yes ah - I love that feeling rubbing our bodies together, your seed as a conduit.'
'Yes, and the slick between us from hours of savage fucking...'
'...sheets wringing wet.'
'Amazing we didn't become dehydrated from all that. I don't think we were ever quite that wet again. No, that's not true. We were that wet in the tower.'
'I want to tell you about my wet dream.'
'Yes! Tell me!'
'I've never told anyone about this, but when I was about fourteen or fifteen.. I awoke out of a dead sleep in the throes of ecstasy, thrills coursing through my body, ejaculating into my underwear! I was completely flabberghasted!'
'Oh my god! My pussy's twitching!'
'That was the one and only 'nocturnal emission' I ever experienced.'
'I've experienced something like that. Shall I tell?'
'You woke up having an orgasm?'
'Yes! It was a wet dream I had in college - that I still remember - waking up in heated and continuous orgasm - to visions of Picasso-esque pictures - for some unknown reason it was very stimulating. Since I was a teenager - maybe as early as like 11 - I would wake from dreams that were oddly arousing - on my stomach, clutching a wad of sheets to my pussy
pressing - pressing - them to my crotch. I would be in the strangest orgasmic place - coming in a place I do not come in any other way - the whole bed is wet by the time I'm through. My whole body comes every single muscle, it doesn't do much for me whilst awake. It is different than coming with you inside me. It is just different. With you it is complete. I much prefer the delicate touching directly to my clit whilst awake. So, that's that.'
'I want to ask about the 40 Horse Power Vibrator.'
'Well, do it ! My pussy's wincing.'
'I've listened very intently to the recordings you made for me when you were masturbating with it. You touch yourself and quickly begin to be possessed by rolling orgasmic contractions that come every second or two.'
'Do these contractions feel distinct, or are they all part of a continuous sensation?
Sort of like rolling - like waves and you stop when it becomes too intense?'
'I think I stop because they begin to fade - I stop and let the tension build and then begin again.'
'But you might begin again in fifteen or twenty seconds...'
'Yeah. These orgasms are different - in a different place than when I make love with you - then they are deeper - they are deep in my vagina, it feels like they are all through my body.'
'I still have some curiosities about your vibrator.'
'Well, where did you get it? How long have you used it?'
'Well OK... I'll share with you the history of the 40 Horse Power Vibrator. This will take a little while. It is embarrassing somehow. God! This is about as deeply private as anything could be, but I LOVE exposing myself to you this way. This machine was given to me - actually its predecessor (I wore one out!) by my new husband who, in his sexually adventuresome early days of our union suggested that he enter me from behind while I touched myself with this machine attached to my hand. I touch myself not with machine, you see, but fingers that are being vibrated. We first did this it was in front of the huge bathroom mirror of his exotic bachelor pad. It was truly a wild liberation for me. He had read it described in some erotic thriller. We retreated to the bedroom from then on and continued with a milder version that went on with regularity until a few years ago. We stopped after he was unable to achieve tumescence and complete 'the act'. When you ask these intimate questions, dear mate, you get the full answer, whether attractive or not. The first time I used the machine on my own was after you and I got together and I experienced a heightened sexual need with the stimulation you provided in my life. I had to have relief - and so decided to do so on my own, which my husband has seen me do only once - and not to orgasm. It seems too private to perform in front of him. And he is too sensitive about his inabilities. I have not experienced an orgasm with him for a long, long time. I cannot remember when. And so, my machine is getting a good work out these days - and then I discovered I could do so without it - just think of you and enventually I come. but, when I have limited time - or just for a diversion - I use the mighty machine. It is too intense at times. Too fast. But, when I am distant from my own body - as if there is too much distance to travel to reach the big orgasm, I use it.'
'God damn! I had no idea! My mind is surging! I'd love to hear about the first time you uesd it after we met.'
'You are SHAMELESS!!! I love it! OK, here it is. I had never used it alone - only in concert - until that night. He was on a business trip. The boys were watching some gore fest in the front room. I shut the door to the bedroom. I laid down on the floor. I kept thinking about you - seeing your face, your hair around your shoulders, your body - your erectness. I had to have you, lover, I had to have you. And so, I did WILDLY... and ON and ON... It was an orgasm marathon.'
