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Masturbation from a Postive Christian Perspective

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by Freeman This may be a different story from most that you receive, but it is my true story. The first paragraph or so may seem anti-masturbation, but before the end it becomes very masturbation positive. Let me share with you my own story, my personal experience with masturbation. Like all young men, somewhere during puberty I began to experience erections, and not too long after that I discovered that touching myself was very pleasurable. For whatever reason I would resist the urge, but many times I gave in and masturbated. Whenever any of my Christian male friends and I would talk about it we swapped stories and would occasionally asked each other if we were "walking in victory." Then things got "interesting." I discovered sexy pictures. The Sears catalogue with its underwear ads and swimsuits. Then my grandfather's stash of porno. I found a Playboy somewhere. I soon learned that I could produce an erection by looking, touching myself, and using my imagination. The experience was more enjoyable when I did. After I married I continued to secretly use pornography, and masturbate. I would stop for brief periods of time, but always go back at it. I confess that I had a definite problem, one that led me into actual immorality. The immorality ended my marriage. After my marriage ended the cycle continued. "Walking in victory," followed by indulging, always accompanied with the use of porno. Then the Lord delivered me from the habit. I would get an erection and not feel compelled to do anything about is at all. I even began, in my late 30s to have wet dreams again. Eventually I remarried, and for over seven years of marriage did not stimulate and gratify myself ever, not even once. My wife believed in "never saying no," and I partook of her "secret garden," frequently. I thought masturbation would never again be a part of my life. I was in for a pleasant surprise. Too Much Sex Seven years and ten months into my marriage, something shifted, dramatically. Sex with my wife began to feel strained. Things got difficult. It became obvious that she was having a more and more difficult time with the frequency of our encounters. She herself is multi-orgasmic, and in one session per week or every ten days or so can have six or seven climaxes, and be quite satisfied until the next time. I do not take all that long, but I do want sex at least six out of every seven days. She was having such a difficult time that she began to seriously pray about what to do. She wanted to continue to be available, especially since she knew how important it was to me. She desperately wanted to continue to be a good wife, but being my sole provider of sexual pleasure and release was wearing her down. I too began to find things difficult. We would be having a sexual encounter, and something would just plain feel wrong. I came to realize that things were too much for her. But what to do? I prayed and pondered. In fact I was doing so without even intending to do so. Little did I know where God was leading us. One day, while sitting together in our backyard, we had a meaningful, unguarded conversation. She mentioned how difficult things were becoming for her. I acknowledged the fact and told her I too had been pondering the matter. I said, "You know, if I were talking to any other male about this I would advise him, hopefully with his wife’s consent, to begin talking care of his own sexual needs more, privately. I have never believed self gratification is totally wrong. I have just believed that it was wrong for me. It has been a covenant between the Lord and I." Then we talked about what we had regarded as the "ideal" in marriage. Full reciprocal sex whenever the wife wanted it, and frequent "sexual snacks" to keep the husband satisfied in between each "full meal deal." We agreed that this was a wonderful standard to which to keep, but perhaps we were setting our sights too high for who were are today. Without seeing it coming in any way we suddenly arrived at "the question." I said, "Lately I have been thinking it would be better for both of us if I took care of more of my sexual need, privately." Much to my surprise my wife said, "Yes, I agree." To make it absolutely clear I then said, "So you agree that I should masturbate." "Yes, that would be wonderful." We agreed that my doing this, having less sex with her, and surrendering my state of being a non-masturbating person, would be a great act of love for my wife. Wow. What a surprise. That evening I tried. Unsuccessfully. After all, by body had been trained to respond to one thing and one things alone - the presence and person of my wife. For over eight years and two and a half months I had not climaxed, except in her company. The next afternoon I tried again, but as horny was I was not able to get anywhere. So, I told her about it. We agreed that I just might need some help. That evening she spent a few minutes with me, touching, caressing, getting my "motor" running. When I was sufficiently stimulated, she left the house to to go out for the evening. And I had a much better, and easier, time. Actually, it was quite wonderful. The last time I had masturbated was February 13, 1996. The next day I made a Valentine’s day "love agreement" with God to never do so again. The next time I masturbated was May 2, 2004. Eight years and two and a half months. I did so directed of God and out of love for my wife. Today I masturbate regularly. I do so using whatever aids I can use. And I do so with my wife knowledge, permission, and gratefulness. The Blessings of Masturbation This has been a great blessing to both of us. Our time together is much more intentional, less urgent, more by choice than by necessity. A couple of days after I began to masturbate again I wrote in my journal that so much felt changed: • I feel closer to my wife than I have in a long time. • She feels more like a friend than she has been. A friend with whom I will have sex when it is mutually agreeable, and enjoyable. Not by necessity, but by choice. Not with any degree of imposed frequency, but when really wanted by both of us. • I feel that we will be much more able to live independent and autonomous lives, and enjoy what time (social, sexual, and in every other way) we do spend together much more. • I have reclaimed a part of my personhood that had somehow gotten lost. I know that my story will not impress some. The hard line Christians will see it as accommodating sin. Some of them may even say that I should just refrain from so much sex with my wife, and have the self control to abstain from personal gratification as well. The liberals may be tempted ask, what is the big deal. Just go and jerk off, and don’t make it such a big "God thing." To the hardliners I say that this is how God has led me. If He required that I have sexual release less frequently, I would certainly do so, and He would give me the grace for that. But that is not what God asked of me. This is how I believe I have been led by His Holy Spirit. And to those with less concern about such matters I say that nothing is beyond the need to please God. "Whatsoever you do in word or in deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ." And pleasing God in as vital an area of our sexuality is most important.

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