The Defining Moment
This is what happened to me when I was a child. In retrospect, I can say that it was a defining moment in my personality and was the first time I became aware of anything erotic or sexual.
When I was in second grade, one day, we were all lined up by the teacher (boys in one column, girls in another) and marched down the hall to the health office in the school. The teacher told us that we were all going to be "examined" (although, I for one did not know what that meant) and that we were to follow instructions given to us at the health office. When we got there, we sat in the hallway and waited our turn to go into the health office one by one. Once there, the girls were told to go one way and the boys another. When it was my turn to go in, I entered the door to the health office and was told by the school nurse to knock on the door to the room on the left and not to go in but to wait for instructions. So I walked through the adjoining room to the left until I came to the closed door. Then I knocked on it. Almost instantly a man opened the door and I entered the room as he shut the door behind me. I heard the door lock with an audible click.
The room was the school nurse's room but it was now set up with a green cloth hospital like screen across one corner of the room. It smelled sterile and antiseptic and it was a little chilly. The man said something to me (introduced himself I guess) and to this day I presume that he was a doctor although I dont know that for sure. I dont remember his name. He was pleasent and friendly and he smiled as he told me not be afraid and the examination would go just fine. He went on that he was at the school to examine all the little boys "for their special interests". I did not know what he meant by that at the time. Then he looked at me with a gentle look and a smile and asked me if I had to pee. I was a little embarrassed that he had asked me that (I was only 7 or 8 after all) but I replied no. He then put one hand on my back and the other on my shoulder and lead me gently across the room to behind the screen. Once there, he pulled the screen in to enclose us and sat on a small wheeled stool and told me to stand in front of him. I did so, and then raised my eyes and looked at him and waited for him to tell me what to do (as the teacher had told me too). I had no idea what an examination entailed so I did not anticipate what was to happen. I waited for what seemed a long time to a 7 year old (in reality it was probably no longer than a minute) as he leafed through some papers on a clipboard that was in his lap. He flipped them back and forth with increasing agitation as if he was looking for something or trying to decide something. He then paused his shuffling, looked up at me, smiled, and said "drop your pants".
That is all he said, "Drop your pants" and then he went back to flipping through his papers.
I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly (I remember thinking that an adult would not tell me to do that)and, not sure what to do, I hesitantly waited or him to repeat what he had said. After a short while, he looked up, laughed slightly, and smiled reassuringly at me. "Don't be afraid" he said. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it as if to reassure me that all would be alright. I felt very strange at the thought of taking my pants down in front of him (my heart started pounding in my chest) but, after all, he was an adult and I remembered what the teacher had told us. He asked me if the teacher had told us to do what we were told to do during the examination.
I said "Yes."
"Well then", he said, "Do as you were told."
I looked down as my hands started to shake (that was strange to me) and while looking at the floor (I could not look at him) I dutifully unbuckled my belt, unclasp my pants, pulled my zipper down, and I let my pants drop down to my ankles. I was frightened, and more than a little embarrassed at this point but what was most disturbing to me was the strange new feeling in my penis (I had never felt that before). I glanced up at him after dropping my pants and he was still smiling at me. As I looked at him, a frown came across his face as if he thought something was wrong and I got the distinct feeling that I had taken too too long to do what he told me to do. Then quite suddenly and unexpectedly he reached out and slipped his hand under the waistband of my underpants and down to my crotch in one swift move. I was startled and it made me jump and I involuntarily let out a small gasp.
His hand felt large, warm, and powerful and I was surprised by the suddeness of his move (no one had ever touched me there before). The next thing I knew he withdrew his hand and in one move pulled my underpants down to my ankles.
My penis and testicles flopped out into the cool air. He told me to put my arms up over my head and he pulled my shirt off. He then held my arm (tightly) and told me to step out of my pants and the next thing I knew there I was standing naked in front of him. Then he just stopped then and looked at me. He gazed at me up and down and kept staring at my crotch. The way he was looking at me made me nervous. Involuntarily my hands moved to cover myself from his penetrating gaze. "Put your hands on top of your head" he said as he moved my arms up and I did as he forced me to do. He put his large hands on me and frantically rubbed me all over my abdomen, my chest, my legs, under my arms and underarms, my neck and my crotch, especialy my crotch. No part of me was immune from his touch. He told me to turn around and as I did he put his hands on my bottom and rubbed and moved his hands all over my back and bottom and legs. I turned around again as he told me to.
