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• Interesting Facts About Masturbation
• Notes and Quotes
• Chasing the (Sometimes) Elusive Female Orgasm
• How to Achieve the Continuous Male Orgasm
Author: Manfred F. De Martino
Modern sex research says this about masturbation:
1. Masturbation essentially is not only a "normal" and healthy form of sexual behavior, but it is also useful as a means of learning about one's own sexual responses.
2. While the great majority of both sexes masturbate at one time or another, more males do so than females (although increasingly more females are doing so) and they generally masturbate more often.
3. Babies and very young children of both sexes experience genital manipulation as well as deliberate self-stimulation, which at times results in orgasms (orgasms, however, are attained by more young females than males). Moreover, autogenital stimulation during infancy is a positive behavior and appears to be related to a sense of well-being and desirable personality development.
4. Although a number of children masturbate to the point of orgasm, most youngsters do not engage in deliberate autoerotic behavior until about the time of adolescence.
5. Both females and males are beginning to masturbate at younger ages than in the past, but which of the sexes is starting to do so earlier still remains an unsettled question.
6. While at present about 95% or 96% of the men in our society experience masturbatory activity at one time or another, the percentage of women who do so is probably around 80%. And an increasing number of women are indulging in the practice.
7. Autoerotic activity is engaged in by a considerable number of women and men of advanced age and among the aged the behavior is more prevalent on the part of women than men.
8. The main way in which females acquire a knowledge about autoeroticism is through self-discovery while males seem to learn about the practice primarily from hearing about it.
9. There are various reasons why people masturbate and these include specifically sexual ones as well as more complex psychological motives.
10. The masturbatory techniques utilized by females are much more varied than are the ones employed by males and among other things include the use of the hand or fingers, vibrators, all sorts of elongated objects, penis substitutes, running water, and fruits and vegetables.
11. The use of fantasy during masturbation while more prevalent among males than females, is experienced by a substantial percentage of females. And more and more females appear to be employing fantasy during self-stimulation.
12. Sooner or later almost all women learn to achieve an orgasm from masturbatory activity and the average time needed for women to attain an orgasm from masturbation is approximately "a little less than four minutes." The average time required by males to reach an orgasm from masturbation seems to be "between two and three minutes." (Kinsey et al., 1948)
13. Many married women and men masturbate and this is a behavior that is increasing. In the case of women, the use of autoeroticism has a positive rather than a negative effect on their marital sex lives. (The same is probably also true with respect to men.)
14. The practice of autoeroticism definitely does not inhibit one from engaging in sexual activity with other persons, and with respect to females, the experiencing of sexual intercourse tends to result in an increased use of masturbation.
15. Wile fewer people presently experience feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and embarrassment in reference to the practice of masturbation than was true in years past, nevertheless, a surprising number still do, including college students. Acceptance of autoerotic behavior is greater among college educated persons and those of upper social levels than among non-college-educated individuals and those of lower social levels. Also, males are generally more accepting of the practice than are females.
16. Some medical students, residents, and doctors still believe that masturbation causes emotional disorders.
17. Personality characteristics such as feelings of self-esteem (especially) and security seem to be related to an acceptance of autoeroticism.
18. Masturbation to the point of orgasm appears to put less strain on one's heart as measured by an increase in heart rate than does coital activity that results in orgasm.
19. The element of religion, as always, continues to exert a negative influence on the practice of masturbation. Autoeroticism is more prevalent among nonreligious groups of people than among those who are devout.
20. The use of autoerotic activity is being employed more and more in the treatment programs of women and men who have sexual problems and thus far the therapeutic results achieved have been very encouraging.
21. Self-disclosure by sex therapists and the like concerning their own masturbatory experiences appears to be a new development that is becoming more widespread.
22. Diametrically opposed to the attitudes toward masturbation held by authorities of the past, reputable psychotherapists and sexologists are now stating that a lack of masturbatory experience may be related to psychopathology, rather than the practice of autoeroticism.
23. In the years ahead, it appears certain that "masturbation" will become a household word and its use by babies, children, adolescents, and adults will be viewed in a far more positive light than ever before.
[Excerpted from the conclusion to "Research on Autoeroticism: An Overall View," an essay contained in Human Autoerotic Practices edited by Manfred F. De Martino, pages 321--357 (NY: Human Sciences Press, 1979). Copyright 1979 by Human Sciences Press and electronically reproduced by permission. De Martino was a certified sex therapist as well as a certified psychologist who had a private practice. He also was a college psychology professor.]
