Bad Christian training
In Part 1 I told of the difficulty of masturbating in a fundamentalist Christian College in the 1970's. Masturbation was treated as either a terrible sin or a mental disorder by many in leadership. It made growing up difficult as most Christian guys felt they held a deep, dark secret inside themselves that made them different and unacceptable. I have learned in time to grow up, but it has not been easy. I have learned through much trial which part of my Christian upbringing was real and which was not Biblical.
After college, I was determined to liberate myself from the masturbation phobia. I met another young man who was raised like me who loved to masturbate and felt totally ashamed of himself. Slowly we were able to talk about how we learned to masturbate without any instruction. We both discovered it is like falling off a bike, it just comes naturally with no practice.
We decided we wanted to see what it would be like to share what had always been a totally private moment, experienced in fear of getting caught. After much talk and prayer, we decided to plan a big night. We found a magazine that had soft porn, topless women in tiny bikinis, and set it aside for the big night. For guys who grew up masturbating to the women's underwear section of a catalog, this stuff was pretty racy. One advantage, we did not have to hide our material growing up. We would just leave it open to the sporting goods section on our desk.
The big Friday night arrived. We both abstained for several days in anticipation. We went to a movie and then headed to my place. As we walked in I was shaking so bad he asked if I was cold. But the hormones were pumping in excitment. We got the magazine out which was there mostly to assure each other that we were straight. We kept saying things like, 'Look at her, Wow,' even though we were looking at the bulge growing in each other's pants.
Then the big decision. I asked, 'Are you ready for the bedroom?' We both had been waiting 25 years for this moment and were quickly in the bedroom and naked. We climbed into bed and put the magazine between us. I finally looked over at his erection and saw my first other than my own. It was so beautiful. Mine curves upward, and his was as straight as an ruler. I had to think about something else for a few seconds to get back under control or I would have shot right then.
My friend was as turned on as me and I watched his eyes and I noticed he was staring at my erection just as hard as I was staring at his. His eyes were wide open and totally focused.
We both came; I passed him a tissue I had set out for him.
I then learned that it is not easy for Christians raised to fear masturbation to change quickly. As we got dressed my friend said he felt really guilty. The experience was too intense. We were both overwhelmed and did not know how to talk about it. We were not aware that there were others like ourselves.
My friend left without saying anything and he refused to talk to me when I called. He would just say, 'It's over and done with, good bye.' I tried stopping by and seeing him but he would not see me. The experience for me was one of bonding with a friend, but for him it caused a total panic. A few months later he got a job in another town and that was it.
I am so glad when I see Christians on this site able to deal with masturbation in a mature and Biblical manner. I have never figured out why fundamentalists feared masturabation as much as anything. I sometimes still think of Brad when I masturbate and wonder what he is doing now.