I think I was in shock at what was happening. I wanted to hide and to cover myself with my hands, but when I looked at the expression on his face it made me afraid to do so. He was so forceful and intense and I was afraid of him. I felt very embarrassed (and excited too I now realize) to be naked in front of another person, especially a man, and especially this man who seemed so powerful, so in control, and forceful. I felt very small and helpless and vulnerable as he seemed to look right through me. He still smiled at me but his demenor was now very dominant and agressive and not as friendly as before. He looked at me and told me to come closer to him. I was still reeling from being naked and all the new things that were happening to me and I guess I did not move fast enought for him because before I could move toward him he reached out and grabbed me by my penis and pulled me by it towards him. It hurt when he did that and I said "ow, ow, ow" as I scooted along across the floor towards him.
Tears started to well up in my eyes and my heart was now pounding fast and hard. All this was very new to me and somewhere deep deep inside I knew that it should not be happening. Yet there was another feeling that I could not put my finger on. It wasn't till later that I realized how strangely exciting this was me.
He started asking me questions and began pulling my penis this way and that with his right hand as he put his other hand on my testicles (that made me jump). He asked if I wanted to be a good little boy and I said yes (at that he rolled my testicles with the fingers of his left hand). He asked me if I ever touched myself and I said no (in response to that he pulled my penis with a start). He then said what about when you pee? and I said yes I hold my peepee when I pee. (He said that's being a good boy, he said, always tell me the truth and dont lie to me because I can tell when you lie). He asked if I liked girls and I said I dont know. He asked if I liked boys and I said I guess (and he tugged on my penis once again making me jerk). Do you like boys? he repeated and I said yes I guess so (and he smiled and said good boy and gently rubbed my penis and pinched my nipple between his thumb and finger). He asked me if I every 'hurt' down there (as he tugged on my scrotum) and I said didnt know what he meant and he said do these every hurt (as he pulled on my testes) and I said no. Do they hurt now? he asked as he started tapping on my testicles with his left hand while holding my penis with his right. Then with his foot he spread my legs out as far as they would go and he told me to bend my knees. He then held the head of my penis between his tumb and forefinger and pulled it out taught and put his right knee against my abdomen so I could not move without hurting. I could not move away from his tapping. The tapping got more and more intense and forcefull as he continued to hold me still and ask me questions. I had never felt so incredibly helpless and controlled before. I put my small hands on his large one on my penis as if to beg for him to stop (he seemed to like that I was helpless). (Did I ever wet my pants? -no, Tap, Did anybody ever touch me here? -no, Tap, Did I like his examination of me?-nnno I studdered, TAP, then he said dont lie, I can tell when you lie, TAP,TAP, I know you like it he said, TAP, Did I ever 'play' with myself? - and I said I didnt know what he meant, TAP) The questions went on and on and he kept tapping my testicles more and more forcefully until I said yes, yes, to whatever he asked, and then he asked Does this hurt? (as he tapped the hardest) and I said yes, yes it HURTS, it hurts please, please stop! And he stopped.
My penis hurt and my testicles ached and I was ready to cry, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Look at me" he said. He took my chin in his hand and looked at me sternly and reminded me that I had said that I wanted to be a good little boy and that good little boys dont cry and they always tell the truth during examinations and they do what they are told to do. He told me that this examination for my own good. He then said that only bad little boys lie and that bad boys get punished and he asked me again if I wanted to be a good little boy and I said yes I did, I really did. He asked if I wanted to be punished and I said no, no I did not, I wanted to be good. He then smiled an evil smile and squeezed my penis and let go of my testicles and turned his attention to his bag on the floor next to him.
I was stunned and terribly embarrassed and humiliated by all the new sensations that were swirling inside me. My head was spinning and I was confused by all that was going on. Too many sensations were coming too fast for me to understand. The things he did hurt me but (I realize in retrospect) there was a strange new feeling in my penis that I had never felt before and I liked his touching me and his attention to me (even though he hurt me). I stood there waiting for what was next feeling the cool air on my genitals and feeling quite naked, small, and vulnerable and how good it felt not to hurt. My testicles were aching. My penis felt strange and I looked down at it and it was growing bigger. I was astounded!
(In retrospect that was the first time in my life I can remember getting an erection). I looked up and as I did he looked at me and then down at my hardening penis and he smirked and smiled a wicked smile. He took my testicles in his hand again, (he smiled when I jumped from his touch) and he told me to turn my head and cough right then left as he held my testicles.
As I coughed he pushed up on my testicles, forcing me to stand on my tip toes and to hold onto his arm so I did not fall over. Then he started to squeeze each testicle between his thumb and forefinger, slowly, harder and harder, until I got red faced and started to cry cause it hurt so much. It hurt so much it made me bend over toward him. He told me to stand up straight and he pushed me up with his right hand and grabbed my penis again and pulled it toward him so I could not bend forward without hurting. Now both my penis and my testicles hurt. "Come on now" he said, "Stop that, dont cry, dont act like a baby". "This should feel good to you" he said. "I know it does". He said just a little more and he would know what he needed to know. He told me that I should just relax and do as I was told. As he squeezed me he told me that he could tell by my peepee that I liked the examination (at the time I had no idea what he meant).