"Disposable tampons have been on the market in the United States since the invention of Tampax in 1933, but from the myths, misconceptions, and dark mutterings about spoiled virginity, you would think they had sprung full-blown from the forehead of Jack the Ripper. When they were first introduced, even the churches got into the act, in a rare show of concern for women's bodies, and disputed for some years over the tampon as an engine of contraception, masturbation, or defloration (even though the napkin, with its constant pressure on the clitoris, is a more likely candidate for devil's disciple)." (Janice Delaney, Mary Jane Lupton & Emily Toth, The Curse: A Cultural History of Menstruation, University of Chicago Press 1988, page 139)
"Female circumcision---clitoridectomy and infibulation---...is actually practiced today on millions of women in 20 countries throughout Africa [and in other countries, we should add, where people with this tradition have immigrated---ed.]. Pre-menarcheal girls, some as young as seven, undergo surgical excision of the clitoris, labia minora, and inner walls of the labia majora and suturing of the sides of the vulva. The operation which, except for the rich or educated, is performed without benefit of hospital, anesthesia, or sterile instruments, may bring on shock, infections, urine retention. Throughout their lives the women suffer chronic infection, painful menstruation, complicated childbirth, sexual fear and pain.
"Men and women alike accept female circumcision as a way to preserve the purity of unmarried women and to curb the sexual appetites of married ones. In The Politics of Reproductive Ritual (1981), Karen Paige and Jeffrey Paige describe infibulatioin as a father's means of protecting the 'marriage value' of his daughter, who, in many of these societies, is likely to be betrothed well before her menarche and married soon after it occurs. Infibulation ensures that the intended bridegroom gets the virgin he has bargain---and paid---for. Although many Moslems believe circumcision is a requirement of Islamic law, no doctrinal justification for it exists, and it is not done in Saudi Arabia, the center of Islam. It is practiced by Africans who are Catholics, Protestants, Copts, animists, and nonbelievers and, as an ancient African puberty rite, probably predates all the religions predominant in the area now....While we can empathize with the herculean task faced by those who would eradicate such an ancient and pervasive puberty rite, we cannot refrain from calling female circumcision what it is---torture, mutilation, cruelty, and the most extreme form of fear of female sexuality yet to be uncovered." (Janice Delaney, Mary Jane Lupton & Emily Toth, The Curse: A Cultural History of Menstruation, University of Chicago Press 1988, pages 35-36)
Man is wrong to be ashamed of mentioning and displaying it [the penis], always covering and hiding it. He should, on the contrary, decorate and display it with the property gravity, as if it were an envoy. ---Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)
According to Weight Wachers Magazine, a recent study done at Chicago State University reveals that women who exercise have better sex lives. In a survey of 500 women ages 18-45 who participated regularly in aerobic dance, calisthenics or weight- training classes, nearly 60% reported greater satisfaction with their sexual self since they started exercising. Additionally, nearly 25% of the women said they experienced sexual arousal while exercising, and almost 30% reported an increased libido immediately after working out.
"I am aware that some have laid it down that virgins of Christ must not bathe with eunuchs or married women, because the former still have the minds of men and the latter may present the ugly spectacle of swollen bellies [i.e., pregnant]. For my part I say that mature girls must not bathe at all, because they ought to blush to see themselves naked." ---"Saint" Jerome
"Women who vilify other women for choosing to take their clothes off in front of a camera, for writing pornography or buying erotic videos so that they might go home and masturbate, these cranky sexual prohibitors are the direct descendants of the household nuns at the turn of the century. They hate seeing beauty and power in women's sexuality because it is not a license they allow themselves. Once, long ago, these antisex women tasted erotic excitement; it is impossible to go through life never, even as a child, to have touched oneself. It used to be only Vile Men who reminded these witchy women of their suppressed sexuality. But now they hate sexual women even more for picking the scab where their own sex once lived. Many men still enjoy satisfying their erotic needs just as their grandfathers did: alone in the dark. No orgasm was quite so thrilling as that during masturbation in mother's pretty powder room just feet away from the family dinner table. And no woman is so exciting as she whose fingers work between her legs, her eyes staring out at the man, inviting him to do likewise." ---Nancy Friday in The Power of Beauty, New York: Harper (1996); pages 400-401. [Editor's note: this is a great book written by a well-known woman. She uplifts sexuality and trashes what she sees as the negative, bondage-inducing aspects of organized femanism.]
"How many, I wonder, ....feel the daily reality of sexual expression as an active part of personality? I doubt I'm alone in viewing my sexuality as integral with my personality. It isn't "sex" that repressive and authoritarian societies squash. What really gets flattened is the individual persona, and along with it a great deal of loving interaction which gets replaced with the fear-stuff society relies on for control. Seems so obvious that any sex activity that's mutual and responsible will have pleasure and a deeply personal state as its product. It's hard to imagine what society could find wrong with those outcomes. Yet, our culture sees the graphic portrayal of violence as not only acceptable; it's often presented as entertaining. Non-damaging sex, however, undergoes severest scrutiny...." ---H.D. [from a letter printed in Celebrate The Self: The Magazine of Solo Sex, July/August 1996 issue. This publication, directed mostly toward men, is an excellent acknowledgement of the beauty of self-loving. It is highly recommended. Write to Factor Press, PO Box 8888, Mobile, Alabama 36689-8888.]
"Sexuality is not a leisure or part-time activity, it is a way of being." ---Alexander Lowen in Love and Orgasm.
