Masturbation with a Big Band Soundtrack.
When I was a boy, I would go up every summer to visit my grandfather, an amateur trumpeter, who lived in Washington D.C. The year was 2004 and my father was planning to cover some jazz tunes as a 'gift' to all the attendees. You see there were no hot girls around and I wanted to remain faithful to Joanna while on vacation so every afternoon I would masturbate. That afternoon, as he was practicing on his instrument, I was soloing on mine. He was listening to a vinyl of 'Cotton Tail' and covering the trumpet portions.
I could hear the music from where I was- in the guest room down the hall. I was beating to the beat, for lack of better words. As the Duke Ellington classic reached its wonderful climax, so did I. The flourish of notes on the recording matched my orgasm perfectly. After cleaning up and getting dressed, I went to his room. 'That was an excellent work. You honestly should solo during the party.', I told him.
All it took was one glance at my flushed face before he responded 'And I can see you've done some 'solo work' of your own.'
The two of us couldn't stop laughing about that one. There really was no need to deny what I'd been doing and besides, he wouldn't tell anyone else. Grandpa may have passed away this year but he left me with some valuable advice. Whether you're perfroming in front of an audience of 10, 100, 1,000 or just one (nudge, nudge) you'll need to practice in order to impress.