Then he stopped and let go of me. The suddeness with which I stopped hurting sent me reeling. I was red faced and sniveling but I held back the tears as I stood there in front of him. Involuntarily, I reached down and rubbed my testicles and my penis. He noticed as I did so and he smiled at me and said that was good, I should do that as he fiddled once again with his papers on the clipboard. He called it 'playing with yourself'. Then the questions started again, and he asked me if I had ever touched another boy's penis. I said I didnt know what that was and he swatted my hands away (as I was still rubbing myself) and pulled on my penis and said this is a penis, a peepee is called a penis you silly little boy. He took penis in his hand and rolled it around from side to side so the underside was up. He twisted and pulled on it until I said "Please, please Sir, please stop that hurts."
Then he took my testicles in his left hand (I jumped) and said that he knew when I was lying and he reminded me to tell the truth because bad boys get punished for lying. He asked me again if I had ever touched another boys penis and I said no I had not ever touched one. He asked me if I wanted to touch one and I said no (he pulled on my penis). "Ow, ow please" I said. He asked if I had ever seen another one and I said that I could not remember.
He shook his head and said bad boy as he squeezed my testicles and made me yelp. Then he pulled my testicles straight down and asked me again if I had ever seen another boy's penis and I said yes in gym class some of the boys liked to show off their peepees. "Did you look at them." "Yes" I answered.
"Did you like looking at them" - "Yes" I said (I said yes to everything he asked me now). "Did you show your penis to the other boys?". "No I didnt".
He frowned and said "Oh but I know you want to dont you?" and I said yes I did. "Good boy" he said.
He then looked at my penis and told me that it was small, not like normal boys and that his touching it would make it grow. He said I should be thankful that he was helping me. He then put his hands on my hips (they felt so big and strong and powerful on me) and spun me around and told me to put my hands on the floor. As I did so, (I had to, he put his hand on my back and pushed me down) he put his hands on my bottom and massaged my butt and spread my cheeks apart as if examining my anus. He then grabbed my testicles once again with his left hand and pulled them up behind me (so I could not move). Then he put a finger from his right hand into my rectum and started to move it around inside me (touching the inside walls) and moving it in and out of me (I realize now he was fucking me with his finger). It was such an incredible sensation on the inside of my rectum, it was almost overpowering.
I must have started to make noises or something because he told me not to cry and to just relax and enjoy it. He then pulled my testicles straight back towards him and I had no choice but to move back onto his finger as he did that in time with his finger moving in and out of me. I was swaying backward and forward into his finger. Then he held his finger still and pulled me back and forth onto it (like I was fucking his finger). He would pull me so far back toward him that it seemed like his finger was all the way inside me. He told me again not to cry, to try as long as I could to be calm. He told me I was being a good boy, I was doing fine, the examination was going well, and that he knew that I secretly liked it. He then let go of my testicles and reached down and took hold of my penis. He started to rub it in time with his finger going in and out of me and then he began to flip it with his fingers and hit it. I dont know how long this went on but eventually I could stand it no longer and my face got redder and redder and when he started to wiggle his finger inside me I started to cry (I tried hard not to cry as he had told me to, I was so afraid of being punished). He then said I was being a bad boy and with one last squeeze of my testicles he stopped, pulled his finger out, and let go of my testicles. He squeezed my cheeks with his hands and spread them out and looked at my anus again. He then slapped and swatted my butt and told me to stand up and turn around. I did so slowly because of all the new sensations going on and swirling inside my head. I had never had anything in my rectum before or had my penis touched like that (it was strangely pleasurable) nor had I ever been treated like he was treating me. It all felt so terribly new and strange and I felt light headed as I stood up and I was trembling with both excitement and fear (and from the cold). I told him that I had tried hard to be a good boy and not cry (in hopes that he would not punish me anymore). He smiled, he liked me pleading with him.
As I turned around he noticed my trembling and smiled (seems he liked that). He looked at me with such a penetrating and knowing look that it seemed to go right through me. I became aware of sensations in my penis and I looked down at myself and my penis was bigger and harder than it had ever been before. I was once again amazed and astonished at it (I did not understand what was happening, I did not understand that I had an erection). He was wiping his hand and he looked at my penis and smiled that evil wicked smile again and chuckled; "Well,well,well" he said, "look at this!?"
