Handjob Nerd the inside Truth

Posted by: Author: Age: 24 Posted on: 0 comments
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More about my thoughts during this time and my feelings after.

 

BeeJay, I'm glad that you found my experience interesting so I will be more than pleased to accommodate your request to find out the rest of the story. First I should note that although older boys did approach me, the only contact I actually had was with boys around my age. At the time I was 14 and the boys were 13 to 15 years of age. There were definitely boys that were 17 and 18 years old that approached me including Charlie's older brother as I stated. I didn't see the older boys that often and I didn't feel compelled to do anything with them because they weren't in my peer group or in any of my classes, for the most part they didn't even eat lunch on campus so I didn't see any social advantage in engaging in any activities with these boys. It was however to my advantage to do whatever it took to get people in my grade that I saw everyday to like me and to accept me.



When I started masturbating boys then of course the word got out among groups of teen boys with raging hormones that I would do things to them with very little effort on their part, a few kind words, a party invite, sitting with me at lunch and not long after they would be rewarded. The word also got out among girls and there were some that hated me and called me names however the difference now was that I had a whole bunch of people, mostly boys willing to defend me.



Another thing about being popular with the boys was that certain girls who wouldn't have gotten to know me before did get to know me because I started going to parties and social gatherings that I wouldn't have been present at before and those that liked who I was, enjoyed my personality didn't pay much attention to the rumours.



Of course it all started with Charlie and then his friend Mohammed soon after but there were other boys, I remember one guy that sort of made me feel obligated because he had defended me against a girl who called me a slut. Basically I always had the feeling that if I didn't do what a boy wanted I would lose a supporter and eventually go back to watching TV by myself on the weekends and getting teased at school. In fact during the time that I was 'popular' there was an occasion in which I felt so bad about what I had been doing that I said 'no' when asked by a boy, but the friends of the guy that I said 'no' to were upset at me for 'dissing' their friend. Having them be upset at me felt to much like being a nerd again and at the time I wasn't ready to go back down that road.



In case you are wondering, as far as oral sex the thought of that was so gross that it was easier to say no to and although boys who wanted oral sex from me were disappointed, the emotion would soon fade away at some point during the handjob I would inevitably give them.



When the next year began I remember making a decision that people were going to like me for me and that if they were my real friends it wouldn't matter whether or not I did what they wanted me to do. 10th grade year rolls around and I'm used to being popular at this point, I thought coming back from my family vacation into the school year I would just fall back into this position on my own terms. When Charlie approached me during the beginning of the school year with two new friends that had just started going to the school and wanted me to meet him in the same field I began to realize that coming back into school as a member of the in crowd might not be on my terms but theirs (the in crowd). I remember meeting Charlie and his two friends in that field and trying to make small talk to hold off what I knew we were really there for. I remember that one of them eventually asked how many 'dicks' I had touched. Charlie scolded him for asking that but just as soon as he was done he asked me if I would mind showing his friends what I could do.



At that moment I knew that I had to make a decision and I said 'no', the two new boys obviously disappointed walked off saying something like 'this is wack, this is wack' Charlie on the other hand told me that it was my decision and that he understood. I thought he really did but the next day it was like he didn't even acknowledge me. He didn't flat out ignore me but before he would stop me in the hall to tell me a joke or something or call me over to his lunch table but the next few days none of that happened. He'd only say hello if I said it to him first and his friends followed suit. As days went on other boys would approach me and I'd say 'no' they would say they understood but the next day they would act the same way Charlie had. People didn't seem to have much to say to me at least amongst those who were considered popular, I'd try to start conversations and get one word answers so I started to fall in with my old group of friends, who thankfully seemed to take me back with no apologies. The girls that I had met the last year during my 'reign' were no longer in the same crowd as I was so we grew apart. I did get invited to some parties and went to a couple of them but the invites stopped coming in very soon after I took my new stand. In fact the second party I went to during the early part of my 10th grade year I had never felt so uncomfortable in my life, I mean people were looking at me like 'who invited her' and all the girls who thought I was a slut were still calling me that except this time nobody was willing to step up and defend me. Very soon into the year I started hanging out with people who I felt more comfortable around and that was the nerds.



I'm sure that as much as I tried to be another face in the crowd there were still rumours about me but I wasn't with the crowd where you heard all the gossip so I didn't hear every single bad thing said about me. Another thing was that rather than being a nerd who was outright teased I became a nerd who was mostly ignored. It was amazing because by November I'd say you wouldn't have even guessed that I had ever tasted popularity because all these people that I had talked to and partied with and went to the mall with the previous year didn't even approach me anymore. Among the nerds however some of them considered me popular because they remembered me hanging out with the popular kids the year before so I suppose my status on the charts didn't hit absolute zero but was still scraping bottom and I was becoming comfortable with that so it wasn't a huge concern of mine. I was beginning to resent what popularity had cost me in the first place, my reputation if you really think about it. It's one thing to be a nerd but it's much worse to be somebody that did what I was doing with no expectation of commitment.



Now I'm 24 and I think that this has had an impact on my life. Mostly positive or negative? I won't be able to really know until I get into a meaningful relationship or get married and the topic of intimacy, not necessarily sex comes up. I basically spent the better part of a year at the age of 14 behaving like a prostitute. Doing acts that should really be reserved for marriage or at the very, very least a serious relationship to boys who cared nothing about me just in exchange for their temporary approval. That is what I associate sexual acts with at least those that would occur between me and a male. I actually now get a lot of pleasure from masturbating because I feel like I'm doing this for me and nobody else. In fact during that ninth grade year I masturbated many times but I wasn't thinking about Charlie's penis or any one of the boys I had been with but I can remember feeling angry when I masturbated as if I was taking revenge on somebody, I don't know how to explain it. I have this feeling that masturbation really helped me get out much of my frustration.



I have very conservative personal views when it comes to sexual activity between two people and I'm not sure how much of that has to do with my experience growing up. My parents were of an extremely liberal slant and I don't know had this not have happened would I be more liberal than I am today, I just don't know.



Another thing I want to add is that most could probably see that Charlie was more of a jerk than I wanted to admit but I don't know if it was because he was uncommonly cute or if it was because he opened the door for my moment near the top of the popularity food chain, I always respected him and upon graduation from High School I wrote him a long note in his yearbook thanking him for his friendship although we hadn't really been friends at that point since ninth grade. I wrote this long letter to Charlie pouring my heart out and in my yearbook he wrote 'Have a cool graduation, 01 rules!'.



I hope that I have answered all your questions if I did please leave feedback and if I didn't please leave feedback, Thanks.

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