Masturbation Fail

I went to a convention out of town. As a young lawyer, I felt honored that the firm paid my way for the whole thing. The first day started off slowly, so I had some time to myself in my hotel room. I had recently been playing with the concept of "sounding" a bit. That's where you put something into your peehole. Oh, yes, it is exciting - the feelings you get when something is sliding in and out of your urethra instead of the main part of your pussy. But it stings a bit at first, and in retrospect, I'm actually surprised I found it attractive, especially after what happened that afternoon in the hotel room. They provided free pens with the hotel's name on them, and looking at that pen, I suddenly became quite horny. Oh, I know, for most women, it is the sight of a guy, maybe shirtless, or heck, I can say it: with an erection, that gets them horny. And that happens for me too, but I can get horny over just about anything. And it was that pen, that day. You see, it was long, as pens go, had a slight taper, was smooth, and was just a bit wider at the widest point than the Bic pens I had been sounding with. How could I resist? But what to use for lube? It was a strange town, and I didn't feel like figuring out how to find KY at a drug store, and didn't think about olive oil or whatever I might be able to get at a grocery store. Then I noticed a little packet of shampoo in the bathroom. Perfect. That ought to be sufficiently slippery. So I washed my hands, washed the pen, washed my vagina, focusing on the peehole. Just the washing felt very nice, and got me wet, open, and ready. Now for the shampoo. I broke open the little packet, and squeezed some out on the thin back end of the pen. I squeezed some onto my fingertips, and tried to kind of squish some into the little urethral opening. That was kind of difficult, because if you've ever experimented with your peehole, you know the actual opening is kind of elusive. But after a moment, I got some of the shampoo in. It stung a little bit, but no big deal. I then introduced the tip of the pen, and was immediately in heaven. I didn't really feel much in the way of a tactile sensation, but the fact of doing it was turning me on big time. You don't get a tactile sense unless you push it a bit sideways so it presses against the side of the urethra, or push it in more than an inch so it passes through the sphincters at the opening of your bladder. Then, you do get a great feeling. It is sort of like when you have to pee, but much, much better. And, you get a wonderful tactile sensation if you use something just as wide as you can accommodate. In fact, one time I had used a gently tapering, round Sharpee marker that was every bit as wide as I could take. I pushed it in only a couple of inches, because that's as far as it could go without hurting. It probably stretched my urethra out to around 3/8 of an inch. And it was so exciting that I had an orgasm without any other stimulation. It was one of the strongest orgasms of my life, and lasted longer than usual besides. Part of the thrill was that at the time, I didn't know what would happen if I had those orgasmic contractions while something was stretching my urethra. It was rather scary. It turns out nothing happens. Things flex enough to accommodate. So, back to the hotel room. I had the pen in about three inches now, past my sphincters and well into my bladder, and it was all feeling so nice. But that darn stinging sensation was getting stronger. Was it a reaction to the shampoo? Oh well. I pressed on, still having a good time even with the stinging. But it was getting worse. Finally, despite that negative sensation, I had my orgasm, and it surprised the hell out of me, and scared me, too. Because that really, really stung! I pulled the pen out right away, but the stinging kept right on going. At the official welcoming dinner that night, I couldn't walk upright. My pussy hurt too much. I was slumped slightly forward, and had to walk slowly. Just the movement of my clothing against my vagina stung like holy hell. I was really scared now. Had I done some real damage? If I had to go to the hospital, how on earth would I explain the problem? After the dinner, which ran way too long in my opinion, I slumped slowly back to my hotel room, and immediately pulled down my panties to see the current situation. It was not good. My clitoris was sort of swollen erect and sticking out a good 1/4-inch. I grabbed my compact so I could look, and discovered my peehole was reddish and protruding a bit, too, and my inner labia were also quite swollen. It took me a good fifteen minutes to pee. First, I was scared to let anything out, because I knew it would hurt even worse. And when I finally released a little test squirt of pee, I was absolutely right. It hurt worse than anything I could remember. What a sting! I ended up peeing in a series of short, interrupted squirts, with several seconds to recover between each, and each seemingly more painful than the last. Needless to say, it took me a long time to get to sleep that night, what with all the fear rolling around in my brain. I woke early the next morning with a great deal of relief, because my vagina wasn't hurting. I did have to pee again, and this concerned me. Pulling down my panties, I noticed that my vagina looked more like a puffer fish. And once again, a reluctant test squirt of pee stung more than a hundred bees. And so, like the previous night, I let the pee out in a long series of painful, interrupted squirts. But, after peeing, the sting subsided somewhat. I had two more days of conference to attend, and was slumped over most of the time. I told people I had hurt my back, wondering the whole time whether they believed me, or know more than they should about my actual pain. By the end of the conference, the swelling was down, and although it still stung to urinate, I could do it in a more-or-less normal flow, not the painful little squirts. Back in San Diego, the pain finally subsided. Lesson learned: Don't put shampoo in your peehole!