Response to Chantel's Story-'Is It Only Me?'
I have been reading contributions on this site for about a month now. I have always enjoyed masturbation and for the past six months or so, have been writing about it, in privacy on my computer. Now I have found a site where I can actually read the writing of others and even post some of my thoughts and experiences on the subject. Thank you.
This is my first contribution, prompted by an entry I read earlier by Chantel, the young woman (girl?) who enjoys masturbation but has yet to experience an orgasm. I think her mother is wonderful to have attempted to educate her on this rather taboo subject by giving her some links to investigate such as this one. If only my own mother had been as open-minded! But that is another subject for a future entry. The rest of this entry is for the benefit(?) of Chantel and I hope this helps...
The analogy of a sneeze that never happens is an excellent one, and I would say that, as you suspect, you have not achieved orgasm. I am always intrigued at the occasional entry that states, 'I don't know if I've had an orgasm.' Believe me, if you don't know if you've had one, you haven't and if you have had an orgasm, you KNOW you have. So when you have one you will know, you will not have to wonder about it.
Please do not feel concerned because you get excited at the sight of naked women. I am straight, but ever since I was younger, I noticed that I would get excited at seeing a woman naked. I remember one time in particular, I went shopping with my Mom and we went into the dressing rooms so she could try something on. I was too young to be left wandering the store while my Mom was trying on clothes, so I had to go in too. The dressing rooms in this particular department store did not have curtains or doors. There was a lovely young woman, probably in her early twenties in the try-on room directly across from us. I saw her remove her clothing and was startled to see that she wore no underwear-no bra, no panties. I got excited and couldn't stop looking, even though I believe I was staring rather discreetly. It made quite an impression on me, obviously, since I am writing about it 40 years later!
Which brings me to a bit of advice. This really worked for me when I was younger. But this helped me to achieve orgasm without humping a pillow or a rolled-up blanket between my legs. And it involves my excitement at seeing exposed female genitalia, albeit my own. I started doing this when I was about sixteen or so. Waiting until there was no one around in the house, I would sit myself in front of a full-length mirror, get undressed and spread my legs to see myself. Seeing my own pussy really turns me on. I become completely fascinated at the sight of my fingers stroking my soft, wet pinkness. I would suggest waiting until you have a significant block of alone-time to yourself. As for myself, I did not want to be found out and any possibility of discovery cut down on my full experience of it. Start exploring your own body in every possible way, trying different things. You will figure out what works for you.
And now another suggestion: FANTASY. It sounds like you are already experimenting a bit with fantasy. How I started to develop fantasies was by reading and watching movies. But mostly reading, since the movies I was allowed to watch in the early seventies had only sexual implications. I learned what actually happens during sex from books. I know that Amazon has a lot of books on erotica and I don't think you need to be a particular age to order, however, I may be mistaken on that point. Another book which really fueled the fire for me is a book on female fantasy entitled 'My Secret Garden' by Nancy Friday. I read it in my thirties, so it's an older book. She has written several others, and many other authors have subsequently written books on female sexual fantasies. If you can get your hands on a book on this subject, it can really get your imagination going, and that is what has worked so long and so hard for me, fantasy!
And now a word about toys. Although I wouldn't recommend any toys that involve penetration (it sounds like you are very young), a vibrator will bring any woman to orgasm. Just get a small one (if it is at all possible) and place it against your clitoris, turn it on and just wait. I don't know how anyone could help but come from that.
And lastly, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, because truly, I feel that anything is 'normal', maybe I should use the word 'natural'. But you watching your mother masturbate is an invasion of her personal privacy. I don't mean to make you feel bad about what you have done, but I would be concerned about her discovering that you have seen her do this, and that could seriously impact your relationship with her, and it sounds like it is a good, healthy relationship. It's okay to fantasize about it (actually okay to fantasize about ANYTHING), but I would try to move past that onto other things that turn you on. I hope I have helped.