I was raised in a very conservative religious family where anything about sex was completely avoided. From as long as I can remember, probably at 6 or 7, I found rubbing myself, 'down there', humping a pillow or chair handles gave me a really good feeling. However, when my mother would see me doing this I would get a good spanking, and sent to my room. I always had to leave my door open so there was no chance I would have any privacy.
Finally I learned to give myself the good feeling after everyone was in bed and sleeping. I also learned to lay on my stomach with my hand under me. This way my mother could not tell if I was doing anything if she did walk in on me. All I ever heard about sex and/or masturbation was the evils, how bad it was, how you would end up in hell, how it would destroy you, and was the reason for one of my cousins being in a mental hospital.
Despite all of this I continued sneaking around so I could rub myself as much as possible. I never heard the word masturbation, and had no idea what I was doing, but I knew whatever it was I really liked it. One night when I was 13 I was humping my pillow as I did many nights, and began playing with my breasts and nipples. As I did this the feeling got better and better, and I put my hand between my legs where I found I was very wet. I was completely overtaken by the feeling and began rubbing more and more, faster and faster. Soon my body began to stiffen, I had a tingle feeling all over, and suddenly it was like my body exploded with a feeling like nothing else.
Almost as fast as it arrived it was gone, and I was completely spent. It was not long before I began to shake uncontrollably from fear and guilt. I had no idea what I had experienced or what I had done-I was very afraid I had hurt myself somehow, and maybe my mother had been protecting me from some kind of unknown consequence, and now I was going to be in bigger trouble then ever. However, the more I thought about it the less sense it made-how could something so good be so bad. I knew I was going to do it again and probably many more times because I liked the feeling so much and wanted to experience it again even if I was very afraid of what I might be doing to myself.
This started my love affair with masturbation, but I was a very confused teenager. I spent most of my high school years going to the library and reading everything I could get my hands on about sex. During this time I found the word 'masturbation', and finally understood what I was doing; however, it took a long time to get over the fear and guilt associated with my masturbation. I had a couple of sexual experiences with boys during my high school days, but they were disasters and I found masturbating was the thing for me.
During college I expanded my sexual activities considerably. I have been married, had two children, and divorced. All of this time masturbation has been an important part of my life, not to the exclusion of partner sex, but as a supplement to it. Masturbation has always been and will continue to be a very important part of my life.
Today my children are teenagers, and they are well aware of the benefits of masturbation, and I am sure enjoy it on a regular basis. I am so glad I have been able to raise them to understand the benefits and pleasures of masturbation, and they do not have to go through the agony I did.