Take one of those temurpedic pillows, and at the large end, rip a hole a little bit larger than yor cock, DO NOT REMOVE ANY MATERIAL, and make it a good inch shorter than your cock. without any baggies or whatnot, put lube in and insert! thrust until you cum, and for clean up, just take 2 fingers and sop away the wettness with tissues. MAKE SURE IT IS DRY WHEN YOU FINISH CLEAN UP. If it's not, it will probably grow mold and mildew.
Best non real fuck I've ever had.