My name is Martha. I am 41 and have two children. My son is 15 and my daughter is 13. Although I occasionally read stories on this site I have been hesitant to add mine. It just seemed like something I might not want to share. But the recent posts from Kelley and Pam have given me some encouragement. It's really a comfort to know I am not alone.
I have been divorced for sometime now and after that divorce I have had an opportunity to explore some long dormant feelings towards women but for the most part these days I'm not really involved with anyone. Just seems to be so little time. I do watch my weight and fitness and happily have been able to maintain both, at least to a degree. I'm no super model but still proud of my figure.
Over the last year or so I have noticed both of my kids as they have matured. My son, Jim, has begun to show more muscles, his voice has dropped, and he has a wee bit of facial hair. I have not seen his private regions directly but I assume that it is all on par with the rest of his body.
About a year ago I caught myself lingering as I gazed at him. I found myself getting aroused much to my surprise, and chagrin I might add. Last spring we were both home and I was doing chores. I had to use a step ladder to reach to the top of a bookshelf to dust. I was wearing jeans and a loose sweat shirt. As I stood on the ladder and stretched up I could feel the waist line of my jeans begin to sag onto my hips and my sweatshirt lift up. Next thing I know Jim is at the ladder and he is offering to hold it to keep me from falling over. This was just a 4-step ladder so chances of falling were pretty slim. Still, I did not mind the help. Then I realized that he was standing in a way that he could my exposed midriff and I wondered if he was looking at the tops of my panties or up my shirt. The thought that he was, really turned me on. It was an instant feeling.
I decided to see if I could enhance the experience by stretching more and even lifting one leg as I stretched to the side. He responded by letting go of the ladder and putting his hands on my legs. Just on my calves but still it sent a thrill through me. I was embarrassed by my feelings and wondered if I was just reading too much into it.
When I got down I thanked him and he said he just wanted to make sure I did not get hurt. As he said this he rubbed my back, which is a show of affection that is very unusual for him. I said thanks and gave him a look that probably bordered on flirtatious. I opened my arms to give him a hug and thank him again. He leaned into the hug with his upper body but kept his waist away from me. I made sure he go to feel my boobs press into his chest.
When we broke the hug he said he had to go to his room and that's when I noticed the bulge in his sweat pants and I knew why he did not want to get too close to me. It's probably a good thing too. In my state at that moment I'm not sure what I would have done if I felt his hard penis against me. I assumed he was going to his room to masturbate which made it ever more exciting for me. I went to my room to do the same thing and in my fantasy I imagined a complete sexual encounter with him.
Since then I have not pursued any kind of physical contact with him but have definately taken opportunities to show off for his visual pleasure. And I can tell that it has been a pleasure to him. This was especially easy during the warm summer months. I'll have to see what I can do in the winter.
With my daughter, Tina, it's been a different sort of experience. We have always been closer emotionally and physically, like with hugging. Although that closeness has not been sexual to me I have noticed her developing body and caught myself wondering about her too. I found myself getting very excited just seeing her in her shorts or little bikini. I especially like the occasion when we are sitting in such a way that I catch a glimpse of her panties under her shorts. I know that may sound peculiar but it's just the way it is for me.
Just this past weekend she had a friend over and we were all in the family room. They were on the floor and I was pretending to watch TV but spending more time watching them. They got to tussling over something and wrestled around a little bit. It wasn't hard wrestling but both of them had shorts on that gave me a very exposed view when their legs were spread. I wanted to join them! At one point when Tina was turned away from me and her friend was on her back with her legs in my direction I must have been staring too hard. She looked up and caught my eye. I just smiled coyly and hoped she did not know what I had been looking at. She smiled back at me and then turned away and then lifted her legs in a way that exposed the view of her panties even more. I'd like to think she did that on purpose but I'll never know. I masturbated that evening thinking about the two of them and wishing I could have spent some time with both of them under the covers with me that night. I had a hard time sleeping with those thoughts in my head believe me.
I don't expect or want any of this to lead to sexual contact with either of my kids but in the meantime I am relishing the fantasies. Maybe someday I'll get to watch them and wonder if they are fantasizing about me.