On Women and Desire

Posted by: Author: Age: 47 Posted on: 0 comments
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I'm a woman who has always had a high sex drive. My hormones are in the 'high normal' range, so maybe that helps things. I'm very sympathetic to men; I know what it feels like to have a high sex drive, yet I know my testosterone level is only a fraction of what is coursing through the veins of men. It must be a lot to deal with, preoccupying, to say the least.

There is a book called, 'Think and Grow Rich' that provides a whole chapter on the link between sex drive and achievement. It even cites the high sex drives of many highly successful people throughout history. It talks about the amazing power of the sex drive when coupled with its full expression in the context of a loving relationship and even more importantly about how a man as a human being needs reassurance of his worth, both as a man, i.e., his physical attractiveness and skill, and of his ability to support and provide for his family. Much of that happens in the sexual arena and is essential to a good relationship and, if it applies, to a solid family.

Since sex drive is so intricately linked to our zest for living, I can't imagine any woman not wanting to do everything in her power to keep alive a full and active sex life.

I've heard of women with the lack of desire problem who seek a hormonal solutions...maybe the key is a good doctor and hormonal supplementation?

Of course, if a woman has never known great sex (maybe due to repression or inhibitions), I can see how a low sex drive wouldn't occur to her as something worth 'correcting' except as it relates to her husband's, which she may then resent. That...is complicated.

I've had my share of inhibitions, including body image hangups. Growing up I had a lot of conflict about my sex drive. Masturbation was a much-needed release but it was accompanied by shame and secrecy. It took me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality.

Before I met my husband, I had been in a relationship where my partner's sex drive was less than mine, so I know from personal experience how lonely and frustrating that can be, not to mention demoralizing. It did help me to realize the importance of good mating. I set out to make sure that whomever my future husband turned out to be, I wanted him to be a good match for me sexually.

As for inhibitions about my body, my husband helped me a lot by sharing certain things that you've also mentioned, for instance, how much he loves to look at my body...and the more intimate, the better!

I had a scare recently where my sex drive did take a nosedive. It seemed to be related, again, to hormones. It passed within about six weeks, but it gave me an appreciation for what a low sex drive feels like.

One thing I can't relate to is the love of shopping and spending money, especially loving it more than sex. I'm sure that having a lot of cash to spend would take some of the stress I experience out of shopping, but even so...as much as I love clothes, I would much rather be naked at home in bed with my husband having a monster orgasm.

I saw a cartoon in The New Yorker where a couple was lying in bed together reading. They were both smiling, obviously enjoying their books. His was 'The Joy of Sex'; hers was 'The Joy of Sax.' It made me laugh, but it also made me sad to think that it could be so.

I'm sure it's very hard to realize that your life partner is not your match sexually and that things feel wrong. To the extent that you feel you were duped into thinking it would be otherwise, that is very sad. I would feel angry, too.



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