My Life as a Wanker, Part I

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Keeping myself on the edge...


Story: I discovered masturbation a bit later than many, it would seem, around eleven, and immediately became a regular. Twenty-six years hence, I'm still at it, sometimes more often, sometimes less, but always fairly frequently. Nowadays, I probably wank five times a week or so, usually after my wife has gone to bed. Masturbating together is also a regular, and very enjoyable, part of our sex life together.

Early on, masturbation was mostly just a release, a way of getting rid of some of the hormone-induced tension with which all adolescents live. But as I've gotten older, it's become less and less like that. Sure, there are still times when I wank just 'cause my dick is hard, in the morning, say, or if some daydream has me so distracted that I can't concentrate. But that's the exception. Masturbation now is mostly an act of self-love: It's my best and favorite way of experiencing the wondrousness of my body, just as sex with my wife is my best and favorite way of experiencing the wondrousness of our bodies. That's part of what's kept me an avid wanker. More is the very simple fact that masturbation is, and long has been, one of my very favorite forms of sexual play.

Sex with my wife (whom I shall call Sarah) can be incredible, especially emotionally. Sex with Sarah, at its best, is like a soul-dance. A lot of people say that sex with their partner is emotional in ways sex with themselves isn't, but that they have their most intense, consuming orgasms from wanking. And I was gonna say that. But the very best orgasms I've ever had were from masturbation. Still, most of the time, the actual orgasm is, I think, better when I'm fucking Sarah and come after she does, with her warm, wet, tight pussy enveloping my cock. But that's not really the point. If we're talking physical pleasure, leaving emotional matters aside, but count all the pleasure, the orgasm, the build-up, everything, then I'd say masturbation is, for me, usually more pleasurable overall than sex with a partner, even though the orgasms aren't better and usually aren't quite as good.

There are two reasons for that. One I discovered early in my career' is that I get a lot of pleasure just from being aroused. The more aroused I am, the longer I can stay highly aroused, the more pleasure I get. When I have the time and energy, I like to get myself really hot and then just keep myself on that plateau. The longer it goes on, the more it builds, until I find myself right on the edge of cumming. I'm so hot at that point that my cock is ultra-sensitive, just tingly, and I feel occasional quick contractions, like I'm about to cum. I know that with a few quick strokes I'd be spurting. But I hold off, just enjoying that pre-orgasmic intensity for as long as I can. I can keep myself at that stage for hours. When I do finally let myself come, the orgasm is often not all that incredibly intense. But the sum total of the pleasure experienced on the plateau more than makes up for that.

As I'm writing now, I'm on my way up that plateau. To increase my pleasure now, I didn't wank this morning, though I was rock-hard. I've been thinking all day about starting to write this thing and that's had me hard, too. So here I am, in front of the computer, fully dressed, as I often am when I start these 'sessions'. I'm toying with my dick through my pants, squeezing, stroking, and stuff. I can feel the precum. I usually have a lot of precum. It's seeping out of my cock and soaking my boxers. It feels very, very good.

The other reason is that wanking is the freest form of sex I know. I am very adventurous sexually. I'm the kind of man who's prepared to try almost anything once. Most things more than once! The only things I don't care to try are shit stuff and more serious sorts of S&M (though the less serious sorts of S&M are just fine with me). But unfortunately, I've never had terribly adventurous lovers. My college girlfriend and I tried a few kinky things, but I don't remember our ever doing any of them more than once. Sex with my first wife started out pretty good, but it too was never adventurous and, in the end, got plain boring. And, while sex with Sarah is still great, it too isn't exactly kinky.

Lacking a partner with whom to be sexually adventurous, my only outlet used to be fantasy. But, while my first marriage was disintegrating, it occurred to me that I should just try being adventurous with myself. There's a lot I can't do by myself, but there's a lot I can. So, for many years now, my masturbation has frequently included more adventurous elements: golden showers, anal sex, and S&M. I'll talk about some of that stuff later.

First, though, I want to talk about keeping myself on the plateau, since that's part of every way I masturbate. What I want to do is get myself really hot and then to maintain arousal for a long period of time, typically one to three hours. Sometimes, it's as long as six hours, with a real slow build-up to a just pre-orgasmic level of arousal characterized by extreme sensitivity of my cock, throbbing, huge amounts of precum, and even the odd ejaculation-like contraction. It feels at this stage a lot like it does just before I cum. That's why I like to stay right there. Once I do cum, that feels great, sure. But then the pleasure subsides.

