I've only been away for a week. It finally hit me.
My boyfriend is such a compliant lover, whenever the subject came up about adding something new into the bedroom there were very few things that were ever off limit. This was always great news for me as someone with quite a few kinks, but I always had to take things slow when it went to his body. He is uncut and very sensitive, but he has no other zones outside of his genitalia. So my play with him was always very vanilla and almost entirely limited to using my mouth and hands only there before sex. Sometimes it felt like a chore because there was no variety to his body. But now that I can't taste him and run my tongue all over I miss it. I miss a lot of things.
I miss that moment of hesitation before you kissed me and your stubble chapping my lips. The way you teased me about the look I gave you when I wanted more. Your hands as they pulled me closer. The comforting touch of your hand on the back of my neck, before you pulled my hair. When your teeth first made contact with my neck.. shoulders.. thighs. Feeling rough hands over sensitive skin and then over panties before you pulled them off..
I miss that build up to you pulling me into position and penetrating me. I miss when you would press your shoulder or neck against my mouth to silence me because I was being too loud. Pushing your hair away from your face to look at you or to kiss you. I always love looking at your face. You don't make much noise but your face tells me everything I wanted to know. You work so hard to please me. You never hesitate when I pull you close and tell you to bite me. You don't stop until I make that noise and press up to you. I wish sometimes you would reply by pressing more of your weight onto me. I would make that noise again. But my favorite part is after everything.
When we're covered in sweat and all you want to do is to lay there and have some cold water. When you wobble as you put your underwear back on because you're soaked and getting cold. When you toss me mine for the same reason. After everything you look so tired and relaxed. It just makes me want to hold you tight. But it is still too warm for that so I drape my leg over yours and smile over at you.
I miss all of that and am alone tonight so I cannot join you. I have to do this on my own for now. I have to feel myself with the memory of your hands doing the same things to me. Soft hands over mt skin doesn't seem natural. Not kissing you while feeling this way. My fingers are so much smaller than yours and are nothing compared to that full feeling. I cannot bite my neck to tip myself over. I settle for a shoulder. It is a sad feeling to arch my body up to you and find nothing but air. I couldn't make that noise.