Naked Jokes And More Stimulations

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I am an almost 78 year old German male. Two years ago I found the SOLO-Reports about masturbation practics. As I am very attached to this theme I read all contributions and thereby found real exitement. It was amazing to read how early many people started masturbation. I started to please myself, when I was little under 4 years old. (Thatâ??s prooved by other familiary occurrences at that time and I remind this time very good.) And I always thought, that would be an exception. Now Iâ??m told better. Nevertheless let me explain my own experiences (despite the difficulties with a foreign language), because I nowhere read or heard about my way to do 'it'.


I was in that early age when in summertime my father insisted me to take a hot saltwater-bath every noon and afterwards have a nap in bed for at least one hour. That should help me to grow up and become a strong boy. I never forgot this for I hated that, because the unsolved crystals of stone-salt scratched my buttoks. After bathing my mother brought me to bed, spread the quilt overe me and wished a good sleep. As soon as she left the bedroom my penis started to get stiff and strighten up, by that telling me, it wanted to be satisfied. Therefore I pulled my nightgown up to my chest and lifted my knees so that my body and shanks made an right angle. By that I sqeesed my little hard-one between the shanks. Then I began to struggle my legs as if I was riding a bycicle. So my young dick was stimulated because it was twistet right-around, then left-around,right-around and back again and back again and so on. In my body increased a wonderful feeling and urged me to tighten my shanks and go on faster and faster. After a while an exiting and overwhelming sensation spread over my body, occupied my brain and - best of all - concentrated in my cock, especially in my glans. I had a great feeling: a mixture of happyness, satisfaction and masochism. It was no real orgasm at that time. But it was wonderful!! 'Whoww!!' This I must have done in former days many times already. How other my penis could know it was time to errect and to be stimulated ?? Well, I certainly had practiced this procedure many times before, but I was not conscious of it and cannot imagine how this unusual method developed.

In review I think, this practice came up, because I am circumcised. The doctor appearingly had done a bad job, for my glans laid completely free and had a brought and rough scare between the skin of my shaft and the glans (still today of course). So I was very sensible there and I guess, my frenulum made me get an errection very often whenever my underwear or bedshed touched me there. Meeting that sensible point with my shanks by accident may have done the rest. I never have heard or read anyone report over this shank-pressing masturbation.

In this age of course I had no idea whatâ??s going on. I just enjoyed to sqeeze my penis between my legs until this terrible good feeling arouse. In these early days I certainly had no real orgasm but that wonderful feeling especially in my stiff penis and in my rotating top (the glans) made me struggle. I stopped working on me after my feelings explodet. For than I got tired. Later my feelings culminated to an exiting end and I had my first little (of course dry) orgasms, that made me breathless and a bit unaware, so I could sleep very well. And to be true: Today I would never have been conscious of these beautiful occurrences and would have forgotten all about, like all those many occurrences that children forget about later. In my case however I became conscious of my beatiful penis-squeezing due to the fact that my parents discovered me and made it important. Until than masturbation - I didâ??nt know that word - belonged to my daily unconscious necessities like sleep or pee (and still does, but I am very aware of it ).

Well, some day my parents stood besides my bed, asking: 'What are you doing?' Innocent as I was threw away the quilt, proudly showed my naked body with the stiff cock standig stright in the air, liftet my knees and began struggeling. 'I like it, for itâ??s doing good to me!' I said. My parents were disgusted and angry. They forbade me further exercises like this 'Naked Joke' as father called it. And, good son I was, of course promised. From now on I was very aware of my practice.

But never say never. A few days I managed to keep my promise and to resist my desire. But then my ever hard cock again demanded his exiting treetment. Furthermore I remembered this wonderful feeling I could produce (and had to miss by now). So I liftet my knees, took my hard-one between my shanks and rubbed till I (it) explodet. Fortunally nobody discovered me at once and so I went on the following days. Until again my parents came in. Possibly my dilligent working legs had made a noise, while grazing the blanked or I had breathed to heavy, perhaps my bed was rocking, anyway they must have heard me struggeling and asked 'What are you doing?' 'Nothing!' I replied. 'Are you playing that ´Naked Joke´ again?' 'Of course not!!' But my father didâ??nt believe, took away the quilt and my hard penis, that I had caressed so fine just a minute before betrayed me standing stright up. Again I heard hard comments and my parents promised me at least five different deseases and bad illnes I would get in future, if I wouldâ??nt stop doing my 'Naked Joke'. 'Itâ??s sin!' they taught me, 'and it makes you ill!'

