As the mother of two teenagers I have to admit I have wondered on occasion how far along they are on their sexual awareness. The other day I surprisingly got some clues. Apparently one of the kids forgot to delete the history on the computer in our family room and I came across the Solo Touch website opened multiple times. As I read through some of the stories I was really surprised by the ones one of my teenagers was reading. The stories seemed to center around a boyfriend and girlfriend masturbating together. I wondered if it was my 14 year old son or 16 year old daughter who was reading the stories. Since my 16 year old is actually dating somewhat, I kind of thought it might be her more than my son but I couldn't really be sure. I was concerned that my daughter was becoming more sexually involved with someone than I had expected and so I thought quite a bit about whether or not to approach her with the subject. I decided to let it go and not get into it.
A couple of weeks later I happened to get up during the night to use the bathroom and get something to drink and as I passed by my daughters room I could hear her talking to someone supposedly on her cell phone. I couldn't keep myself from listening and as I did boy was I shocked. She was obviously having a rather detailed sexual conversation with someone and by the sound of it all I was almost sure she was masturbating while talking to someone on the phone. The language and things she was telling this person were really very personal sexual things and describing what she was doing to herself. I was shocked. My daughter was obviously having phone sex with someone. I had no idea she would ever do that.
I waited for an opportunity when her and I would be alone and just kind of approached her about the subject of sex. She didn't really want to talk to me about it and seemed very nervous with my bringing it up. I just said that I wanted her to be safe and to be sure that if she was having sex it was what she really wanted. When she asked me what was up with all the questions all of a sudden I just told her the truth. I said I'd seen the Solo Touch history on the computer and that the themes of the stories got me wondering and worried that she'd begun to have some sexual encounters. She was very embarrassed and I could tell she was shocked that I'd found the stories. I just tried to support her and let her know that it was ok to be having sexual feelings and she just needed to be very careful about what kind of experimenting she might be doing. She finally and very embarrassingly said she wasnt really doing anything with her boyfriend yet but....and a long pause...she was having sexual feelings.
I just reassured her that all that was ok and if she was in fact masturbating that that was ok too. She was obviously very embarrassed by the direction of our conversation but did admit the need to 'do it' sometimes. I told her that was perfectly normal and that she didn't need to be embarrassed about it at all. I actually even went so far as to encourage her to stick with masturbating as long as she could for sexual relief and try to avoid having sex for as long as she could until she was older. In the coming weeks we ended up having more talks and she even revealed to me that she masturbates quite often and she's glad we were able to actually talk about it. I reinforced the fact that it is totally normal and was even vulnerable enough to admit that even though I am very satisfied with my sexual relationship with her dad, that I too still masturbate a fair amount. She was really surprised by this but I think it just made us both more comfortable about being able to talk openly about sex.
So as far as other moms out there I just wanted to write and say it's ok to talk to your teenagers and at least in my case both my daughter and I are glad we did.