All About 'Alice'
Masturbation has been practiced on my part for almost all of my 45 years as a single male. However there are drawbacks to an unrestricted practice of it. I'm not saying that it grows hair on hands but rather that, in males at least, too frequent use of the ultra-pleasurable, highly educational (you learn more what partners want) and often the only way to go practice (this refers to the handicapped and dysfunctional mainly) self educating practice does, as does sex of any form, tax the body and mind when used too frequently, which depends on the party masturbating, can lead to altered interests based on selfishness (too often it is true: give a man or woman an inch and they'll take a mile), and defuse in a person's mind the importance of the other in marriage when used too frequently as well. These are reasons for applied SELF restraint.
When deciding on the reasonableness of a practice, I ask if my considered actions would rate in the field of 35% to 65% of the world's practices where I consider strict absolution (impossibility for humans) 0% and the malicious overuse of the self-aid as 100%.
Bang the Bull by the Horns or Titillate the Treasure Trove if you do need it, but even I who am unmarried don't go for it more than twice a week which I find mentally taxing without vitamins.
To cite a few honored treasures I found in a newsgroup:
There was once was a lady named Alice; Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus; They found her quim on the Grand Canyon rim; And her ass in a suburb of Dallas.
A Dolly In Dallas Named Alice,Whose Overworked Sex Is All Callous; Wore The Foreskin Away; On Uncircumsized Ray; Through Exuberance, Tightness, And Malice.
A Frustrated Lady Named Alice; Used A Dynamite Stick For A Phallus; They Found Her Vagina; In North Carolina; And Bits Of Her Tits Were In Dallas.
A Girl Named Alice, In Dallas, Had Never Felt Of A Phallus; She Remained Virgo Intacto; Because, Ipso Facto, No Phallus In Dallas Fit Alice.
A Team Playing Baseball In Dallas, Called The Umpire Blind Out Of Malice; While This Worthy Had Fits; The Team Made Eight Hits, And A Girl In The Bleachers Named Alice.
There Once Was A Young Lady Named Alice Who Was Known To Have Peed In A Chalice; 'twas The Common Belief; It Was Done For Relief, And Not Out Of Protestant Malice.
There Was A Young Girl Named Alice, Who Used Sticks As Dynomite As A Phallus; One Day In Great Lust, She Made A Deep Thrust; It Blew Her From Houston To Dallas.
There Was A Young Lady Named Alice, Who Purchased A Hard-Rubber Phallus. Since She Learned Its Perfections, She Shuns Doctors' Inspections. It Is Such An Odd Place For A Callus.
There Was A Young Lady Named Alice, Whose Ass Was As Big As A Palace. Her Dresses Were Tight, And She Made Quite A Sight, To Quicken The Pulse Of The Callous.
There Was A Young Nun Named Alice, Who Was Taking A Piss In A Chalice. When A Passing Old Vicar, Seized Her To Stick Her, Not Through Lust, But Through Protestant Malice.
There Was A Young Showgirl Named Alice, Could Pick Up Loose Coins With Her Phallus. But It Couldn't Make Change, Which Narrowed Her Range, And Kept Her From Playing The Palace.
There Was A Young Virgin Named Alice, Who Thought Of Her C*nt As A Chalice. One Night, Sleeping Nude, She Awoke Feeling Lewd, And Found In Her Chalice, A Phallus.
When They Asked A Pert Baggage Named Alice, Who'd Been Bedded And Banged In The Palace, ''Was He Modest Or Vain?'' ''Was He Regal Or Plain?' She Replied, ''He's A Jolly Good Phallus!''