Nevertheless I had no idea, whatâ??s all about. But I learned two lessons that time:

First: If you please yourself, be silent and let nobody discover!

Second: If you make yourself feel good, enjoy, but feel guilty too! And this guilt accompanied me till I was 17 (and therefore I remind so many occurrences.)

The following days I resisted my desires. But it was terrible! And after a time my body urged me to start pleasing myself again. In order not to be discovered and to keep silent I lifted my blanket with streched arms, so my knees would not wipe it. So I crated no noise and discovered a new stimulation. For now under the blanket I could watch my glans beeing turned round and round. Happily now I never was discovered. Perhaps my parents understood, they wouldâ??nt be able to stop me doing these fine practices, that my body urgently desired and they ignored, when I was caressing my cock. If that was so, than it was a very reasonable decision. By the way: nowadays (70 years later) I guess,my intelligent father called my action a 'Joke' to diminish the problem. And therfore he didâ??nt control me later on. I wouldâ??nt dare to blame my parants. But sometimes I wonder whether they themselves have been so abstinent, as they demanded me to be.

Summer was over and bathing too. Therefore I did my pleasing job every evening before sleep. I expirienced many orgasms, was often very exited and exhausted too. But most important: I felt wonderful and could not wait for bedtime.

Than I came to school. After a year or so and behind hollowed hands school-fellows whispered of semen, penis, genitals, glans, making children and so on. I didâ??nt take part on this talk for I didâ??nt understand anything, because I was an absolute stupid. I just became aware: here was spoken about things, that matched to my secret experiences and concerned the penis. So finally I took me a heart and asked my friend if he also did 'Naked Jokes' in bed. He however had no idea what I was talking about and therefore I offered him to show, how it is to be done. In a small pinewood I lay down on my back, pulled off my pants and startet squeezing my penis, as I was used to do. He stared at me asking: 'What is that good for?' Well, how should a boy of eight years describe an orgasm to another boy, who had no idea or practic of selfstimulation? I was unable to answer him, pulled my pants on and had my

third lesson:Never try to get in intimity with someone, who has no desire for sexual experiments. It will be boring.

Times went on and I was about nine years old and got a sleeping room of my own and now was absolutely safe in my privacy. I masturbated daily and very intensive, but still in the unusual way of my beloved 'Naked Joke'. For no one could tell or show me another way (I had no contact to other wanking boys). Till then I never (NEVER!!) had used my hands to strike or play with my cock. But my feelings grew more intensiv. I learned to press my legs closer or move faster (v.v.) in order to lower or tense my excitement or time to finish. In the meantime I looked down between my legs using a flashlight spotted onto the head of my penis. It was fine to watch the sqeesed top of my prick turning round between my shanks.


I was 13 and very ill. To recover the doctor ordered me to rest in bed every noon for at least two hours. The situation was similar to that years ago and again I used it to masturbate intensively. What else should I do in bed as long I wasâ??nt tired. As I was sure not to be disturbed, I lay naked in my bed, lifted my legs and did the wunderful 'Naked Joke'. It was fine to watch the sqeesed penis turned round and round and my orgasms always were very beautiful and intensiv.

One day I happened to see a drop of transparent liquid on the glans. Next day again. I prooved and found it slippery and somewhat salty. I had no idea what it was (certainly no pee I was sure!) and became frightened. Perhaps my parents were right and masturbating produces desease? Nevertheless I continued to please myself because I was unable to stop working on my excitement and cool down my ecstasy. But I carefully observed my development. In the next days the fluid grew silky white. And the best of all: despite my fears my excitement rose to an undiscrible high. Finally my ejaculation amunted to a quantity of a full teaspoon. That spouted out of my dick up to my chest. I was scared and managed to study some chapters of the medical books, I found hidden in my fathers wardrobe. Here I discovered all the fakts that had been hidden to me. It was semen!! Iâ??d had my first ejaculations. And further I was taught, that the right movement for the foreskin isâ??nt turning round, but back and foreward (in the vagina of course, for masturbation was nowhere mentioned). I got to try that out and after a few experiments I finally found that modus of masturbation that most man practise: The full-hand-job.

