I have a persistent fantasy of masturbation celibacy. By persistent I mean that I've indulged this one for perhaps 10 years and do so despite whatever may be going on for me sexually. There are different variants on the idea but the core element is that I choose to pause or cease sex with the women, who are sexually satisfied via partners. It's known among my female friends that I'm masturbation celibate, and they can also discuss this with their partners. Basically I am an out of the closet exclusive masturbator.
Just the thought of this is enough to send me into orgasm. As an evolution on this I often imagine myself mirror masturbating while a couple that I know and care about fucks. Sometimes they pay attention to me, but most of the time they're so absorbed in one another that they ignore me and leave me to face myself.
Mirrors are an important part of my masturbation. I love to ejaculate onto them and lick my semen off, whether it's fresh or old and crusty. I show this to the people I love, and the women who would be my lovers embrace me in my self-acceptance. To share this level of mutual esteem is a profound gift.
I am sexually liberated because I am not dependent on any one woman, nor they on me. I am in a position to constantly embrace and dance with my jealousy, and to let it melt into the erotic pleasure that burns hot within it.
Some of my female friends share my masturbation journey. We share masturbation together. One poignant end to the fantasy scenario is that eventually I cease to make love to myself in the presence of anyone else and fully own my masturbation. I become the sole approver of myself. Everything I ejaculate goes back into my body; I lick it all.
This is only a fantasy, yet so real that it's a universe of its own. Often I am on the brink of slipping in and letting go, and that feels so good to know that I can.
To have faith that I am loved, as I do.