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Not Just Curiosity

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Lots of the girls who write for this site seem to get turned on by looking at pictures of other girls even though they say they aren't lesbians. I had a hard time there for a while figuring out what I was. When I was 12 and 13 I was very, very interested in Penthouse and Playboy magazines that my friends or friends parents had (my family was very strict and nothing like that ever got into the house). I would look at the pictures of the girls for as long as I could. I told myself that I was just curious since my breasts had only just started to develop. They never did get very big and later on I liked to think that my interest in the models big breasts was just wishing I had breasts like theirs. Finally I did have to face the fact that I wasn't just curious. I would look at their bodies, especially the ones with big round breasts, and my pussy would throb. Sometimes I would rub my clitoris fast and hard when I had a chance to look at the magazines alone so that I could come before anyone interrupted me and I had intense orgasms.
So I did get turned on by girls. But I was attracted to boys and so the girl stuff seemed mostly to be just in my head. One time a family visited us and there weren't enough beds so they put me and a girl about my age into the same double bed. I had shared beds with friends lots of times and didn't think anything about it but this girl started stroking my arm and then my body and I realized that she was interested in sex. I got completely disgusted and told her to lay off. I know I hurt her feelings but I wasn't attracted to her at all. But another time, with a different girl, was completely different. I had one friend who had developed very fast and I thought she was sexy. We shared a bed on a sleepover and this time it was my turn to be the one making the moves. She was surprised but she went along. I loved feeling her up. We didn't go further than that but the next night I thought about her and came very fast. I still think about her, in fact, during sex. I did this only one other time, when I was 19 and stayed on campus with a girl visiting from another school. She got pretty drunk and I guess I took advantage of her. She had just the kind of breasts that made me short of breath and I started messing around with her and she was too far gone to notice or care. I had my hand in my panties bringing myself to an orgasm while I licked her nipples. I was extremely turned on but she just fell asleep. Afterward I didn't feel good about what I had done.
I haven't had sex with a girl since then and I'm married, so by now its clear that I'm straight. But a few months ago my husband bought a Penthouse and brought it home and we read some of the stories together and got all turned on. He keeps it around and I look at it when I want to get ready for sex. I don't show him the pages that I look at the most, which of course are the pictures of the beautiful girls with the big breasts. That's my little secret. He gets the benefit though.

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