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Anticipation

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Its been a long and tiring night. I couldnt sleep properly on the flight over, never can really doze off on an aircraft, I dont think many pilots can.I dont know what has been happening to me lately. I am the product of a lovely family.I have a younger brother and a twin sister. I was educated very well at a very expensive school. Then came cadetship and eventually the career that I have wanted since I was 8. Why, then, do I have these awful urges? Deep, sickening, perverted, some may say. Why do I fantasize about my family sometimes? Why have I had thrilling orgasms thinking about my brother, even my father? When I was home last, my sister had told me in graphic detail of her new boyfriend. She even told me one night that they had fucked that afternoon. Why then did I take her panties from the laundry and wallow in the combination of her sex and his spunk? Why do I get turned on by the most forbidden things. Why to I fantasize about being 15 and having my dad catch me masturbating? Why do I find myself getting turned on at the thought of being tied up and spanked? Why have my thoughts turned to wanting a girl to pee on me? Why can these thoughts reduce my belly to liquid and my panties into a sodden mess between my legs?I thought my puberty was pretty normal. Some crushes on boys, and one an a girl, but nothing came of it. They came, they went. Nothing in my well to do life has exposed me to any of the fantasies that flood unbidden into my mind. Long haul is the worst. The exhilleration of take-off and landing is interspersed by mindnumbing monitoring. Hour upon thankless hour. Plenty of time for the mind to wander. To play tricks. To make me slip a hand under my skirt given the chance. I had my belly button pierced last week. It hurt, and I loved it. Now, I am shaven between my legs. I have a tattoo on my lower back. Next week I am going to have a ring under my clit. Its not so much having the ring there, its the fact that I will have to sit with myself exposed to the piercer. To let him, (or her, I suppose. I hadnt really thought about that) get close to me. A perfect stranger will touch my sex, will prepare me. Then the needle's sting as it pierces my most precious jewel. I wonder if I will cum?I am sinking into a world of depravity.... and I love it!

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