'Tell me! GOD! How long?'
'I have no idea how long - there were lights going off in my head!'
'Were you naked when you did this?'
'I pictured you through all this. You were fucking me and I was in another world and stroking my breasts and puss and oh god, when I finally took my electrical appliance away - my body CONTINUED on its own - without touching myself at all I was coming. I was on my back - you were on top of me and then I turned over on my belly
'I want to share that with you, lover.'
'I can't imagine that I would ever have a dream like this come upon me when we are together - and you make me come just as rat-atat tat as that 40 horsepower machine... so, in that way you have experienced it with me already. I just had to have you.
In watever way I could. Sometimes I think I have an abnormal need...'
'I think your appetite is a miracle. Beautiful beyond words, You can have me in any way you want.'
'You are such a wonderous lover. Intimate, unflinching, you have the capacity for touching
my deepest parts - of my heart and pussy - mind - everywhere you touch. I want you now.'
'You've revealed depths of femeninity that I never imagined existed. Look, I'm hard for you now.'
'You can have me any way you want me. I rarely think of myself as feminine. - And I'm wet for you, Jelli Man. Lesbians love me - I'm touching myself now. Really gooshy REALLY gooshy!'
'Do you remember that time we took a sacred vow to obstain from orgasms for two weeks?'
'You made me promise, then you tormented me with these erotic emails, torturing me and enflaming my passions. I couldn't stand it! You put me in such a state of dire need that I just HAD to find relief. So I contemplated, COULD I be untrue to you - my best friend - the best lover I could ever imagine? NO! I decided - except just this once, when he - afterall - is INVOLVED, albeit at a distance, SO........ seeing as my husband was at work and things were quiet in my house - do you really want to hear this?'
'I went into my bed room, lay on the floor - which always reminds me of the first orgasm you gave me in Ontario, and how delicious it was - how surprised I was to feel just that way when you entered me and I felt you touch JUST that spot .... and I began seeing all manner of images of you - and this time there were none others - just you, my lover. On fire, throbbing, engorged, panting, pushing, pumping and with that look of utter thrill - yes - all over you - I saw you over me - pumping so fast, up on your hands - so I could see your beautiful torso - I imagined you under me - hair splayed out - eyes glistening holding my shoulders just so. I saw you throbbing so painfully in the night. I saw the colors of you, the texture of your skin and muslces, the taughtness of you as you were aroused for so long... so achingly. And that thought alone made me come over and over! I thought I could not stop - but, several times - I did stop - only to resume... I sinned big time?'
'Did you truly feel you were doing anything at all wrong?'
'Not a damned thing - because I knew you would have loved it!'
'And I was thinking about, the other fuel for my fire was thinking about you in the shower. You told me about a time you fantasized while showering and emerged in grandeur - only to your wifes's embarrassment and your own. WHAT were you fantisizing about?'
'Fantisizing? I think it was this secretary at work... imagining her naked and touching herself, or she and I fucking in wild abandon, her being gang-banged at the company Christmas party. I honestly do not remember.'
' I would have snatched the towel from you, made you lie down.'
'I wasn't wearing a towel...'
'Only your boner?'
'Yes... I was naked when she walked in. I had just emerged form the shower and I had toweled off. I was just standing there naked with a full erection. She did this wild-eyed double-take and left. I hadn't touched myself, but I have masturbated in the shower'
'How do you touch yourself?'
'In the shower?'
'Yes, my love'
'Leaning against the tile wall, warm water flowing over me. The sensation of the water flowing over my member can be rather nice. When I am erect, I will lightly, VERY lightly stroke the underside. Makes it leap.'
' I've seen this!!!!'
'I'll use all my fingers delicately on my scrotum, sometimes only tickling the hairs.'
'Then, especially in the shower...I will lather my palm... and grasp myself... and begin stroking...'
