One of the delights of my relationship with my beautiful wife-to-be was the honesty that grew between us as we grew to know each other better. We began to be more and more frank with each other, especially about our past and our sexual desires and aspirations.
We were not being sexual with each other, although she had come to an orgasm a couple of times by rubbing her clitoris against me during our embracing. This had only happened twice, and was not typical of our times together.
She shared two things that began to change our times together.
The first was her confession to me that her previous boyfriend had brought her to her first climax, and that they masturbated each other every time they said good night. I was of course intensely jealous and gently pried her for all the details of both the first time it occurred, and also details like the frequency and her level of enjoyment. She was amazingly honest with me, and although hurt and jealous, the details also highly aroused me.
She told me that it had happened innocently on her part. Their times together typically only included some light touching of her breasts over her clothes, and were not more sexual than that. One night she told him that she had been shopping for underwear and the she had new bikini panties on, and he asked if he could feel them. She said that he could, and she had no idea what she was in for as a result.
He was experienced in touching a woman, and as he pushed his hand to her panties, he slid his fingers under them and began to caress her clitoris. She had never even masturbated and she had no idea about even coming to an orgasm. He began to kiss her and she let him continue caressing. Within a few moments, her innocent body crashed into her first orgasm. She almost fainted and felt light-headed as the reality of what happened began to hit her. She had lost some of her innocence -- to a man she thought she would marry, and she felt very close to him. With that, he directed her hand to his firm member, and taught her to reciprocate by caressing him to orgasm.
After she broke up with him, she and her mother talked about it. She said that her mother warned her never to tell me, but she felt that I ought to know. I struggled with the information, and quizzed her a lot about it. I wanted to caress her, but I also wanted to be a gentleman, and to wait until we were married to begin being sexual with her. Her honestly drew her to me, and I loved her for it. But I also struggled to deal with the reality that she had given her first climax to a man she no longer loved, and that they regularly indulged each other. I was angry with this man, not to mention very jealous.
At night I would fantasize about caressing her as she had described. I imagined her in bikini panties, and would masturbate as I dreamed of bringing her to a climax. As a result of my questioning her, and her loving honesty with me, I learned about how a woman reached a climax, even though I never initiated it with her. It as a line that we had not crossed, although we were very passionate in our kissing, and we were both clearly highly aroused and charged as a result. We would say good night, and I was always so aroused by her intoxicating kisses and presence that I would always masturbate to a climax in the aftermath of our passion once I was alone.
The second thing that she told me was very significant. She began to tell me that she usually still would caress herself to orgasm after we had parted for the night. She said that she felt guilty about it, and would say that she was sorry. In fact, she said that she was telling me so that I would forgive her (as if it was wrong â?? she felt so because she was led to believe it). After a few days of this type of confession, she added to her confession that she could not help masturbating as she was too aroused after our goodnight kissing, and that as a result of us becoming so intensely aroused, she could not sleep unless she caressed herself.
I told her that we must be less passionate. She would agree, however each night we would continue to kiss up a storm, with the confession the next day of masturbation and a sense of guilt and blaming the level of passion that had occurred. I had pondered the situation, and finally concluded that I had two choices. Either we ceased to get so passionate each night, or I should not leave her hanging as I did, and satisfy her need, without allowing it to lead to sexual intercourse. We wanted our wedding night to be the first night of intercourse, and I did not want to violate that.
I felt that she could not accept that we cease from our affection and passion together, and indeed it would have been very difficult to stop. It would have hurt her and she would have struggled with such a reversal.
Since we both masturbated a lot, and usually as result of our passion together, I began to feel that it was unfair of me to leave her in a state of arousal, especially if she felt guilty about masturbating, something I did without guilt. I came to the conclusion that if I loved her, I could neither give her a cold, benign goodnight sequence, nor could I leave her in a state of arousal where she would have to masturbate in order to be satisfied.
I told her the next day that I felt that I should not leave her in an unsatisfied state, and if she would agree, I would like to caress her to an orgasm when I kissed her good night. We were that honest with each other, and we fully talked about it before it ever happened. She expressed the unpleasantness of caressing her previous boyfriend (the sperm and his self centeredness, etc. not to mention her sense of guilt) and that she did not want to caress me. I agreed that she did not have to caress me. I was ok with simply masturbating myself.
That evening, after we had kissed and talked for some time, I felt her getting more passionate and could see that there was a sense of excitement and anticipation in her demeanor. My love for her was overwhelming, and with tentative excitement I began to push my hand toward her groin area. She was an excellent teacher, and as we kissed she pulled my hand to her breasts, where her bra easily opened by a clip in the front, making accessible her youthful beautiful breasts. Caressing them was incredible, and so satisfying. I never thought I could be so pleasured by the beauty and excitement of my lover's breasts.
She then began to breathe more intensely, and began to push her tongue into mine. I could tell that she wanted me to move my hand toward her pussy. I moved my hand toward her belly and she relaxed. I thought that perhaps I misread her signal, so I returned my hand to her breasts, upon which she thrust her tongue into my mouth until I again began to move my hand over her belly to the lining of her pants. She moaned with approval, and I shook with nervous anticipation and love.
I undid the button holding her pants up, and slowly pushed the zipper down. Her playful and deep kisses let me know of her approval, and I pushed my fingers under her panties and over the hairs on her mound, eventually finding her moist lips. As I began to caress her, rubbing my inexperienced fingers up and down her clitoris, she would moan when I was hitting the right spot. I learned quickly, and before long she thundered to a climax, after which she deeply kissed me. We held each other for the longest time as my erection throbbed. As it subsided she put her clothes back in order and kissed me good night.
This began an enjoyable and unforgettable ritual as we said our good nights. She is the most sensual and wonderful woman, and I have many tender and passionate memories to this day about her responsiveness to my touch. Her innocence and honesty drew me so close to her, and I still masturbate to the many memories that she gave me in our passionate courtship.
The most significant result of this passion and honesty was a longing to make her my wife, where we would find fulfillment and satisfaction in each other for the rest of our lives. I was to be married to the woman of my dreams. My dreams included the deep longing for a woman who wanted to have sex with me, and would honestly explore this mysterious pleasure with me for the rest of our lives.