I've been doing this for many years and it still works great. Buy a nice ripe melon-watermelon, cantelope, etc.-and let it sit outside in the sun long enough for it to get really warm. I use a short piece of water pipe I've had that is slightly smaller than my penis and make a hole in the melon, taking out the plug. For me, I also enjoy anal pleasure on occasion and have a section of a painting roller handle-the round end of course-that I thoroughly clean. Kneel on the floor or wherever you want. (This will get a little messy so be aware of that.) I insert the end of a well-lubed painting rod severel inches inside my anus, with most sticking out but resting on the floor. I then insert my penis in the warm and very moist melon, which feels so much like a real vagina that if you didn't know better, you'd swear you were in one. Humping the warm moist melon which also by now has a sucking action, and the bumping of the roller handle on the floor, stimulating your prostate will produce one of the best orgasms you are likely to ever have. Trick is to not cum too fast.
You can also use a smaller melon-a cantelope for instance-and do a similar hole but lie on your back and move the melon up and down with your hands for what is as close to a blowjob as you can get. I learned these tricks years ago from a buddy who was raised in Alabama where he and friends would cut plugs in the growing melons.