This writing is about my son growing up. He came to me very recently with many sexual questions. There isn't much sex to tell about here nor did we masturbate together (and never will). I just wanted other fathers to know how I handled the subject of explaining masturbation to my son.
I think it is important that fathers share information like the following. I hope the readers here would approve of my perspective on masturbation as it was presented by me to my only son just last week. I appreciate your web site as it has given me the means to have a significant and serious discussion with him about an important part of a man's sexuality. I only wish my father had been more approachable about matters and questions I had about sex.
My 12-year-old son approached me last week for detailed information on sex. We have had small chats in the past but this was much different because he asked many technical questions; more so than ever before.
It seems that a few boys in the neighborhood are bragging about getting sexual with girls. My son came to me to see if the information he was receiving from other boys matched my knowledge and experience. I was extremely pleased he came to me for 'the talk.' In short, my beliefs are he shouldn't be having sex with a girl until he is ready for the responsibility of supporting her and a child. He was made aware that condoms are not 100% reliable. He seemed relieved that it is OK not to have sex until he is ready (and he is NOT ready according to him). He also knows that girls need to respect his body as much as he is to respect theirs. He did have one worry. If he wasn't supposed to have sex with a girl right away, how would he handle the inevitable sexual tension that we, as men, all feel?
He confided that he has had a few wet dreams but they leave him frustrated. I decided to tell him about masturbation. His eyes were wide open as I told him about this. He only knew that the other boys had mentioned 'jacking off' but he really didn't know what it meant or how to do it. He does now. I told him it relieves the sexual tension we all feel when we don't ejaculate regularly. I told him it was normal, not 'gay,' and that it should be done in the privacy of his room. He was told his mother and I will provide him with the privacy to do it and in a guilt-free atmosphere. A closed door means he needs to be alone. We will knock and only enter when told it is OK to do so by him. I also bought him his first bottle of lube. He is circumcised so he will need lube. I then explained the mechanics of self pleasuring. I had him put a few drops of lube on his finger tips and explained the technique of masturbating in general terms of how it is done. I told him I will leave it up to him as to when he wants to try it. There is no pressure to do it from me and never will be.
A week goes by and he approaches me with a smile and the news that he is now 'a man.' With pride he informed me that he has experienced his first orgasm by masturbation. He described the intense feeling that all men start to experience at puberty. He laughed as he described it because I had told him earlier in my 'talk' that my first orgasm by masturbation had felt as if I had broken something. He thanked me for the knowledge he now has. I told him he doesn't need to advertise the fact any more that he is masturbating, either to me or his friends.
I want my son to have a healthy sexual attitude and that includes masturbation. I am so proud of him and his openness to me. It won't be that way as he gets older, I'm sure, so it is with some sadness that my little boy is now moving on into puberty. At any rate, I cherish these father/son moments and will remember this occasion forever. I think I have handled this sensibly. Comments?