He then told me once again he knew I liked this and he reached out and squeezed my penis and pulled on it and yanked on it until I asked him to stop please, "Please Sir stop". He held my penis in a circle made of this thumb and forefinger and pulled on it gently from the base to the tip. This felt very good and did not hurt at all. He held my shoulder with one hand and rubbed my penis like that and I did not want him to stop (I didnt know it then but I realize now that he was masterbating me). He took a tube out of his bag and squeezed a little gel on his hand and returned to touching me. It was electric and felt so absolutely wonderful! I started to tremble and shake because it felt so good. He told me to put my hands on his shoulders (I did) and he continued to rub my penis like that. He asked me if it felt good and I said yes, oh yes it did. Then he started doing it more and more roughly and stared yanking on my penis until it hurt me and he asked me if it still felt good and I said no, he was hurting my peepee. He chuckled and laughed at this and then got a look in his eye and he pinched the head of my penis between his thumbnail and his finger until I yelped and asked him to "Please please stop Sir" because it hurt so bad.
My cock was still hard and he put the palm of one hand underneath it and slapped his other hand on top of it (like he was clapping hands but more forcefully). It seemed to give him great pleasure when I started and jumped and flinched as he did that. Then he put my testicles and my penis in the palm of his hand and slapped again and I thought I would pass out it hurt so bad. I started to cry in ernest now and I begged him to stop; please, please stop. He stopped, smiled, and gently stroked my penis once again (that felt sooo good). He then rubbed his hands all over my pubic area, penis, testicles and my bottom and said that I was nice and smooth and fresh that I was a good little boy and I could make him very happy (At that time I had no idea what he meant).
He then told me to put my pants on. I tried to do so and he helped me pull up my underpants and buckle my pants and put my shirt on and tuck it in. He put his arms around me and pulled me in between his legs and hugged and consoled me. I could feel something huge in his pants (obviously his erection I later realized). He wiped my face, helped me blow my nose, and held me until the tears were gone. He told me I was a good little boy and very special and as he did so he held my butt in the palm of his hand and genlty (almost lovingly) squeezed it (in retrospect I loved this attention from him). He was so mean and yet so kind to me. He told me the examination had gone very very well. He said he would talk to the teacher and see if he could come and visit me again. I was petrified that he would.
He told me to go out the door and if anyone asked to tell them that everything went well. I was terrified to stay and yet reluctant to leave (I loved all the sensations and his touching me) but I went out into the hall. The teacher was there waiting and she saw that I was red faced and obviously had been crying and she chastized me for being so weepy. She told me to stop crying, I should act my age, it didnt hurt and to stop being a baby.
For a long time afterwood I thought that what had happened to me during the "examination" had happened to all the boys and that it was me who was a 'cry baby' and could not take it. When I was 13 or 14 I realized that this man was a sadist and a homosexual and that for some reason he chose me to molest. I do not know how many boys were molested that day or if I was the only one. In retrospect, I guess I am lucky that he did not sodomize me.
For many years after that incident I was terrified that he was going to return and hurt me again. At the same time, whenever I thought of him returning I was incredibly excited by the thought of him touching me, doing things to me, and making me do things. He took me to such pain and such pleasure. Everytime I thought about him and that incident I would get a throbbing erection (to this day it turns me on to think of it). I would say that from the age of 8 to 14 or 15 I would dream of him almost nightly and my cock would get hard and I would rub it against the sheets and pillow. I would squeeze my balls and pull on my cock and would imagine that he was doing that. I would close my eyes and think of him as I played with myself, imagining that I was there again under his control. One night, when I was 11 or 12 I was thinking of him and playing with myself and I ejaculated for the first time. I was scared to death as I had no idea what had happened or what masterbation or semen was. But it felt so damm good I kept on thinking of him and masterbating and cumming hard. I started masterbating every night.
As the years went on and I learned about fellatio I dreampt one night that as he was "examining" me he pulled his cock out of his pants and made me hold it, lick it, and suck on it. It was huge and hard and smooth with a big purple head and it took both my small hands to go around it. I could barely get it in my mouth but he held me and stuck it down my throat and made me suck it. In my dream/fantasy he would rub my head as he fucked my mouth and he came buckets into my mouth, almost coking me with the volume of his cum. Whenever that dream happened I would wake up and my sheets would be full of semen from my wet dreams. I would masterbate and lick up my own cum while imagining it was his.
I am still very very turned on by this story and I harbor no malice towards him at all. In retrospect, I liked it, he pegged me as liking it from the begining for some reason and when I got an erection he knew that I was potentially just like him. That is probably why he finger fucked me. He was obviously very excited and liked 'breaking me in' to such activities.
It was an experience that I will never forget and the thought is still incredibly erotic to me.
If this turned you on or you have a comment please write to me at D