My Own Story
[This intensely personal letter was posted on America Online, March 25, 1995, in the masturbation chat room.]
Well, I've been lurking around this news group for quite a while now, and I've finally decided to post. Why is this group so male dominated?
What's with all of you women out there? I've read a little bit from a handful of you, but, come on, there's more than just a few of us who really get into the actual act of what this group is all about!
I can't remember the first time I brought myself off. I know I was pretty little, and actually I can't remember evernotdoing it. I do, though, remember that I got really passionate about masturbation when I was in the seventh grade. I used to get home from school, both my parents worked and my little sister was away at a baby sitter, my older sister was away at school, so I had the house to myself, take all of my clothes off, and then parade around the house naked for the two hours I had before anyone else got home. The sexual tension would build during that whole time, until I would finally lie back on the couch and finger myself until I came. I remember every day looking forward to that time after school. I would wake up in the morning looking forward to it.
By the time I was sixteen or seventeen I had my own room, so I had no problem getting naked and getting myself off after school every day. I have always been an every dayer. I seldom miss, and if I do I know I've more than made up for any days I went without. By the time I hit eighteen or so, I was having multiple orgasms - well two or three anyway - during most sessions.
I lost my virginity in college, and went to bed with several other guys while I was going there. But nothing came close to what I could have alone. There was a discussion on here recently about whether it was better alone or with someone else. Well, I'm 31 now, I've had my share of lovers, I have one now, but nothing compares to the orgasms I give myself, by myself.
I love the closeness, the cuddling, the talking, and everything else that goes with sex with my boy friend, but I couldn't live without my alone time fun.
I always get totally naked. For me it's the best. I love looking at my naked body, from my head to my bare feet. I love feeling the rug, or the tile, or the grass, or dirt, or whatever under my bare feet. I love the feeling of being naked. I enjoy my own body. I love looking at it directly and I love watching myself in the mirror.
I see my boyfriend about three nights a week, so the rest of the time, if I'm home, I am naked. Of course, I'm almost always naked when he's around, too. Only then it's for sex with him. Alone, it's for sex later with me. I clean naked, I cook naked, I study naked, I watch TV naked. I do everything naked. Finally, I get off. After one or more hours of being naked - for the sole purpose of masturbating later - I am so ready I am almost dripping, though not quite.
I have a vibrator, and the orgasms with it are great, but I still prefer my own fingers. They are always with me, and I have learned to use them very well.
I've done it in a lot of different places, though maybe not as many as some I've read here. I have done it driving the car, lots of times, but I've never gotten naked while driving. Maybe I'll have to try that one. I've done it in the water many times while others were all around me. I've done it in the bathroom at work. One place I worked had a private bathroom, and I used to go in there, strip naked, get off, get dressed, and then return to my cubie like nothing happened. I was at that job for only about nine months, but I hit that bathroom probably three times a week. One of my favorites is in the dressing rooms at one of the stores I go to. I take in something to try on, strip totally naked, and then get off in the mirror with people walking all around me. As a teenager I did it in every room in the house. I even stripped in the garage and did it a couple of times. Once I stripped out behind the garage and got myself off, but the mosquitoes ate me alive! I've never done it in a lecture hall or anywhere else at school - though I loved that description. My old standby, though, is naked, in my bed, propped up against my headboard. I take my time, hanging on the edge for maybe an hour, and then I push myself over. I love tasting myself while I'm doing this, so I'm constantly bringing my fingers to my mouth. After that, I can usually bring myself to two more orgasms relatively quickly, then I'm off to sleep.
I seldom do it in the shower in the morning. It's really hard for me to come in the morning, and even when I do, it's so much work, and the orgasms are so weak, it's hardly worth the effort.
During my life, I've had a few, like less than five or six, marathon days. These were days when I could not get enough. My most recent was about three years ago. On that day, I got off twice in the shower, and then once more in the bed before I got dressed. I can't count how many times at work I trekked to the bathroom during the day and got off there. I did it in the car on the way home. When I got home, I stripped naked before I left the hallway, masturbated standing right there, and then carried my clothes to the bedroom. I got off so many times that evening before going to sleep I lost count. Like I said, days like that haven't happened often.
I have videoed myself masturbating, but I always get scared and erase the tape right away. I've never played the whole scene back. I do love watching myself in my closet mirrors. I love watching my body react to what I'm doing to it. If someone from outside were watching, my toes would give away exactly what was happening and how close I was. But storing these scenes on tape scares me. I'm always afraid I'll die and someone will find them.
I've never made it with another girl, though that is probably my most regular and intense fantasy. I masturbate to that thought a lot in fact, almost universally. I had a chance once, and blew it. After college a close friend and I double dated one night and we all ended up in a motel room together on one king sized bed. We didn't swap or anything, but at one point, Sherry and I were both kind of going down on her boyfriend, and our faces and lips touched. We both pulled back, looked at each other, and, to this day I'm sure, we both silently told each other "yes, but not now." Well, it never happened, and now I wish with a passion that I had simply taken her and made love with her right there regardless of who was watching. I regret to this day that I let that chance slip through my fingers. If the opportunity ever presents itself again, I won't blow it. It's something I really want to experience. A lot.
I have masturbated with guys, though not my current one. With one other one, he was as into it as much as me, we used to do ourselves in front of each other all the time. I loved watching him masturbate and then come all over himself - that is such a turn-on, and I loved getting myself off with him watching - though most times I felt a little awkward afterwards.
When I have intercourse, I usually have to reach down and help myself along, otherwise I'd never get there. I've only come two or three times in my life just from screwing. I come from oral sex OK, and I love to finger myself while I'm going down on my boyfriend. About half the time I can time my orgasm just as he comes, and that is so intense. Fingering myself to orgasm right while he's coming. He's so wrapped up in what's happening to him, I don't think he even knows I'm masturbating.
I've done some really gross things, in some really weird places, but I guess we all have skeletons in some closet or another. And I know that I always thought, still do, that probably most girls aren't as bad as me. I know all the books and stuff say it's OK, but I don't know if we ever really shake our old Puritan upbringing. I don't talk much about this with any friends, either.
I know this: I do it a lot; I love it; I am not going to stop - ever.
So please, let's here from some more of you out there - men and women. Tell your stories. That's what this group is all about. So, let's talk about it!