After I had managed to find out all about sex and to explore myself, a real exiting masturbation-time began to me. Now I could get an orgasm everytime by hand (or 'Naked Joke' provided a private room) and my handkerchief was always wet by sperm. So my mother asked: 'What the hell are you doing with your handkerchiefs? After washing always remain stains!' I didâ??nt give her a hint, of course and she apparently didâ??nt dare to discuss sexual problems with her horny son. I however took care to get rid of my sperm otherwise.

A few month after my first ejaculation I visited my uncle for several days. He run a pharmacy and often I was with his assistant, aged about 25 years. One afternoon he took me aside and asked freely: 'Does anything come out of your cock already if you beat him?' I felt very astonished about this unexpected question and answered in surprise: 'Yes, just a bit!' 'So come along and show me! I will show you my hard-one too!' he demanded.

I was that much surprised, that I wordless followed him to the cellar. We stood on the stairs and he took out his big and long cock, told me to grap it and at the same time fingered out mine. His penis was the first erect cock I could see and touch and I wondered, how week it was, though it was big. Mine was not as big but definitely hard as a bone. Suddenly the man knelt before me and took my hard-one into his mouth and started to suck. His tongue tingeled my frenulum and glans. Not long and I felt my sperm coming up and I warned: 'Stop, or I must spout!' That gave him a further kick. He reinforced his sucking and held me tight. Therefore at last I shot all my sperm (it was a great amount, for I was very horny) in his mouth. He swallowed and let me go. We never had contact until I left. Though I surely was angry to be blown again.

At night in bed I felt somewhat ashamed. However I resumed the afternoon. In my mind I recapitulated my orgasm and felt the speedy tongue and was very much stimulated thereby. I jerked off and again my orgasm was great and almost indefinit. I had learned my

Lesson four: Phantasy increases to be horny and makes masturbation easyer and better.

Lesson five: To be stimulated by an other person increases lust.

From now on there is not much new to tell. I masturbated dayly, mostly twice and used just for trainig the five-finger-grip, but also enjoyed my beloved 'Naked Joke' rather often. I always was naked and watched my glans getting purpur. I enjoyed my sperm splashing onto my chest. Often I stood in front of my full-sized mirror and watched me jerking off. In short: I did everything to satisfy me and enjoy my sex.

In the meantime I continued to study the medical-books and learned all the facts, that parents should talk about with growing-up children. Masturbation however was nowhere mentioned so as if it didâ??nt exist (That is 65 years back and the books were even older!). I had to complete my sexual knowledges 'on the street'. In other words, I had to figure out all by my own. Up to then I had not the slightest informations about sexual matters. I was a real stupid. Nevertheless beating my prick became a daily (and nightly) routine. And always I reached a profound relief.

It may be time now to say a word about my penis at that time. Meanwhile it had itâ??s full size. Though I had no possibility to compare (that time) and never measured it I am shure it was a fine prick. As long as it was limp it was rather short and lay down on my scrotum. But when errect it was a pride. So long that I could easyly grip it with my hand and still the mushroom-like top stood free above my hand, the glans looking like a soldiers helmet, smooth and glistening. When I tighened my grip the head became crimson. I had no foreskin and the skar beyond the glans was rough and the frenulum lay free. The veiny skin of the shaft however was very movable and allowed me to jerk with the ring of thumb and middlefinger all the way from top to root. Best of all it was bone-hard and stood stright up. Later I found out, my dick could get harder than many others and therefore I alltimes was proud of it. As often as possible I tried to watch it during masturbation. It was very stimulating to see it ejaculate and spray cum all over my body or hand. Sometimes I used a mirror to watch me.

I never had a girlfriend or guy to deal my sexual intentions with. And I had no desire at all to get in contact with girls for I stupidly didâ??nt connect masturbation and fucking, though I had red all chapters of the medicl-books. Jerking however was in my interest everytime. And the best: I didâ??nt feel guilty anymore.

