If you will try, you will overcome the stigma that has unfortunately been part of your upbringing. Adults once taught these things to children so that they would be fearful and less likely to succumb to their desires at an early age and begin copulating themselves into a family situation while they were still children. These beliefs and fears are myths. Now that you are an adult you must get beyond them to the truth of your sexuality.
I read your story of your efforts to masturbate without fear with much sadness. I am so sorry that you have become this traumatized by your beliefs to cause you this much grief.
The most important thing I can tell you is that masturbating is a perfectly natural function and that it is in no way a sin or in any way harmful to your health. If anything it will relieve stress and make you feel good about yourself. But your upbringing has not let you believe these things and until you understand how harmful these beliefs have been to you, you will find doing these natural things difficult.
However once you can break this bond and let yourself go you will be liberated and will enjoy yourself more than ever. Of course satisfying yourself is addicting. That was why our creator wanted us to enjoy this incredible pleasure and eventually the ultimate experience of being brought to orgasm by a male penis. Such activities are so intensely enjoyable that the Lord I am sure figured if he let man unite in this way it was assured that the human race and that of all creatures on earth would multiply.
Amanda, those images of young girls masturbating to such pleasure are in no way sinful but simply the ordinary natural activities of every healthy young woman and man enjoying their own sexuality without the need to procreate. Do it for yourself because it is one of the most healthiest things you can do. If you continue to be fearful please talk to your doctor about these things and try to take his or her words to heart because he speaks truthfully and not biased by religious beliefs.
Meanwhile, choose an appropriate time, to relax yourself, lay back and slowly tantalize the pleasure centers of your body, caress your breasts and between your legs, caressing those areas where it feels the most good. Go slow. Bring yourself up by degrees. Think of someone who excites you sexually. As you grow warm there and your clitoris begins to erect, tickle it the way you like, think of someone doing this for you and how much more exciting it will feel. Keep up whatever really excites you until you burst into a wonderful throbbing climax of pleasure. After that you will want to do it again and again not because you have to but because it is perfectly natural and you love it for the wonderful relaxing pleasure it gives you. And one day your lover will do these things for you and you will know then how love is born for those who will share this incredibly beautiful part of your life. All I can tell you is to enjoy yourself with all your heart and soul, because that is what God wanted us to do right from the beginning.