When I say that I'm aroused for all this time, by the way, that does not mean I'm rock-hard all that time. Women sometimes seem not to understand that. A dude's cock has a mind of its own, and my hard-on comes and goes, as it pleases. I'm no less turned-on just because the erection has temporarily subsided. Sometimes, I even come when I'm not very hard at all.

Getting to the plateau is no problem, but staying there is something I can't consistently manage on my own, not for very long, anyway. So I might wake up some morning I have to myself and lie in bed fantasizing, while lightly stroking my cock for a while. But that kind of stimulation is hard to maintain at the right intensity. It's too easy, when the sensations start to get really intense, to stroke right past the point of no return. Fantasy helps. But that takes concentration, and I don't always or even often seem to have that kind of patience. I need outside assistance. My computer does nicely.

Nothing makes me hotter than a woman masturbating. I've got some other kinks, too, but there is nothing sexier to me than a woman enjoying her own body. So when I come upstairs to check out porn, that's what I'm seeking: pictures or videos of women masturbating. Stories are good, too, especially the first-person accounts, like those on the Solo website. But what gets me the hottest are videos of women wanking, in all the wonderful ways that women do it. I love anal sex, so I really like to watch a woman fuck her own ass. But the very best is to watch a woman make herself cum.

As I sit at my computer watching these videos I'm usually dressed. That helps to keep me from getting too aroused too quickly. So I'll lightly stroke my cock through my pants, squeeze it, play with it. Most of the time, it's not really hard. Semi-hard, I'd say, and confined, and getting more sensitive. As I get hotter, I feel precum start to seep from my dick. As I said before, my cock just oozes the stuff: much more, my partners have told me, than most men. I like its taste, and I'll usually unzip my fly long enough to grab a finger full and lick it up.

Once I'm really, really turned on, I'll usually cross my legs very tightly, and occasionally squeeze my muscles tight. When my cock is hard, and pointing upward along my stomach, the frenelum is pressed right against my jeans, and it is easy to run a finger or fingernail along it. Sometimes I'll unzip my jeans now, let the head of my cock poke out, where I can look at it, admire it, and give it a little touch, and pick off the occasional drop of precum to taste.

Eventually, all of this activity brings me to the edge of orgasm. I know that I can come any time I want: All it would take would be a few well-placed strokes and a rewind of that last video to the part where she started finger-fucking herself. But I don't do it, not yet. I want to enjoy the intense feelings. My balls feel heavy, full, and warm. My cock, especially the head, is now incredibly sensitive. My jeans, and the air, and my fingers, all of them feel especially yummy as they touch my wonderful dick. Sometimes I'll scrape my cock with my fingernails or pull the skin back hard with my fingers. Precum is flowing from my cock in a nearly continuous stream. I keep reading or watching, staying right on the edge.

Sometimes, I'll go back to my bedroom at some point and start some other play. (I'll talk about that later.) But other times, some image or thought enters my mind, and I just can't stand it any more. Then I'll run to the bathroom, right across the hall, pull out my cock and stroke until I cum in the toilet. Or I'll undo my pants and beat off right in front of the computer, spurting my hot cum right onto my stomach or my shirt or whatever. There have been times, though, when I've miscalculated.

The last time that happened, I'd been right on the edge for about an hour. I was wearing jeans and had them zipped. I was checking out some videos I'd downloaded of women wanking with toys. I'd watched a bunch that were OK, but now had one that was excellent. It featured a stunning woman who was fucking herself furiously with a good-sized jelly vibrator. It was obvious she was enjoying it. Then, all of a sudden, she pulled the vibrator out of her pussy, plunged it deep into her butt and started fucking her ass as hard as she had been fucking her pussy. She started strumming her clit with her other hand and exploded into what was obviously a very intense orgasm. I wasn't even touching my cock, but that did it for me. Just as she started riding her orgasmic wave, my cock went into spasm right in my pants, and I started cumming. I reached down and started rubbing it hard through my pants, moaning, as my balls emptied themselves of a huge load. As I started to come down, I felt the cum dripping down the sides of my legs. I sat there and enjoyed that feeling for a long time.

There haven't been many times like that, but I love the feeling of being overtaken by my orgasm. So sometimes, even when it doesn't happen that way, I'll finish by rubbing my cock through my pants and letting myself come inside my jeans as I sit here. Then, of course, it's off to shower and change, as I'm quite a mess. But it can be a real pleasure to feel so desparate to come that I just shoot in my pants.

ps- I'd be happy to hear from others once (if) the bbs becomes available!



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