Here's a story of how one guy finally approached the subject of masturbation and edging with his wife - and the results.
My wife and I married the day after I finished my bachelor's degree, and only days before starting grad school. She and I were best friends in high school, and over the years there wasn't much we didn't talk about. I had a pretty good idea, though, what her views were on masturbation: Not acceptable for her . . . per her Catholic upbringing and from certain advisories from her mom. But, for guys however, she assumed it was a normal thing, particularly pre-marriage, religion aside.
During approximately the first half of our married life, I would masturbate one once every week or so on average, but then partner sex was fairly regular so I wasn't feeling horny too much of the time. This wasn't something I shared with my wife, knowing her views, and also figuring it wasn't in that 'need to know' category of life. From a few hints I dropped now and then, she knew that I probably masturbated once in a great while - especially when on an extended business trip or if she was 'indisposed' for a while [illness, childbirth or etc.] - but that would be the extent of it.
When I finally discovered the joys of edging about 18 years ago this changed the picture for me quite a bit. The kids were grown and out of the house, and it was just my wife and myself. Given that she was a late riser and that I was the early bird, typically awake by 4 a.m. or so, I had both the opportunity and urge to devote practically every morning to edging [see SoloTouch story referenced above]. Sometimes I'd be enjoying myself for just an hour or two, but more often it was 3 or 4 hours at a stretch, day after day. Seldom allowed myself to come off, preferring instead to wait until the next time my wife and I could enjoy sex together. Once in a great while I'd go over the edge accidentally, but this was probably no more than 1 in 30 edging sessions.
As all of us know, our solo activities aren't exactly noiseless! For me, the combination of a moderate amount of Cowper's fluid along with some lubricant creates a tell-tale 'wet sound', although I'm usually successful in keeping the noise to a minimum [emphasis on 'usually']. Then of course are the other noises - stroking and massaging [in all the right places!], sudden changes in breathing pattern when I'm in a really intense state, rolling over from one side/position to another and so forth. Well, now and then I'd be making just a bit too much noise and my wife, being a pretty light sleeper, would ask 'what that was'. I'd mumble a lame excuse of one kind or another, but never really said what was actually going on!
A couple of years passed and I finally concluded that it was just plain ridiculous - if not outright stupid of me - to keep my wife in the dark about my early a.m. pleasures. I don't know what took me so long but am guessing it was a combination of reasons relating to personal embarrassment and a 'sense' that my wife would negatively judge me, or perhaps feel badly that I somehow felt I 'had' to play solo so often. Anyway, one day I gathered my courage and explained to her what I had been doing under the covers each morning [in more ways than one!]. She expressed a mixture of puzzlement and regret: Puzzlement as to why I hadn't said something before, and regret [and even guilt] that if I was 'having' to play with myself every morning it 'must be' because she wasn't giving me what I needed. We talked about this quite a while and I reassured her that, absolutely and positively. . . . it wasn't about 'her', as it were . . .it had to do with my own personal desire and enjoyment of playing solo. . .something that was separate and apart from what she and I enjoyed together. What I did was 'in addition to', and totally separate from, what she and I did. I also told her that, from all I had heard and read, this was pretty common. . . and that 'I wasn't being weird' . . women as well as men enjoyed masturbation as a natural part of their life, alongside their sexual lives together.
We talked about these things over the next few months, and she finally made peace with the whole idea. She basically arrived at the point of both understanding and acceptance. Now and then, over the breakfast table, she'd kid me about making a 'bit of noise' this morning earlier . . I must have been having fun!' And I smile and say, 'You bet . . . it was great fun!!' Also, now and then I'll forget to put my lubricant and cock rings back into the nightstand drawer next to my bed and - if she happened to be the one making the bed later than morning [we generally take turns on this . . . without 'counting'], she simply puts my 'helpers' away and lets it go at that, without remarking on it. Today was an exception. She left 'the items' on top of the nightstand . . . so, well . .they'll be there for me at 4 a.m. tomorrow!
Amazingly, the fact that I finally clued in my wife as to my enjoyment of regularly masturbating and edging ended up with two terrific benefits: First, it opened to door to other conversations we've had about additional 'interesting things' we can do with and for each other when having sex. Those conversations, I should add, have led to 'action', and some great experiments and outcomes. Second, it's allowed me to be more open, less guarded, about my nocturnal or early a.m. edging activity, not having to 'hold back' so much in trying to be as absolutely quiet as possible. Yes, I still try not to make too much noise but, at the same time, I know that if my wife 'happens' to hear me, at least she'll know what I'm doing and that I'm being happily occupied. Now and then if I forget myself and get a little outta hand she'll say a word about 'keeping it down a few decibels', but that seldom happens.
I've read quite a few SoloTouch stories about 'what my wife knows, or doesn't', and I hope that what I've written here will be helpful to at least a few readers . .. . regardless of age. For me, I regret that I didn't tell my wife more about my needs and interests earlier. But I understand too that not all our wives are wired the same as mine. Some wives may end up being resentful . . . or take on huge guilt complexes . . .or whatever. But, hopefully, most of them will understand, at a deep level, that marriage can and should [in my opinion] accommodate interests in both solo sex and partner sex, for BOTH partners. If I didn't believe that, deep down, I'd never have talked with my wife in the first place about what I had been doing, and why. Nor would I be doing what I'm doing and enjoying today.