"The percentage of men and women in the United States, England and France who report at least some sexual attraction or actual sexual contact with people of the same sex since age 15 is consistent. Researchers report that approximately 16 to 21 percent of those interviewed placed themselves in that category. And, because there's a societal bias against such attraction, that figure might be considerably lower than the reality." ---Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 24, No. 3, 1995 [reprinted in Celebrate the Self, July-Aug. 1996]
In 1981 Cosmopolitan magazine surveyed its primarily female readership about sexuality (106,000 women interviewed). What did they say were the most pleasant accompaniments or preliminaries to sex? 7,722 preferred the sound of music; 6,480 = a drink or 2; 5,632 = smells (perfume, body odor, etc.); 4,805 = sexy talk; 2,912 = drugs (pot, uppers, etc.); porn = 2,121; 1,680 = food; and 780 = "other" (you guess what that includes!). To the question "what areas, other than the clitoris, respond erotically to stimulation" they answered: breasts or nipples (8,730); mouth (6,461); ears (5,670); anus (2,651); "other" (2,518); and nothing (81). [Reported in Schwartz, Kit. The Female Member, page 32-33]
Some people disparage porn because, they say, it "objectifies women: it converts them into sexual objects." However, a leading female authority on porn and its positive benefits to women, Wendy McElroy, says, "Usually, the term sex objects means that women are shown as 'body parts'; they are reduced to being physical objects. What is wrong with this? Women are as much their bodies as they are their minds or souls. No one gets upset if you present a woman as a brain or as a spiritual being. Yet those portrayals ignore women as physical beings. To get upset by an image that focuses on the human body is merely to demonstrate a bad attitude toward what is physical.... Underlying this attitude is the view that sex must be somehow ennobled to be proper. And, for that matter, why is a naked female body more of an 'object' than a clothed one?" [in XXX: A Woman's Right to Pornography, page 98]
"I didn't masturbate to orgasm until I had had intercourse, but it was common for me to masturbate even before I was dating. Today I bring myself to orgasm probably four or five times a month. I feel comfortable about it and always have. In fact, I think it's good for me. My sexual relationship with Brad is very satisfying, and I think my ability to masturbate and know myself sexually is a big factor in that. I have control of my ability to reach orgasms and that removes total responsibility from his shoulders." [a woman's personal story told in Growing Up Without Shame, page 70]
"The fact that women can orgasm easily and pleasurably whenever they want (many women several times in a row) shows beyond a doubt that women know how to enjoy their bodies; no one needs to tell them how. It is not female sexuality that has a problem ('dysfunction') but society that has a problem in its definition of sex and the subordinate role that definition gives women. Sharing our hidden sexuality by telling how we masturbate is a first step toward bringing our sexuality out into the world and toward redefining sex and physical relationships as we know them." [From the introduction to The Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality, page 60 of the Dell edition. On the next page, author-researcher Shere Hite goes on to say: "Masturbation seems to have so much to recommend it---easy and intense orgasms, an unending source of pleasure---but, unfortunately, we are all suffering in some degree from a culture that says people should not masturbate...." These two quotes summarize the purpose of this website: To share our "hidden sexuality" in order to bring people better understanding and provide them tools to deal with their, and other people's, feelings; and to attack those cultural forces that tell us we shouldn't enjoy ourselves. Those forces are primary reasons for guilt, inability to achieve complete sexual satisfaction and a host of psychological and inter-relationship problems. For those interested in learning more about female masturbation, study Hite's book; the first chapter is devoted to the topic.]
Shere Hite's survey (referenced above) found that approximately 82% of women masturbate while 15% stated they didn't (3% didn't answer). Furthermore, "96% of women who do orgasm at any time and who do masturbate orgasm regularly during masturbation." (page 592)
According to "J," author of the best-seller The Way to Become The Sensuous Woman (1969), "Masturbation is an awkward, ugly, socially unutterable word for one of the most gratifying human experiences. It is wholesome, normal and sound, yet the word itself has an unwholesome, abnormal and embarrassing taint to it. Women who will admit to an affair, with only a twinge of self-consciousness, will huffily deny any personal knowledge of this most common sexual act and imply that only a few unfortunate and sexually aberrated women are driven to the extremes of masturbation. Yet nearly every woman masturbates at some time in her life. Smart women masturbate quite lot, because they have discovered that it opens the doors of sensuality to them, for it strengthens and increases the flexibility of the love muscles, helps the body to coordinate fully at demand and teaches women to have orgasms---many orgasms---easily. When you think of all it can do for you, isn't it worth overcoming your revulsion toward the word---and the act? Masturbation workouts will teach you which places of your body arouse the most pleasure in you when caressed, what kind of manipulation in the clitoral area gives you the quickest response and/or the most exquisite one, what your multiple-orgasm pattern is (must you stop for a minute before going on or are you able to continue manipulation and go immediately to the next orgasm?). You will learn how many orgasms you can have in a single session before tiring. Some women are satisfied with three or four; a few have gone as high as a hundred before wearing out!" (pages 39-40) [Note: the word does have a bad feel to it but coming up with euphamisms doesn't change anything. It is a proper word describing a proper human act. Perhaps it's best to take the bad image away from the word than to invent a new one. We like "self- loving" as an alternative, but it isn't nearly as precise in its meaning as "masturbation" and some confusion might arise. When you say "I'm masturbating," nobody should have a doubt about what you're doing!]
