A Girl Named Desire

When I became bipolar I learned to run. I learned to love it. I learned to live for the quiet in my head and the euphoria at the end. I learned to love surrender. There's a dock along the floating walkway. It's just a wooden rectangle with a wooden rail around it. In the summer I often change the music on my headphones when I reach it, and dance. I don't care who's looking. My own private blissful stage to get lost in.

That's when it happened. I was dancing to Lindsey, in my own little heaven and then she was there. Most people steer clear of me, thinking I'm totally insane or something (if only they knew), but I've also caught people watching me from the other side smiling and appearing to be pleased. She did neither. She hopped up on the railing and looked at me. I pulled out my headphones and said hi. Your music looks beautiful. Let me hear what you're hearing. I pulled out the headphones and stepped closer to her so my phone speakers could be heard. She listened with rapt attention and then asked me to start the piece over. This girl had my attention. She was small and wiry, but as she slid off the rail I realized how graceful she was. May I dance for you now? She asked. I nodded. I was mesmerized by her personality and her movements quickly made me lose track of time and place. I probably didn't even know my own name. She had not told me hers. She danced closer to me and her delicate hand grazed my face in a questioning caress. She reached for my hand and I gave it to her in a trance.

Later I would question if I had played with Ecstasy before hand, but I wasn't carrying at the time. She spun herself into my arm so her back was against my chest, then threw her head back to look up at me. I have no idea what possessed me to do it but I leaned down to kiss her. At first I considered it to be a trial, a question, how far are we going with this? But a moment later, deep in a black velvet kiss, I forgot there was ever a question. My body came to life at full capacity. The euphoria of the run, the mania in my head, the music, the sunshine, all conspired to make me open to her. But she would not have needed even one of those advantages. If she'd smiled at me in a gas station we'd have been fucking in the bathroom in six seconds. But she wasn't the dirty bathroom kind. She came out here in the open to capture her temptation. Her body against mine was pulsing with heat. Probably somewhere an ariel Google satellite operator was in his office, praying that we stayed where he could see us.

I reached around and put her breasts in my hands, sliding up under her nearly nonexistent tank and finding no bra, which I already knew to be the case. They were warm and soft and a little sweaty. At my touch her nipples hardened and her face softened into pure pleasure. I kissed her neck now as she threw off her hair and offered it to me. She was running her hands up and down my bare thighs and slipping her fingers up under my running shorts, so so close. I felt fire beginning to burn in earnest between my legs which were still wrapped around her. I spun her around and pulled her hair back with one hand sinking my lips onto her breast. Sucking.

"Harder", she said.

"I don't know what you like", I whispered back.

"Let's find out then", she smiled with a real tease on the end.

I changed breasts and bit her, expecting to find the line but she just arched in pleasure. She slipped her hand into my stretchy little shorts and her fingers were achingly soft. I was being harsh but she was exceptionally gentle and the contrast was driving me to heights I hadn't known before. Instead of matching me she complemented me. Where had that been all my life? I traced the shape of each rib on her lithe body before wrapping my hands around her hips, moving them against me to the meter of the music. Unbuttoning her Daisy Dukes, I opened them all the way and pushed aside a tiny pink satin thong. It was wet with her desire. She was thrusting herself against my hand now and I wrapped my other hand around her butt and pulled her up against me.

I was flaming now, grinding against her, feeling every flick and plunge of her fingers. She wrapped her other arm around my shoulder for better leverage and lifted her one leg bent up at my side and draped it over the rail. Her fingers were in my hair, running teasingly up and down my neck and scalp. It was so surreal to be here in the sun on this dock, fucking this exquisite girl who made it better for me than anyone ever had. Searing heat blazed through my body and somehow through it I remembered to finish it for her. I sunk my hand deep into her breast and her vagina at the same time, moving faster and more urgently now, little gasps escaping her lips until she cried out into my hair and let me sink her to the floor of the dock still within each other.

I leaned against the rail and she lay back in the sun and all I could see in her was desire. Her beautiful ebony skin and her impossibly black curls made her the most perfect human being on the planet in that moment. She finally got to her knees, crawled to me and deeply kissed me. Then she stood and hit repeat on my phone because the music had stopped being real somewhere in that lust. Thanks, you were amazing, she said. And in a trance I watched her disappear down the path. I didn't try to follow her, it would have destroyed the stolen moment of time. For years after that I would wonder what her name was, and in my head I called her Desire, because that's what she was from that first moment on. I have dreamed of her so many times, and the music is always the same.