When I was 17 I left school and started apprenticeship. Half a year later (april 1943) I was enlisted to the army and I can not at all remind any sexual pratices. For our sergeant was one of those heroes, who claimed to win the war all alone with his 15 men. So he harrassed us and we had neither physical nor mental force to masturbate.

There is but one exception: A young and somewhat compact boy came to our group. 'I am able to hold a waterfilled bucked with my cock!' he told. 'Hohoo!' We didâ??nt beleave and demanded: 'Let us see tonight!' Before bedtime that limber really presented his naked body, started beating his dick, made it hard, so it stood up and hung a full bucked behind. We all stared at him and his strong cock. We were astonished and applauded his hard-one. 'Now you all go to bed, I want to jerk off!' he commanded freely. So we got to sleep (really all??). As for me, I was so arroused and horny, that I felt the urge to masturbate. Though I had to work very silently I managed to get an extraordinaire ejaculation, knowing: this guy was treating his cock at the same time as well.

Young man

Five month later we were captured in Italy and transported to the USA (1943 too). Here and three years later in Great Britain, we were treated very honest and lived under circumstances, that could be compared with the USArmy. In our barraks we were 50 men and it was difficult to jerk off. Masturbation belonged to those practices that ware taboo (60 years ago by now) and nobody dared to be discovered doing it. So how should I satisfy myself? In the dark my dick punished me and desired his pleasure. And happily I found a way for intense satisfaction. Any 'Naked Jokes' of course were impossible. Even beating with the full-hand-grip would make to much noise and could be discovered. So I lay on my right side with slightly pulled-up knees, wraped my hard-one into a soft handkerchief, used the upside-down-grip and bruised gently. With the tip of my little finger I touched the most sensible point beyond the glans and by that happend to make me ejaculate. With pounding heart I send out a load of sperm into that handkerchief. So I always reached a profound relief. With a slight cought I camouflaged my heavy breath, cleaned me up and listend in the dark. Besides me were certainly other boys, doing like me. But I never heard any noise, that had come from wanking. And I felt a bit disappointed about.

Now, we fellows were alltimes somewhat like horny. Without any sexual release and no women around we made a joke of it, to try a sudden grip to the genitals of the next-standing man. He then (of course ?) tourned arount to avoid the grip, for it might hurt to be caught.

Before sleep some of us used to sit at our friends bed for a whispered talk in the dark. So I lay in bed, Fred sitting on my bededge. Some days before he several times had already gripped to my dick and I always had turned away. I knew, he would do that again and decided, next time to let him grip. It took a lot of concentration to keep steady. I was utmost aroused and when he finally gripped at me, I held still. With my bone-hard dick in his hand he wondered: 'You rascal doâ??nt turn away!!' 'Why should I ?' I responded and without demand he started to beat me. I enjoyed that very much and started for his trousers, to open them and fingered for his penis. Soon I held his warm and properly sized prick in my hand and started rubbing. Fred breathed deaply and continued striking my dick. But then he pushed away my hand. 'It might be observed!' And I begged 'But you go on with me!' and after a short while I felt my orgasm start and explode, shooting a huge amount of sperm into my underwear. I was prepared to stand Freds grip but not prepared for this unexpected satisfaction.

Next evening we met again. Fred did not hesitate to grab my boner through the blanket. But I wanted more and led his hand under the quilt to touch my naked hard-one. There he started a wonderful pumping from head to root and back. Meanwhile I fingered for his penis to work on him. Unfortunately he refused. 'Not here and now!' But under my blanket I felt safe and let him do his best till cumming. I this time was prepared with a handkerchief.

As I wanted to jack-off Fred too we managed to meet in an empty hut next evening. There in the dark we took off our pants and started mutual masturbation. Fred told me he never before had an orgasm and he hadâ??nt been horny enough to shoot out. In that moment I remembered that young man in the pharmacy and urged Fred to take my dick in his mouth. Apparently he was so surprised, that he couldâ??nt refuse. Though he never before had done a blowjob he sucked me very fine and gave me intensive satisfaction.When I felt sperm coming up I trapped his head between my knees and sent the whole load into his mouth. He couldâ??nt do other than swallow at least twice. Then he dressed himself and run away.