"What is certainly a source of great confusion to many people is that many authorities speak and write with a forked tongue, taking on the one hand a very liberal attitude regarding masturbation (it's normal and healthy) while at the same time conveying the impression that at best it's a necessary evil and there is really something strange about anyone who is doing it. "David Reuben provides a fine example of this procedure. Here are some quotations from his Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, a book that sold millions of copies: "'The only thing harmful about masturbation is the guilt that is drummed into children who admit masturbating.' [This is the tolerant stance: masturbation is fine. Now watch how he undermines it.] '... masturbation is fun. Certainly not as much fun as full- fledged sexual intercourse, but the next thing to it. That is exactly what masturbation is, a substitute form of gratification when sexual intercourse is impossible.' "[In answer to a question regarding when masturbation is desirable, he mentions it is fine for those too young for partner sex and that it may be helpful for nonorgasmic women. He is then asked if there are other situations where self-stimulation is desirable.] 'In those who cannot obtain sexual satisfaction in any other way. Men and women in prison, very old people, and often the blind are restricted in their sexual outlets.' "What the good doctor---along with so many others who talk and write about sex---is saying is that masturbation is fine...for children, the aged, the infirm, and the incarcerated. Anyone else doing it just doesn't have what it takes to have the real thing---'heterosexual intercourse'---and is therefore forced to settle for this poor substitute. This is simply a continuation of the view espoused since the beginning of this century that self-stimulaation in adults is immature and indicates some deficiency. "Men's attitudes about their own mastubatory activities strongly reflect the unhappy legacy we have been discussing. It is usually experienced as a necessary evil, useful for relieving sexual tension. Very few feel good about masturbating and even fewer talk about it. Even men who brag about all their other sexual activities never seem to say anything, boastful or otherwise, about their autoerotic practices." [Male Sexuality by Dr. Zilbergeld, pp. 166-167]
Statistics referenced by Richard Posner in his Sex and Reason show that the three countries with the highest religious attendance in the world (U.S.A., Ireland and South Africa) also have an extremely high violence rate, whereas the three countries with the lowest religious attendance (Denmark, Sweden and Japan) have an usually low rate of violence. Wonder why....
Solo Sex in Ancient Greece: Masturbation is described positively and reverently in ancient mythology. Osiris, the Egyptian god of light, created the world by an act of masturbation. In Greek myth, Hermes taught Pan to masturbate. The myths show masturbation was considered creative and empowering. It was a skill and a power taught by friendly gods.
Self-befriending masturbation means enjoying masturbation as a good in itself. It is sexual self-esteem; it celebrates our competence in nurturing and taking care of ourselves. It is therapeutic since it involves a letting go of inhibition, even showing off and taking pride in the self-sufficiency of our sexuality. As long as masturbation is sexually complete in itself, then we are complete in and as our sexual selves. ---David Foxrich, Ph.D. In Touch for Men as quoted in Celebrate The Self, Jan.-Feb. 1997
A recent survey indicates that many women believe cervical cancer is punishment from God. The survey, conducted by University of California at Irvine researcher, F. Allan Hubbell, found that nearly 25 percent of Orange County women surveyed believe that cervical cancer is punishment from God for an immoral lifestyle. "There are women who believe that if you do something bad, something bad is going to happen to you," Hubbell said. "Women who believe that were less likely to use Pap smears than the women who didn't believe it." Hubbell said that the study, funded by the National Cancer Institute, reveals a need for better education that respects cultural and moral beliefs and incorporates them into discussions of cervical cancer. Talking about the sexual causes of cervical cancer without knowing the shame that some women attach to it can drive women away from testing, Hubbell said. The survey was based on telephone interviews with 1,225 Orange County (California) women 18 and older. (reported in Freedom Writer Magazine, Jan.- Feb. 1997)
"How fortunate it is for us all that it is somewhat unnatural for a human being to obey. Universal obedience is universal stagnation; disobedience is one of the conditions of progress." ---Robert Ingersoll
"Even more damaging [than patriarchal historians] to our sense of cultural history are moralist authors of whatever faith. All too often such writers judge a certain behavior or a particular image as rude, indecent, obscene, or immoral by their own contemporary rules or convictions. This is especially true with a subject such as sexuality. It is ironic that the same behavior or image that evokes such ire in the present is (or was) most likely sanctioned by the culture(s) being written about, is (was), on a more personal level, completely free of shame or guilt. Any behavior regarded as obscene today leads some authors to conclude that 'those people' of earlier epochs simply had no morals. It is important to realize that the true moralist is always a fundamentalist: it is simply not possible for him or her to understand the existence of varying moral constructs, or to recognize that the concepts of decency and obscenity not only are relative but may not have even existed in many earlier cultures." ---Rufas C. Camphausen in The Yoni: Sacred Symbol of Female Creative Power, p.8. Camphausesn also makes another excellent point two pages earlier: "...[lb]I[rb]n a time when 'political correctness' requires that one deny sexuality as something important, something to fully explore and celebrate, role models of deeply embodied sexuality are seldom discussed...."
