Doing It For The Lady Across The Way
man, oh, man, have i thought a lot about setting down some of my crazy experiences. i often wondered why i did what i've done. i wondered if i was abused sexually by my older brother as a child. and i think he did interfere in my development. i was always, it seems, interested in exploring my genitals, and those of my friends, as a young child. at age 4 or 5, i was caught a few times doing this once with a male friend and once with a female friend. but my mother never made a big deal about it. the family housekeeper did when i was playing with a female friend, also age 5 or so. we closed the door to the living room and used a plastic erector set, just to play. my sister and i did this, too, but without getting caught. she was two years older. no biggee.
i remember around that age or older my friend bobby and i would roll ourselves up in these large mats in the playroom of his house. i always wanted to do this nake. no idea why, i just loved the erotic feeling; i got excited by this. and fantasized about being rescued by batman! i fantasised that i was robin. but i always felt amibivalent about him. i definitely picked up on the gay erotic elements of that tv show from the 60s, at an early age. though i don't consider myself gay, maybe bicurious. more on that later
anyway, i'll cut to an older age for interest's sake. my older brother kept playboy and penthouse magazines in his room when he was a teen, and the family was cool about it. my dad would even look at them sometimes. when i began masturbating it was to these. i must've been 12 and ahalf, with no pubic hair on my smooth body, or anything. but i would get so damn horny, that i would try to rub myself. i knew what masturbation was from reading the playboy advisor, so i tried it until i got it right. at that time, my penis was so sensitive that i couldn't use my bare hand. i had to use a kleenex to jerk off. eventually i switched to vaseline, and i still use it. i have tried everything though.
finally, one day, i got my hand on an erotic novel of my brothers, and that was the beginnning of my perversion. in this novel, there were scenes with adults and teenagers, which turned me on a lot as a teen, and everything under the sun: oral, anal and even bestiality. they all turned me on. i was discoverng a new world, and was masturbating 2 or 3 or 4 times a day. the anal part was a revelation. i couldn't believe it, was partially repulsed by it. then i was fascinated by it. eventually, i tried playing with my asshole while i jerked off. and, you guessed it, it wasn't long before one of those vasalined fingers found its way to my asshole. god! just typing that makes me get a rush of excitement. eventually, i was snaking a finger up my ass regularly. fearing i might be gay, i felt shame about it, which, 20 years later was a sad waste of emotional energy.
i would jack myself and stop, jack, and stop, pull on my balls, and jack, with both hands greased. then, i would stick a finger up my ass, and blow my load so hard and fast, i would sometimes shoot over my head. ah, to be 16. soon, i discovered drugs. and then jerking off while i was stoned. that was really fun.
one day, i was doing some homework near the window in my room. i live in new york, and so, bldgs are right across the street. i saw the 20-something woman across the street walk out on to her roof deck in her panties and topless, to take down her laundry! i was beside myself, and immediately closed the shutters and jerked off. slowly, over the next months, i would think about this more and more while i jerked off in my room. eventually, i was so horny and desperate, as i went to an all boys school, that i decided to jerk off in the window. one night, i spied her washing her dishes, and i jerked off. she didn't see me, as i came all over the window. a couple of nights later, i did it again, and again, nothing. another night i did it again, and she glanced out the window. i could see her stop what she was doing and put her face closer to the window. up till now i had always pullled away from the window if she showed any sign of looking up. but this time i stayed with it, and was rewarded with an audience. i couldn't see her facial expression, but i could see that i had her attention. i jerked and jerked and blew my load over my head. the next night, at the same time, i could see she was waiting for me. but i felt ashamed at what i had done. ashamed and turned on! she mustve been at least ten years older than i. some nights later, i caught her playing with herself in the window! she seemed to be naked--i was across a street and the lighting for her was bad--but she had a hand rather busy, was bare chested, and was hunched over staring out the window. i kept my lights out and was so totally turned on by this. she was doing this FOR ME!!!
well, that's all for now. but in my next installment i will tell where this went. this was only the beginnning of my perversions. --richard