For some reason I think God wants me to be gay.
I was five, one afternoon at a preschool friend's house playing Spiderman vs. Batman. I was Spiderman; he was Batman. While grasped in a choke-hold, my little pubeless dick pointed straight out of my blue terrycloth shorts. Their was no need to hide it from him - he (Batman) was well aware of this. I often wonder if this was the beginning of my life struggle to suppress my homosexual tendencies.
Acutally, I should state that I very much like women. I love women! Though I have never had a relationship, intimate or otherwise in my short 20 years of being alive. Needless to say that there's plenty of time for me to change this dilemma, but for the strangest reason, every single one of my sexual experiences has only involved another male, and none were intentional, but pure coincidence that has left me confused. None of my encounters with other men/boys have been of my doing, nor have I pursued any of them. Truthfully, I cannot lie and say that any of these experiences I am going to share, have not been without some cooperation on my behalf, and in all, they have not affected my sexuality because they definately have.
At first, I thought I was just paranoid, but the more I have realized that these homosexual encounters predated farther than my first believed-to-be homosexual experience at age 13, when I was self-meditating recently. In my subconscious, I found a hidden memory, that I had been keeping for quite sometime of myself at age four. I forementioned that I was playing with my preschool friend earlier at his home. I'll refer to him as Batman (it may sound goofy and it is) but if my instincts are correct, then I believe my former preschool friend is likely to be a contributer to this website. Though I have no proof of this- as stated before that this is purely instinctual.
Batman and I met before either of us had been born. Our mothers had met while in a Lamaze class. He was my first friend, and as you already know, Batman and I attended the same preschool later on.
Our mothers became very good friends and so this would leave myself and Batman with lots of time to play together while visiting at one another's homes. Batman's mother was a post-Vietnam hippie, and well over a decade older than my mother who was 26 when she had me. Batman was her third child. Her first being Batman's 19-year-old sister, and 16-year-old brother. So she was a happening woman with the younger children, knew what to expect and how to handle situations. Very opposite of my mother. Think of them as the Odd Couple, with their parent-raising attitude's on opposite sides of the spectrum. Somehow, they found each other's company to be satisfactory.
Skipping forward, it was when Batman and I were at a park in northern California with a little playground beside the ocean. Both our mothers had taken us there, and were doing their own thing while leaving Batman and me to play our typical game Spiderman vs Batman.
Well, during this never ending game that continued until I moved to Arizona after preschool ended, I said to Batman, 'I hafta pee pee.' Batman concurred that he too had to pee as well. So we both went to pee, but first we had to verify this with our mothers.
After telling them, Batman's mother opted to take us out to the wooded area off of the playground area to pee since the park had no restroom nearby (talk about convenience) while my mother waited for us. So Batman's mother took myself and him out into the woods, away from the rest of the mothers, and their children. We went nearby the ocean to do our business. When we were out of view from everyone, that's when I encountered my first homosexual experience.
Batman's mother, instead of letting him pee on his own, pulled down his sweatpants too, low and behold, revealing his Batman undies, and then pulling those down as well, to take his little boy cock in her hand helping him direct his pee stream into the Pacific ocean. All the meanwhile, I was peeing and watching this with curiosity. I knew Batman could pee on his own because we'd do it together in the preschool bathroom. We'd make a game out of it called, 'Don't Cross the Streams.'
Batman's mom is not just helping him direct his pee, but also switching between fondling his boy balls and squeezing his little boy butt. She never said anything while doing this, but acted as if this was a normal thing to do. I finished way before Batman and his mother did, and just waited.
After they finished, Batman's mom then turned and said to me, 'Come and help me clean him.' I didn't know what she meant. 'Here, just come by me,' she responded. I walked over to stand beside Batman, and that's when his mother told me to watch and copy what she did.
She instructed me to do things that can't be printed here on Solotouch. Being four years old, I couldn't be expected to know what I was doing, but I did know that this wasn't right. I vividly remember her reassuring me, 'This is perfectly normal. Everything between us is just fine. Ok? No one else but us will know our secret.' Her tone of voice is still as clear as day when I recite this line in my head. It conjures many emotions ranging from anger, to sadness, and even excitement.
Batman and I had many more of these sessions at his home when my mother would leave me there to play with him (literally). Overtime, we became comfortable groping each other's little bodies in front of Batman's mother. I cannot lie, this was very fun and most of all, it felt good. For hours, he and I would play on top of each other's naked little bodies, just fondling and sniffing each other's penises. It was only at his home where we were comfortable doing this though, because of the reassurance his mother gave us.
This was the beginning of my sexuality...