Attempts to control thoughts by religious leaders are evident throughout history. In America that trend has increased in our schools to such an extent that this nation is rapidly becoming a source for laughter by those from other parts of the world. (See What Johnny Shouldn't Read: Textbook Censorship in America by Joan Delfattore; New Haven: Yale, 1992). The following instructions to Christian school librarians and administrators illustrates the lengths to which these people will go (from the April 1983 edition of the Christian School Builder, pp. 205- 207): "Encyclopedias are a vital part of many school libraries....[They] represent the philosophies of present day humanists. This is obvious by the bold display of pictures that are used to illustrate paintings, art, and sculpture....This makes it important that the materials we place before our children are free from...that which would inflame passion. [We] are not battling a plot that captivates minds but are looking for erroneous information, sensual pictures, and unchaste details....One of the areas that needs correction is immodesty due to nakedness and posture. This can be corrected by drawing clothes on the figures or blotting out entire pictures with a magic marker. This needs to be done with care or the magic marker can be erased from the glossy paper used in printing encyclopedias. You can overcome this by taking a razor blade and lightly scraping the surface until it loses its glaze. After this is done the magic marker will not erase. [Regarding evolution]...cutting out the sections is practical if the portions removed are not thick enough to cause damage to the spine of the book as it is opened and closed in normal use. When the sections needing correction are too thick, paste the pages together being careful not to smear portions of the book not needed for correction." [Reported in Skeptic magazine, Vol. 4 No. 4]
"What harm would it do, if a man told a good strong lie for the sake of the good and for the Christian church...a lie out of necessity, a useful lie, a helpful lie, such lies would not be against God, he would accept them." ---Martin Luther [From our viewpoint, this has become a matter of doctrine by Christian churches and their followers!]
Still curious? Sweden releases sex survey
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP)
Sweden, long on the front lines of the sexual revolution, is busily working to retain its title, according to a new nationwide survey of sexual behaviors. The government study, released May 20, 1997, finds that compared with 1967, when the last such survey was conducted, there's more of almost everything in Swedes' sex lives: more partners, more liaisons even more watching of pornographic movies.
The study found, for instance, that the median number of sexual partners for Swedes in a lifetime is about five for women and seven for men - up from 1.4 and 4.7, respectively, in 1967.
A similar study in the United States in 1994 found that the typical American man reported six sexual partners and the typical woman, two.
The Swedish study also reported an increase of about 26 percent in the frequency of sexual activity, with the average number of sexual encounters per month for those ages 18 to 60 rising from 5.4 to 6.8.
The study was conducted by the public health agency Folkhaelsoinstitutet. It surveyed 5,250 people ages 18 to 74. No margin of error was provided.
It was a blue movie, "I Am Curious (Yellow)," that for many was emblematic of Sweden's position at the vanguard of sexual liberation in the 1960s. At the time, Sweden, where sexual education in schools has been mandatory since the 1930s, seemed shockingly advanced to much of the West.
But in the last decade, the country has taken a turn away from public libertinism, banning live sex shows and restricting the profusion of pornography.
That, however, is not to say that Swedes have becomes prudish. Quite the contrary. In Sweden, aging is no impediment to sex. In 1967, 63 percent of those ages 51 to 55 reported having had sex in the previous month; the number rose to 80 percent in the current study.
One of the sharpest increases showed up in questions about pornography. Half the men and 20 percent of the women reported having watched a pornographic film within the past year, compared with about 21 percent and 13 percent, respectively, in 1967.
Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing---with "obscenity" and "indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place. ---Robert Heinlein in Time Enough for Love
Men who have active sex lives are more likely to live longer according to a new study done in Wales and reported in the latest issue of the British Medical Journal (reported by AP mid-Dec. 1997). During the past decade, researchers found that men who had sex less than once a month had twice the death rate of those who had sex at least twice a week. No distinction was made between sex with a partner and solo sex, however.
A study of 2,250 18 to 74-year-old men and women showed that you're likely to enjoy sex more if you have no sex hangups or negative religious influences, start early, think sex is important, have someone to love as well as have sex with, enjoy pornography, are sexually imaginative, and have lots of orgasms. Although the enjoyment of pornography in this study was primarily important to male respondents, previous studies have shown a dramatic increase in the use of sexually explicit materials by females. This current study was reported in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 26, No. 4, 1997.
