Ben Franklin was only partly right!
To Adrienne R and all other parents who deal with their children's curiosity about sex and are willing to accept responsibility for their sex education in a safe setting and in a healthy way, here are some things to ponder that I thought about in the middle of the night. When the hormones are raging in developing youth, they will find answers to their questions and they will find outlets for sexual release. Whether you like their choices or not depends on whether you help them choose or let them stray.
Touch is extremely important. Infants in orphanages have died when they had no one to pick them up out of their cribs, cuddle them, love them, and by touch (before they understood words) let them know that they are important as human beings. Last night after a bath, my wife put on a long night gown and then snuggled up close to me. I was frustrated by not being able to touch her her bare body all over and this morning almost told her not to bother coming for a hug if she wouldn't give me a bare hug, not just a bear hug. But I kept my mouth shut, saving my comment for next time.
Ben Franklin said, 'A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.' He was way short by just doubling the quantity, so I'll add a quantities to his original quotation:
A breast is the hand is worth more than a wall full of posters.
A kiss on the lips is worth more than a catalog full of smiling females.
A tickle in the face by female's hair is worth more than a parade of women.
A woman's touch on a man's wand is worth more than a parade of women waving.
A woman's thighs squeezing a man's head while kissing her crotch is worth more than a magazine full of exposed females.
Touching a woman's bare butt cheeks is worth more than a swimsuit calendar.
A female's clit between a man's lips is worth more than a whole trainload of women riding by with their skirts up.
A female's vagina surrounding a male's wand is worth more than an internet full of vagina's staring from the screen.
The tickle of a woman's Love Nest on a man's cheeks is worth more than scrapbook full of fuzzy hair samples.
Touching a female's crotch is worth more than a textbook full of illustrations.
Feeling around between a female's vaginal lips is worth more seeing a beach full of nude females.
Now from a female's perspective, I hope that the following would also be applicable.
A male's hand on a bare breast is worth more than a stadium full of virile athletes.
A male's tongue in one's mouth is worth more than a meat counter full of beef tongues.
A male's fingers playing in the hair is worth more than a choir loft full of studs.
A male's hands stroking slowly down one's bare back is worth more than a truckload of vibrating pillows.
A male's hand on one's bare hips is worth more than prison full of inmates.
A male's Love Wand in one's Love Canal is worth more than a train load of stud magazines.
Feeling the excitement of a male's shaft sliding in and out is worth more than a calendar of studs.
Squeezing a male's shaft repeatedly to make it twitch uncontrollably is worth more than a truckload of highlighters.
Feeling a male's wand blast his love cream deep inside is worth more than a trainload of cucumbers.
Those comparisons are just some 'starters' for you to add to. Real sexual exploration is worth thousands of lectures. Children need to know the difference between boys and girls. Being curious, they will find out the hard way if not shown and allowed to touch at home. Even widows and widowers in their retirement years in nursing homes desire sexual contact and are more of a problem than most of us suspect! That is to say, sexually, people of all ages are children at heart or in other words, still enjoy playing with their genitals! At my age, I still crave considerably more touch than I get from my wife who does not seem to need or want as much touching nor appreciate it as much.
For someone who has never been deep kissed before, the first tongue kiss by a beautiful young girl or handsome young boy will always be remembered! For someone who has never touched a breast or penis, feeling warm and soft or firm flesh for the first time, discovering thrills when someone else touches one's privates for the first time, etc. are all memories to savor the rest of one's life!
Parents can either bond or go to war with their children. Parents can either hold open and honest discussions with their children or alienate them. Parents can either show, demonstrate, and allow touch or condemn their children. Parents can either hold their children's sexual education to be a high priority or criticize the teachers.
The teen years for both boys and girls are crucial. What they don't know, but find out the hard way could mar and scar them for life. A girl desiring love, but not receiving hugs from he parents may crave hugs so much she allows the wrong man to stroke her naked body and end up being raped. A boy desiring to have his shaft feel the inside of a female's Love Canal may end up contracting a disease that lasts a lifetime. A teenage couple who want to 'do it' could land the young boy in prison for statutory rape. There the 'baby raper' could suffer gang rapes from hardened criminals and commit suicide. Inquiring youth could be taught negative words, harsh actions, and wrong perspectives toward sex by poorly informed street people.