'Firmly... slowly... roll my hips with it sometimes... as my pace quickens, my pelvis thrusts out until I begin to feel the climax building and then I will lean against the tile, perhaps my left arm across my forehead, knees, bent a little...'
'As my ejaculations begin to drive the rhythm of my jacking. breathing like sobs... silent, but convulsive, as my sperm jets against the tile and is washed away... convulsions... shivers. I'll show you tonight if you like.'
'Oh, my! THAT is a lovely bed time story.'
'After a few seconds, sometimes another singular ejaculation and the semin will string out of my member for five or ten minutes.'
'You mean - tell me more about this semin...you mean you keep secreting?'
'Yes I do. It starts like semin, then turns clear, like precome. I will have to wipe up every few minutes.'
' I don't remember that in Ontario.'
' I look down and there is this string of semin. I only notice it in the bathroom. In Ontario it was just absorbed into the sheets, or rubbed into your skin.'
'MMMMMMMMM... I will have to look more closely tonight.'
'I will show you anything you ask for my lovley.'
'God, Tim, I am completely absorbed in you.'
'Where is the most public place you have masturbated?'
'Well, until you, I hardly did it at all - but, probably at my farm in East Oklahoma - which was hardly public - but I did get buck naked.'
'I did it on a church bus once.'
'ON A BUS! Tell me!'
'Ok, but I want to hear your story too. It was the church trip into Nicaragua. We rode in that bus soimetimes for18 hours straight...'
'How old were you?'
'I was 17, I think. I was 18, I'm pretty sure. I was sitting next to this girl I was sort of attracted to. It was late at night, and it had been a while since I'd had any relief because we'd been traveling for days... Her last name was Carrington. Carrington was the only hippie chick on the bus.'
'Did you know Jill then?'
'I knew Jill then... Yes!'
'But you weren't involved with Jill?'
'Yes I was. She wouldn't let me fuck her, but we'd done damn near everything else!... I never acted on my mild attraction to the hippie chick... she didn't really compete with Jill... she was nice to be with though... So it was very late at night. Probably 2:00AM I was the only one awake, save the driver. I was aroused... by road vibration, by hormones and this girl was sleeping next me, which in itself was a wonderfully new thing for me... I had a blanket around me, so I unzipped my jeans and released my hardon and I leaned foreward against the seat in front of me and I jacked off there on this bus full of people. It was wildly erotic sitting so close to this girl that she was touching me. I could feel her warmth, and I was masturbating!'
'Now you, tell me about the farm.'
'Well - I have a bus, story, too I had forgotten about.'
'Masturbating on a bus would be easier for you.'
'It doesn't involve masturbation. It's sexual, though. You'll be grossed out.'
'OK, We'll see.'
'It was when I was working at the San Diego State Hospital - We had taken a bus load of crazies to some cultural event down town. It was cold, but the bus was warming up - it had that delicious warding off the cold feeling and I wore my big thick red wool ruana - like a huge blanket and sitting with a crazy young woman from Central California. She always spoke in a jarble - fast crazy speech no one could decipher, and she was cold, warming up - she was very spirited, very happy about the evening - like a kid - and in our efforts to warm up, she slid under my ruana and we cuddled - like girls do. Girls can truly get away with a lot.'
'...and LO and BEHOLD she began in jittery movements that mimicked her speech,
do you really want this?'
'She began putting her fingers in my crotch. Touching me with these jittery, fluttering fingers.'
'Yow!!! You were in jeans, right?'
'Yes, jeans. And DAMNed if it didn't excite me - even though I sort of just took her hands
and put them back on her side of the establishmnet - but, I was so amazed at my arousal - I jumped someone's bonesthat night, my novio at the time - '
'Really - are you grossed out?'
'I am NOT grossed out! You jumped his bones on the trip?'
'No - he wasn't a hospital employee. I went home to my little house, called Jerry Hendron out of a deep slumber and told him to service me or I'd go nuts myself.'
'For telling you?'
'Yes. For sharing intimacy. For your patience with my curiosity.'
'Talking about my greatest pleasure is a pleasure - always.'