On allowing a man to watch you masturbate: "Any activity that manages---without a hint of physical pain or violation---to reach this many dark and forbidden corners of our desire has got to be potent stuff, for both performer and audience. And that shift from partner to performance artist, and from lover to voyeur, demands a nerve and an intimacy above and beyond the everyday. No wonder it's so threatening---and such a turn-on---for both parties." ---Elizabeth Benedict, Esquire, Sept. 1997
Freud marked history and changed scientific thinking when he dealt with the question of how necessary sex is. He wrote volumes arguing that the motivation for all human behavior was based on sex. While I cannot support Freud's all-encompassing thesis on personality development, certainly one could argue that it is possible to survive without sex...or walks in the park, or music, or laughter, or the other sweet extras of living that are not primary biological needs. BUT WHY SHOULD YOU? ---Dr. Irene Kassorla in Nice Girls Do---And Now You Can Too!, Los Angeles: Stratford Press (1980)
Circumcision is criminal assault, ethicist says: One of Canada's leading medical ethicists says that circumcision of baby boys is technically criminal assault and that doctors should stop circumcising babies. "It's a bodily wounding on a tiny infant that has given no consent itself, and it is not a medically necessary [procedure]," thus intensifying debate over routine, non-medical male circumcision. Dr. Margaret Somerville, founding director of the McGill Center for Medicine, Ethics and Law, said Canadians should re-examine male circumcision with the same "open eyes" they used to assess female genital mutilation, now banned in Canada. "The onus," said Dr. Somerville, "is on parents to show that circumcision provides medical benefits. That issue has been the subject of three decades of furious scientific debate, and no consensus has emerged." (Reported in the National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers' 1998 annual report; www.nocirc.org)
Orgasm...is a natural, normal, healthy process. No woman should be prohibited from enjoying the joy of sexual release in her own individual way. It can be as it is for her to enjoy her work, children, environment, food, or recreational activities. It's just another potentially satisfying aspect of life. (p. 19) Masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about your sexual responses. Once you learn about how you respond---through stimulating yourself while free of outside distractions---you will be in a better position to shift your own body movement during love-making to achieve more pleasure or to teach your partner how to stimulate you in the manner that is most likely to lead you to sexual pleasure and eventually to orgasm. (p. 87) ---Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Ph.D., in For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality (Signet edition)
Child sexual abuse rarely does permanent harm: Temple University Psychology Professor Bruce Rind and Phillip Tromovitch of the Graduate School of Education at the University of Pennsylvania grew suspicious when they discovered that almost all the studies showing the damages caused by child sexual abuse are based on interviews with adults either being treated for mental and emotional problems or who have criminal records. All the studies reach virtually the same conclusion: child sexual abuse causes psychological harm across the board, and of a profoundly damaging nature. The researchers asked, in effect, "Would these people have ended up disturbed and law breakers anyway?" After much research, they found seven usable studies based on interviews with people in the general population---college students, those interviewed in random surveys, etc.---who had been sexually abused as children. Among the findings of the study, published in Vol. XXXIV, No. 3, 1997, of The Journal of Sex Research: (1) Approximately 11 percent of the males and 19 percent of females are sexually abused as children. (2) About two-thirds of girls and one-third of boys have negative responses to initial sexual contact with an adult. Interestingly, that same number---one-third---report the sexual activity was coerced. (About half the females report the same. Females were also three to four times more likely to be involved in an incestuous relationship, and they were younger.) (3)Four percent of males and 13 percent of females felt that they had been permanently harmed by their experiences of child sexual abuse. That compares to virtually all adult victims of child sexual abuse who are now in mental health or penal care. The researchers conclude, "This information suggests that, assuming a causal role for child sexual abuse, it affects a small portion of individuals in an intensely negative way but has a much smaller negative affect, if any, on most individuals." [Note: More information about this topic is available in Children's Sexual Encounters with Adults: A Scientific Study by C.K. Li, D.J. West & T.P. Woodhouse (Prometheus Press, 1993). British studies reprinted in the book examined sexual encounters between boys and adults. The results of the studies contradict commonly held beliefs. Based on their sample, the authors of the first study estimate that 1 in 5 men have had childhood sexual contact with an adult, with 1 in 8 men having had contact with adult males. Almost none of the sexual contacts that were uncovered involved a family member, and almost none involved threats or "significant" violence. Also, almost none of the study's subjects reported extremely negative reactions to or adverse effects from their childhood sexual encounters. The researchers conclude that "most such events appear to be relatively minor episodes with no particular consequences" (page 122). The author of a second study similarly concludes that while violent, brutal sexual assaults on children may grab the attention of the public, most sexual encounters between adults and children do not involve force. Both studies are quick to point out that these controversial conclusions are not meant to condone the idea of adult-child sex but, rather, to open up the possibility that there are different kinds of adult-child sex, not all of which are forceful or damaging, emotionally or physically. As C.K. Li writes, "Rather than rejecting a priori all forms of adult-child sexual contact as abuse and hence morally wrong, it might be more fruitful to study the continuum of adult-child sexuality, bearing in mind that there is a considerable grey area in this continuum" (page 314). A more politically incorrect suggestion is hard to imagine!
Research indicates that those under 18 in Canada, the Netherlands, Sweden, France, England and virtually every developed country in the world are able to engage in sexuality with far fewer pregnancy and disease outcomes than our [American] young people. It is our young people who are so poor at responsible sexuality; therefore it is vitally important that we find out why---and make some changes. (page 25) ...at age nine, 60 percent of the Swedish children, compared to only 4 percent of the North American children, listed enjoyment as a purpose of sexual intercourse! (page 48) [As revealed by an Australian study]...American children had the least and the longest delayed sex education of the four cultures [Australia, U.S.A., England and Sweden]. U.S. children also had the least adequate vocabulary with which to talk about sex. (page 49) Preparation of some sort is essential. Before they leave their teens about 80 percent of American youngsters will have had sexual intercourse. Our failure to take advantage of preadolescence to prepare our children for postadolescent sexuality is, in my view, a tragic attempt to avoid the erotic reality of our society. (page 47) ---Dr. Ira L. Reiss in An End to Shame: Shaping Our Next Sexual Revolution (Prometheus Books, 1990). Italics in original.
