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Learning to Love Myself Again

Posted by: Fazerina Age: 29 Posted on: 15 Aug 2014 14 comments
18 likes 5098 views Category: Masturbation Female Techniques Tags: me, orgasm, masturbation

My introduction to the site. Not very erotic, more honest. My way of saying hi.

Hello. I'm a 29 years old female who was in a very bad, abusive relationship. I'm happy I survived. Love is a funny thing when it can make you stay with someone who is hurting you physically and mentally. I wish I had gotten out sooner. Unfortunately it took me two stays in hospital to understand that he will probably kill me unless I do something. It was a bit more than two years now since I got out of the relationship. Back then I didn't like myself at all, and I didn't like or enjoy my body anymore. He had used me so much that it felt my body wasn't really even mine anymore. It's hard to explain. After some time I did start to masturbate again. The first time I felt sick to my stomach when I tried touching myself. That feeling passed afterward, and I did start to enjoy the touching again. It took me almost a year to have an orgasm again. I would be masturbating and feeling good, but that last bit, I couldn't do that for some reason. I couldn't have an orgasm and I was sad about that, and scared that maybe I will never orgasm again! But I remember the time I learned to orgasm again. I was on my bed, in front of a window and the sunlight was on my body, and it was warm and nice. I had a small egg shaped vibrator pushed on my clit and I felt like I wanted to feel penetrated, filled up - so I got up and searched for one of my dildos, I had put them away because I didn't feel like using them. I warmed myself up with fingers and had a hard time getting the dildo inserted, it had been a long time. Getting it inside felt nice, and I played with it a bit, pushing it in and out.. and I suddenly remember thinking - I remember this.. This is what sex used to be like, it used to be incredible. I felt all those wonderful feelings again, I stopped, and rubbed my breasts, ran my hands over my stomach, and over my ass and thighs, and enjoyed what it felt like. I had a mirror next to the bed and I turned my head and looked myself in the eyes, and looked at my body in the mirror while I played, and suddenly I felt like my body let go and I had an orgasm right then. I started to cry because it felt so good, and because I was so happy, and because for the first time in a few years, I felt I liked myself again. I knew I was going to be OK, and I was really happy to feel all these feelings.