I had a sexually confused upbringing. My parents were not very open about sexuality and frowned upon any overt sexual behavior. I recall being chastised for pushing against the crotch of my jeans whilst lying on the floor watching a TV show that featured an attractive guy. I was eight at the time.
I had been aware from a very early age that pressure on my 'front ass' felt really good, and I regularly found ways to press myself against objects-like a chair edge or the toilet seat. None of this was orgasmic, but it seemed normal and comfortable.
When I was 12, my folks split up. Within a few months, my mom (who I was with) met and settled with a new partner. I was very wary at first about this new guy in my mom's life; he seemed OK, but I missed my dad.
During this time I had begun to develop and fill out, so by the time I was 13ish I had some noticeable tits and a thickening bush. My liking for clitoral pressure had increased to the extent that I used a rolled-up piece of cloth, stuffed down my jeans, to apply pressure to the right spot as I moved around, sat and road a bike.
My mom was well aware of my womanly development and talked to me several times about what was happening to my body, what I could expect, and-wow!-sexual pleasure. This was the big surprise; it became obvious that my mom was showing her real self-the repressive influence had been my dad.
She told me that my body belonged to me, and that pleasure through stimulation was OK, whether as a solo activity or with a partner. She showed me her own sex toys and gave me some of my own-what a mom!
I have brought this philosophy to my own kids, now 11 and 13, allowing them to experience their own sexuality, without pressure or censure, but with the advice to keep it private, sharing it with someone they trust when they are ready.
I feel sexually free. Both my partner and I masturbate alone and together and appreciate the honesty of our relationship-an acknowledgment of personal sex drive, sexual bonding, and our instinct to procreate.