Next evening he agreed to come to that barack again. 'But no sucking!' he insisted. 'OK!' and we both had a wonderful mutual jacking-off. But he was awkward enough in the darknes to spurt his cum all over his shirt (it was his first ejaculation!!) and it took some time to clean him up so later nobody would see what happened to him. We never again met for sexual treetment but remained good friends.

It was a very hot and dry summer (in Texas) and nobody would sleep in the overheated hut. Therefore we took our beds, put them outside and slept under the stars. Friends put their beds together. Mine stood near Paulâ??s. We were kidding and I announced: 'Tonight you will not notice me fastening a ribbon on your penis!' 'You never will do that!' he replied. Well. I prepared a ribbon and when all seemed to sleep I gently slit over my hand to Paul and fingered for his penis. Soon I found it erect and tried to fix the ribbon. 'Stop it! Iâ??m awake!' Paul said and at once I started to pump his well developed dick. Paul let me do for a while but then stopped me. 'I doâ??nt want to ejaculate!' 'And whatâ??s about me?' I asked. Instandly he grabbed my dick and started jerking it. His tight grip did good to me, my feelings aroused and I was very horny. After a short time I felt sperm coming. 'Go on! Go on!!' I demanded and with fast strokes he made me an intensive orgasm. Exhausted I fell back and hoped, tomorrow he let me jack him to. But he declared not to be interested and we parted our beds next morning.

I was looking for an other guy whom I offered my ribbon. Karl was the one who replaid: 'Do not dare!' Nevertheless he pushed his bed besides mine That in mine opinion ment: I agree. In the evening I prepared the ribbon and waited a long time till Karl (and all others around) were asleep. Then I slipped my hand under his blanket, touched his leg, fingered upward till I felt his hairy sack and found his weak penis showing up to his navel. Very carefull I happend to fasten the ribbon onto the shaft, withdrew my hand and started to masturbate myself.

Next morning Karl was angry about his decoration( at least he demanded so) and said: 'You never will do that again to me!' But as he didâ??nt push his bed away from mine I was sure he really didâ??nt mean it. And so it was. In the dark, when I thought Karl asleep I cautiously tried to fasten the ribbon again. As I touched his penis it was rock-hard. Apparently Karl had awaited my grip. As I was aware of that I did not hesitate and started an intensiv masturbation. He seemed appreciated and let me do. After a while however he let me stop and said: 'I do not want to cum now. I do it later by myself and spout the sperm in the sand!' Should I become disappointed again? Therefore I didâ??nt care about his words and continued fast pumping. Soon I watched his heavy breath. He threw up his hips and then spouted his sperm up onto his chest. Simultanously he did me the same favor. With a tight grip he pumped my shaft, slid with his thumb over my glans and sent me to heaven within a minute. And than I had an undescrible huge orgasm that spread over his hand up to my gorge.

From now on we helped each other to jack-off every night. At bedtime we both got horny and waited until it would be silent around us. The moon shed a dim light so we could realize what was going around us. And we lifted our knees so we had a look beneeth our blankets. We watched our dicks grow hard and let them pulse with little convulsions of our buttock-muscles. As soon as it was quite all around we streched our arms grapped each others cock asnd started striking. Karl masturbated me with experience. I enjoyed his warm hand and tight grip around my hard-one. I felt the skin of my boner slide over my shaft and had enorm pleasure, when he melked me out. I had many extraordinaire ejaculations by him. I however let him shiver and worked his well-proportioned hard-one. The necessity to be carefull and not to be discovered gave us a special kick.

Then weather got bad and we had to carry our beds back into the huts. That stopped our pleasurable actions. And I never again got an occasion for mutual masturbation with anyone. So in the following years (in Great Brtain too) I had to satisfy all by myself and did it with the approved upside-down-grip on my handkerchief-wrapped cock. Nevertheless I had many nice occupations and often I made me wild by phantasies about the swinging fist of Karl.