What seem to be sexual responses have been observed in infants immediately at birth, and specifically sexual responses, involving the full display of physiologic changes which are typical of the responses of an adult, have been observed in both female and male infants as young as four months of age.... Masturbation (self-stimulation) is an essentially normal and quite frequent phenomenon among many children, both female and male [and] is not infrequently the source of orgasm among small girls.... We have...records of observations made...on...pre-adolescent girls and pre-adolescent boys under four years of age.... Of the females in our sample, 27 percent recalled that they had been aroused erotically before the age of adolescence...48 percent of the adult females in the sample had recalled some sort of pre-adolescent sex play. ---Alfred Kinsey, et al., in Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, Saunders, 1953, pages 103-109)
In February 1998, Cambridge (England) University researcher Fiona Hunter, who studied penguins' mating habits for 5 years, reported that some females apparently allow male strangers to mate with them in exchange for a few nest-building stones, thus providing what Hunter believes is the first observed animal prostitution. According to Dr. Hunter, all activity was done behind the back of the female's regular mate, and in a few instances, after the sex act, johns gave the female additional stones as sort of a tip.
Sex is, always has been, and always will be, the first interest of all healthy men and women, and, let's add, boys and girls. And I see no reason for wanting to change such an attitude. It's healthy, it's warming, it's pleasant, it's interesting, it's really normal, it's intimate---and it's here to stay. Take sex out of art and literature and what'll you have left? Censors and suppressionists may thunder and bawl and scratch and scold, but they'll never suppress this interest nor will they ever suppress the literature that appeals to those who are curious about love and sex. The super-good people will never give up, I imagine, but they'll never win. They'll win skirmishes now and then, but the war will go to sex, always. ---E. Haldeman-Julius, My Second 25 Years 1949)
Since we were boys...coming of age preoccupied us. We watched for the least hint of pubic hair and offered it in public display. We showed off morning erections, ran contests to see whose erection could support the largest number of wet towels (the record was four). Yet the unwritten code that prevailed in that time and place stigmatized sex. Everyone masturbated but no one admitted it. Getting caught provoked months of merciless ridicule. Older boys, bullies, smacked you on the back of the head on the school bus, taunted you to tears. I only got caught once; I made sure I was never caught again. I was a frightened child anyway---bookish, anxious, escapist, desperately lonely. Self-stimulation transported me to an inward place of altered consciousness that I could populate with sensation. Miraculously, my body could generate pleasure out of itself.... ---Richard Rhodes in Making Love: An Erotic Odyssey (1992)
....Western science has recently confirmed that orgasm is as much a state of mind as a state of body. And the state of your mind has much to do with what you learn. Back in 1939, anthropologist Margaret Mead demonstrated how much orgasm is dependent on cultural expectations. She compared two neighboring peoples living on the Pacific island of New Guinea. The Mundugumor believed that women have orgasms, whereas their neighbors the Arapash did not. Not surprisingly, most Mundugumor women were orgasmic, whereas most Arapash women were not. Given the importance of cultural permission for pleasure, many women around the globe and throughout history have had their orgasmic potential limited by societal expectations. Women generally have one of two kinds of orgasmic problems. If you have never had an orgasm, you are preorgasmic. If you orgasm on some occasions but not others, by yourself but not with a partner, or with some partners but not others, you are situationally orgasmic. Almost all women who are preorgasmic can learn to have orgasms fairly easily. The most important factor is a willingness to learn to pleasure yourself and to take charge of your pleasure during lovemaking. ---Mantak Chia & Douglas Abrams Arava in The Multi-Orgasmic Man (1996), page 167-168 in the chapter "Satisfaction Guaranteed for Women" written in conjunction with Rachel Carlton Arava, M.D.
