In a previous posting, I described being alone while my lover fucked another man. This was a deep experience of letting go.
We'd had fantasies of me being there when they made love, but I knew that I would be alone in my hotel when they did it. Fantasies are always different than the accompanying reality, and sometimes the letdown can be hot, too. There is also part of me-a big part-that needed to be alone in that hotel room masturbating while they fucked.
I needed to confront myself and let go of all notions of owning her. The truth is I do want to possess her, but I know that it is my calling to let go and allow her to be exactly who she wants to me.
There is just one thing I watch for in all of this. In a spiritual tradition called the Pathwork, they warn that humans have the tendency to seek pleasure, and if we don't get it, we will eventually seek pleasure from what causes us pain. This can become a habit. In truth, my love of masturbating to the thought of, or while, my lover gets fucked has its origins in that experience-the need to eroticize jealousy.
Well, they were together over about three days and they fucked on two of them, it took them an hour from first getting together. I did not get to do myself until later that night, and I did not realize it consciously but they had done it already twice. He is young and he has a big cock that gets hard fast when he sees her naked. I knew all this from a few detailed sessions where she watched me masturbate, and as I melted, she revaled her secrets and her pleasures.
I asked her to tell him that I had masturbated with my ass fucked into her cupped hands the night before and drank myself, as we fantasized about what they would be doing. She did not tell him. But she knows I wanted him to know.
I masturbated very sweetly that night, and the next, and she said their fucking was hot and satisfying.