Finally I was repatriated and went back home (1947). There I met a nice woman that tought me the art of intercourse and I thought now masturbation was over. But soon I discovered jacking will not be stopped. When I thougt what would happen as soon I meet my girl I had to jack-off. And when I came back after intercourse I thought all over and had to masturbate again. So my dick was engaged all times. Several month later we married and from than until the last years we both were very activ in all kinds of sexuality. Though she was not interested in own masturbation she liked to watch me jacking-off. Moreless she helped me, often gave me a full-hand-job or a blowjob and stared at me whenever I demonstrated my 'Naked Joke'. Than she layed her head at my belly and had my right-left-turning glans directly before her eyes. And when I ejaculated, my sperm splashed right on her face. Oh yes! She helped me to enjoy sex in every way. We had intercourse often twice a day and besides that I masturbated. In all these years I kept a soft tissue under my pillow, ready to catch my sperm. That was a very exiting time, for in these private masturbation-sessions my phantasie could wander anywhere, I could fuck any woman Iâ??d seen on street, could have J/O-sessions and so on. That time I made pictures of all stades while jerking-off. In following sessions to look at them helped me to get hornier. Later I burned the pictures, for I was afraid to be caught. By now I am missing these foros.


When I became older (55+) I still enjoyed the 'Naked Joke'. But I seldom practiced it in the presence of my wife. Being an elderly man it seemed a bit awkward to me to lay naked on the back struggeling legs like a baby. And it took me to much time and efford to come to an end, for legs were heavier by now and not as fast as in childhood. Thererfore I used to play my 'Joke' in the bathtube. Here I was naked anyway and private.

But that is over now. Nine years ago I had a radical prostatatectomy because of cancer. From than on without a prostata I neither had an errection nor any sperm to ejaculate. It hit me hard. For my libido is still intact. Luckily I have overcome my desease (I hope!!). To please my horny times I started to write down my earlier phantasies and make short pornostories (or write this SOLOsite) and search the net. But how should I masturbate without erection?

Well, I found a way. Being a skilled masturbator I found a sensible spot at the root of my penis, shortly above the scrotum. If I press two fingers against the urinea and move similar to fingering a clitoris. (Sounds funny to a man!) Thereby I manage to satisfy. Sometimes I have to press very hard and move very quickly. Witht the right phantasy I manage to get an (of course dry) orgasm. Once in a while (provided privacy) I try the 'Naked Joke' for old times sake. Then I let wander my mind through my earlier phantasies, adventures and exitements. Here it prooves: the best sexual-organ is the brain. But I do not reach real satisfaction, for the friction of my shanks is not tough enough for a limp penis. So at a certain point my fingers will take over and bring all to a pleasurable end. In other horny moments my wife is helping me to overcome my impotence and difficult jacking with her busy fingers at my balls while I do my job. My orgasms are not as exiting as in earlyer times but better than none. So I have my contentment and look back and forth with patience. And my wife used to a daily intercourse in earlier times, never complaines about my impotence. She lets me please her with skilled grips if she is in the mood.

After all: in review I have had a very good sexual life. And after all I come to the conclusion: Masturbation is a wonderful sexual practice. If anyone (either male or female) discovers, how to do, nobody should try to prevent or forbid. Life is better, the sooner you feel satisfied. And at last: With little exceptions masturbation is no supplement at all for missing partners or lack of intercourse. Itâ??s a form of sexual life of itâ??s own. So do enjoy it without guilt and fear and practice it as often you like to. Even if there are physical obstacles, do not be desperate. You will find a way out. So I did. And though I doâ??nt intend to get into 'Guinnesbook of Records', let me amount:

Masturbating and intercourses from 4 to 78 makes 74 years *365 days. That is an average of about 27.000 orgasms. Itâ??s even more, then often I did it twice or more each day.

Each ejaculation from 13 to 69 with an average of one teaspoon full (i.e. 2 millilitres, medical books report of two to eight millilitres) makes 56 years * 365 days * 2 millilitres. Or at least 41 litres of sperm. 'Wwow!' Count yours!

Wasâ??nt I busy ?

I think I was !

And I hope to remain sane and to be able to continue (and to enjoy your SOLOsite).



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