...Research has shown that for many women, the easiest and strongest orgasms occur during self-pleasuring, or masturbation. For women who have not yet experienced orgasm, masturbation often provides the kind of stimulation most likely to lead to feelings of arousal and orgasm. Since masturbation is a good way to experience frequent orgasms, it gives the orgasmic response a chance to become well established. Blood flow to the genitals increases as your body learns this new skill. This means that orgasm is more and more likely to occur. Also, the more orgasms you have, the more comfortable you will feel about trusting yourself and letting your feelings flow. There is another, less obvious value in trying masturbation. It emphasizes a very important and very basic fact: Your body belongs first of all to you. Unless you can develop some kind of sense that your body is your territory (which you can choose to give as a gift, share, or keep to yourself), you cannot freely give it in a sexual interaction with another person. It will seem that the other person already owns it, and when that occurs you are less likely to feel you have the right to say yes or no to sex, less likely to help guide the sexual interaction, less likely to try sexual activities that interest you, and even less likely to know what you want sexually. In fact, if your body belongs to your partner, so will your pleasure, your pain, your arousal, and eventually your orgasms. That's a lot of power and responsibility to place with another person, and it is a setup for both your and your partner's disappointment. So, in a way, masturbation is only a method for claiming your body and its responses as your own, as part of you. Yet, knowing the "facts" and all the advantages to be gained does not necessarily make it easy for women to overcome feelings about masturbation that have been ingrained since childhood. Often these feelings and attitudes are the result of misinformation and myths about the supposed harms of masturbation. Perhaps you've been taught that masturbation is immature ---something that one does as a child but shouldn't do as an adult or after marriage. Actually, masturbation is something that many mature people engage in from time to time, married or not. Rather than being "abnormal," masturbation is just another frequent and natural expression of sexuality. Most men and women masturbate at some time during their lives. Contrary to old beliefs, masturbation does not cause psychological or physical harm. Rather, it provides a healthy release for sexual tension, and it can be a good opportunity to learn about (and keep in touch with) your sexuality. People often express the concern that masturbating will reduce their desire for sex with their partner. There is no psychological evidence for this belief, since most people would prefer to share sex with someone they feel sexual toward than to masturbate alone. There is also no physiological basis for this belief, since achieving orgasm through masturbation is no more "draining" than an orgasm achieved through intercourse or some other activity with a partner. In fact, studies have shown that masturbation can have a positive influence on sexual relationships with a partner. It has been found that women who are orgasmic through any means before marriage, including masturbation, often have less difficulty experiencing orgasm with their partners after marriage. Women who have no orgasmic experience have more difficulty becoming orgasmic with their partners. Finally, women sometimes express the fear that they will become dependent on masturbation ---that they will want to masturbate too much or to experience orgasm only in this way. In our experience seeing women in therapy, there is no such thing as "too much" sex. Sexual pleasure is self-limiting. Women are usually able to use what they learn through masturbation to enrich the quality of their sexual relationships with their partners. Because they are more aware of their bodies and their own sexual responsiveness, these women usually become orgasmic through other forms of stimulation, such as manual caressing by their partners and oral-genital sex..... ---Julia R. Heiman, Ph.D., and Joseph Lopiccolo, Ph.D., in Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women (Simon & Schuster, revised paperback edition 1992, pages 56-57)
Author: Dave, SoloTouch's Original Webmaster Author Comments: Every Woman Deserves a Lifetime Filled With Orgasmic Pleasure! Never had an orgasm? Don't know where to start in your search for orgasms? Do you have orgasms, but find they are unpredictable and often just don't "happen?" If so, you're part of the unfortunate majority of women who have orgasmic problems B those who have never had an orgasm or those who find that their sexual pleasure is an unpredictable challenge. (Shere Hite in her Hite Report, A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality estimates 70% of women have irregular orgasms or none at all.) Although this short article can't provide the step-by-step instructions on how to achieve your first orgasm or guide you to develop your orgasmic potential to its fullest, it will give you concrete information on where you can go to acquire those skills. Information IS out there and this article will direct you to it. Follow the steps given below, consult the resources listed, and you WILL be having the orgasms you seek! First of all, any woman can learn to become orgasmic. There are almost no women who are unable to have orgasms because of some defect in their body. The female clitoris, the organ largely responsible for the orgasm, is fully functional in virtually every woman and, interestingly, that little powerhouse organ is the only creation of nature designed for only one purpose---sensations of bodily pleasure. It seems a waste to not use it for its intended purpose, and enjoy it often. But female orgasms are different than those men experience. They are more complex and the process to bring them on for most women is not nearly as automatic as it is with men. Being more psychologically rooted than male orgasms, the female climax is much more susceptible to psychological inhibiting factors. But the payoff for women who learn to have orgasms is far greater than it is for men because the female potential for sexual pleasure is many times larger than it is for men. The learning process necessary to gain orgasmic skills is worth the effort and will provide a lifetime of pleasure, relaxation, heightened self-esteem, reduced stress and a whale of a lot of fun! Before getting down to the "bare facts," let me briefly explain why I'm writing and posting this. Each month, we at the Solotouch Website get many frantic emails from women of all ages B from teenagers to older women B asking for help (via email!) with their orgasmic difficulties. Frankly, I just can't keep up with the volume of mail from women who sincerely need help and reassurance. So, this article is born. I trust it will send these people to the right places so they can get the answers they need. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a spot on the Internet where there is a step-by-step set of suggestions/instructions to women who are experiencing orgasm problems. Those who consult the books and videos below will find those detailed instructions. Also, I need to express appreciation to the many women who have answered our plea for written descriptions of techniques that have been helpful to them in achieving orgasmic success. These responses are all available on this Solotouch site: See all of our Female Techniques here. They are an invaluable resource. My first instruction to women reading this essay is to go back and read, or re-read, the contributions from other women contained on this site. That fun exercise should give you some reassurance that what you are seeking is okay and that it is achievable. