I guess I will start by giving a little background. I'm divorced, in my mid-thirties, and live with my only son, (I'll call him Ryan) on the east coast of Florida. Ryan has always loved the beach and spent most of his time growing up swimming and surfing. Just before he started high school he caught wave that threw him into some sharp rocks and mangled both of his shins pretty badly. The lifeguards on duty, kept him from drowning thank God but he was left with extensive nerve damage in both legs below the knee that caused a tremendous amount of pain. He was in a wheelchair when freshman year began, and then on crutches. He got better but his gate was very jerky, almost dragging his left foot. By the end of his sophomore year he had gotten only a little more control and his doctors said that it was about as good as he was going to get. I don't think either of us believed it, but he just turned 19, still limps, and will sometimes fall flat without rhyme or reason.
Last week, a few days after prom, two buddies of his came over and I over heard them talking about the dance and things that happened after. I knew Ryan, who went alone and has never even been on a date, would not have much to say. His 'friend' made a nasty comment saying that Ryan would never 'get ANY' and if he did, that the girl would have to 'do everything TO him'. When I heard the other boys teasing him, I wanted to knock their heads together, but instead I came in and told them it had gotten too late and they would have to head home.
I could tell Ryan was upset by what they said, and he asked me 'did you hear?' I told him that I had. Then he asked if they were right, if he would ever be able to 'do it' like a normal guy. I have never talked much about sex to my son, and it must have been hard for him to ask me such a thing. My heart broke and I assured him that he would be able to do everything just fine when that time came. He reminded me that it hurt him to kneel for very long and that he was sure the girl would be disappointed, when he could not do it the 'usual' way. I was uncomfortable having this discussion with my son, but also wanted to reassure him.
Without really thinking about it I got an instructional book, I have been ironically hiding from him for years, turned to the positions chapter, and brought it for him to look at. I should have left him alone but I sat with him showing him that there are lots of ways and pointing out the ones that would be easy for him. I thought he would be embarrassed, but he had no problem asking questions and even joking about some of the more outrages couplings. The manual has explicit drawings and he started to fidget, on the bed next to me. I noticed that he had a hard on and I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone so he could 'take care of it'. I was surprised when he asked if I would stay and talk to him while he did. He said that he didn't want to be alone. I knew right then, that I should leave but I didn't and my son (who I have not seen naked in years) pulled out the largest most magnificent cock I have ever seen in real life and started to rub it.
I sat trying not to look while my boy jacked off only a foot away! I flipped pages and talked about the pictures, but the sight of him made me wetter than I have been in years, and when he came into a t shirt I actually stared right at it. I told him that he would surely make some woman very lucky, and that he could keep the book, before I kissed him goodnight, and went to bed. I'm ashamed to say that I masturbated myself to the memory of his dick before falling asleep. I though that would be the end of it.
Since then he has come every night and asked if I will 'sit with him', and every night I have. We talk about sex and laugh with each other, and both enjoy the intimacy, but I need to stop this before it goes any further. I'm afraid that a secret like this could destroy what little self-confidence he has left, but I can't bear to reject him. I found this site looking for masturbation techniques, in hopes I could find something more exciting for him than the current arrangement, and decided to tell my story when I saw others like it. If anyone has ideas or advice that could help: please share.