I have been a big fan of Solo Touch for many years. I will admit that it, along with many of its stories, has helped me come to terms and accept my enjoyment of masturbation.
For the first time I have gathered enough courage to share a story of my own. I hope that it may help another reader as I have been helped. I apologize in advance for the length of this story but hope you find it a worthy read.
I had discovered masturbation very early but did not know what it was called or that others did it. I was always taught that your private parts were personal-don't stare at others if you see them naked in the shower and that sort of thing. So I was very private about my indulgence in self pleasure, very innocently so. As I got older and into puberty I attended the compulsory sex education courses and learned about what I was doing. Unfortunately I grew up in a religious household so simultaneously I learned that what I was doing was wrong. Naturally you hear the stories of how masturbation drains you and causes an array of disorders. Being young and easily influenced I believed these stories and began a long period of self denial. I would struggle not masturbate; in fact, I struggled not to even want to do it (if that makes sense). In a nut shell I was conflicted all the time because I enjoyed it very much but felt so guilty. I was so ashamed about it that I wouldn't even admit to the 'sin' in confession. I would just say that I was engaging in 'selfish behaviors.' This went on for some time until my enjoyment of masturbation literally exploded over a tipping point.
That moment came (no pun intended) when I was in middle school. I was a latch-key kid and my only sibling was an older brother who was often not home (school functions and what not). So I was home alone for a good hour each day after school. As you have guessed this would be a difficult hour for me as I would struggle to find enough distractions to avoid masturbating.
One pivotal day was particularly difficult. No matter what I did that day I couldn't take my mind off of having an orgasm. It seemed as though I walked around with a perpetual erection buldging in my shorts. I watched TV (no computers in those days), ate a snack, etc. The erection, and the thoughts, would not go away. At one point I was in the kitchen and slid my pants down, ready to just give in, then stopped as I let myself talk me out of it. After a few brief strokes I quickly slid my shorts back up and went to go watch TV.
Try as I might, the erection just would not go away! I sat watching TV frustrated. I found myself eventually sliding down on the couch so was lying on my back with my head tilted up on the back cushion. I could watch TV easily but I also had my bulge in plain view. I felt an unconscious contraction in my pelvis and and when I looked down I saw the bulge surge in my shorts. I began to reason with myself. I thought that if I took off my shorts that maybe the sensations, and urges, would get better, the decrease in pressure would decrease the sensations. I unbuttoned my white shorts, then opened the zipper slowly. As I drew the zipper down, my fully erect penis rose underneath my underwear. So far, so good. I sill wanted to touch it but at least there was less pressure. I sat there, with my shorts now at my knees, in my underwear, thinking that was enough. I looked at the TV then back to my underwear. Gosh, I thought, that bulge is just not going away. Not to mention, as I looked down on my underwear I could catch a glimpse. That is, everytime I contracted my pelvis, my penis would throb and raise up off my abdomen. That rising lifted the elastic band and I could see a glimpse of the tip of my erect penis. There was even a bit of moisture there. After looking away and then looking back at the glimpses if my wet tipped penis, I finally told myself that the pressure from my underwear was making things worse. If I loosened that, then may be the sensations and urges would go away. Not fully convinced of my own logic, I slowly lifted the undewear band over my very erect, very hard, dripping penis. I watched myself, as if in slow motion reveal the head, full length of the shaft, and then my sparsely haired scrotum. With my underwear at my knees I finally was releaved of the pressure on my penis. I turned back to the TV. I sorta felt funny lying there with my penis exposed-this countered the benefit of having no stimulation on it. I tried to avoid the thoughts or feelings about laying that way but it was hard to do so. Every time I turned away from the TV there was the damp tip of my penis looking back at me. I would try not to look but always ended up turning back towards it. Then, for the first time, I actually started to really look at my penis. I saw the smoothness of the head (circumcised), the subtle veins in the shaft that created ripples and undulations in the skin. I saw the long ridge of the urethra that ran from the base of the head to my scrotum. I flexed my pelvis and as my penis rose again I could see the hole open wide, the skin of the head get taught. I looked into the hole but couldn't see very far. I found it interesting as I flexed off and on and watched my penis rise and fall. I began to actually admire it. I started to realize that I actually appreciated looking at it. I touched it with the tip of my index finger. The smooth head first-so tight the skin, but soft at the same time. With the same finger I slowly oulined the veins along the side of the shaft. It was amazing to see the details with this new insight, new appreciation. I was also getting even more turned on. I pressed the side of the shaft with two fingers and marveled at how hard it was. Yet the skin, the skin was so soft and smooth. I don't know how long I sat there that way, probably not long. During my admiration I forgot I was so horny. I touched the shaft with my other hand (not even a stroke) and all of a sudden my hips bucked, my penis rose higher than before, and a large amount of semen shot from the tip in what I can only describe as a very surreal orgasm. I pressed on the shaft from both sides for added pleasure during the throngs of this orgasm. I also never took my eyes off of my penis or the ejaculation of semen that came out of it. Even at the end, I found it enthralling to watch the fluid drip down and form a puddle on my stomach. I suddenly had a new wonderous appreciation for my penis and how it looked and made me feel.
Through that experience and this site, I have reached a new level in my masturbation experiences: I not only enjoy the feeling, I enjoy the whole experience (especially visually). I believe this new appreciation has helped me come (again no pun intended) to realize that self pleasure is a beautiful thing. It is not only safe but it teaches us to love ourselves and who we are. I encourage anyone, man or woman (young and young at heart), to really explore yourself when you masturbate and, if possible, watch yourself. See what you are doing that feels so wonderful. Admire the beauty of your body-watch the skin respond to your touch. Be truly present and don't let guilt or shame rob you of the full impact of the experience! You have been blessed with this body and only you can really know what makes it feel so good. It is a wonderful world of discovery.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.