Children who are unloved, used, misused, and abuse run away from home. I'm not at all advocating forcefully using your son or daughter to satisfy your sexual cravings as parents. That is prosecutable rape. It will require considerable discipline on your part not to get carried away as your children begin to mature physically, but you had better control your sexual urges so as not to ruin the rest of their sex lives, including ruining their marriage by constantly remembering being raped repeatedly during childhood and adolescence in what was supposed to have been a safe place, a shelter from the world, a haven from gang activity.
If you're going to allow your children to see your body and touch your body, begin with a series of frank discussions about differences between girls and boys. Explain that, having gone through a period in your own life when you first discovered the thrills of sex, you know what the newly-found pleasures and sights of the opposite sex can mean and can do for a young person. Tell them that you are willing to talk anytime they want to. Explain that never having discussed sex openly with anyone else, it may be embarrassing for you to reveal your innermost thoughts and desires. So if you blush, they are to understand that you are outside of your comfort zone.
Explain to your children that as they mature and become curious about seeing and touching another person's naked body, it could go beyond your training to remove your clothes without passion arising so they can see and touch your naked body and explore your private areas -- but that you are willing to do so in order for them to learn in a safe place and in a proper manner. Most parents for generations going back thousands of years have neglected to inform their children, probably because they had never been informed either. So, in our contemporary society, we are treading in new territory and need to be cautious.
Touch can either be wonderful or terrible, depending upon the adult touching his or her child and depending upon the way in which they touch their children. If they are able to control their sexual urges when their children grope their bodies, all will end well. However, if the adult cannot control his or her need for sexual release, disaster could happen. Force is not a loving way to teach children what they need to know nor the way to teach them how to approach the opposite sex.
The first lesson could be simply uncoveting one's modesty and likely allowing touch. The second lesson could explain that each person's body can give them exquisite feelings and demonstrate how is is accomplished. Then give the child the choice whether they wish to explore by themselves or in your presence. Another lesson would be one in which you allow them to pleasure you. Then, if they are willing to allow you to touch them, you can touch them in ways that they enjoy.
Now understand, that the whole process is for their education, not to satisfy your urges nor gratify your desires. That is the fence we walk. If the process is reversed and adults force themselves on their children without teaching them all about sex, they may understand that force and violence are the norm. Then they would either end up in prison or in a marriage that does not last a lifetime.
Touch is important, extremely important, and provides fantastic thrills! Touch is vital to one's health. Touch has no substitute. Words cannot convey the full meaning of love. Pictures cannot convey the true meaning of love. A twinkle in the eye and a smile may be understood as 'I love you,' but more likely simply means 'I want to touch you!' A smile means 'Don't run away from me. I want to get to know you better! Let's be friends!'
A flirtatious smile means 'I desire to know all about you, intimately! I'm envisioning your naked body. I'm fantasizing about your erect manhood by seeing the bulge in your pants (or) I'm fantasizing about your beautiful breasts and fuzzy crotch and want to see it/them and touch it/them -- and have lots of fun with you.' All of flirting leads up to touch. Without touch, we don't quite experience the full sense of another person's presence. Men shake hands out of courtesy; women often hug to show kinship; and children need touch to know they are accepted by adults.
Touch affirms. Touch gratifies. Touch leads to wanting more. I always want more! My wife knows I always want more, but she never experienced much touching in her childhood and youth and never learned that bare hugs are very affirming.
I'd like to turn Ben Franklin's quotation around to say 'A bush (Love Nest) in the hand is worth more than words can explain!' Another tangled quotation would be 'A bird (Love Wand) singing in the bush while enjoying a 'picnic in the grass' may not be heard, but will be felt as it explodes some beautiful music!' What started out as a series of erotic comparisons to Ben Franklin's 'bird in the hand' turned out to be a lecture. A person's mind can play funny tricks on him or her. I'm sorry if this was neither fun nor educational.
After 50 years of knowing about pleasure, but not even feeling fulfilled in a 40-year marriage, I'm so elated to find this site that lets us communicate intimately, that I've become addicted to the site and have gotten carried away submitting stories and comments. I'll slow down my contributions after a while, but am relieved to have a safe place to share my intimate thoughts! Thanks for listening and thanks for sharing. I'm going to read some of your stories now and have fun!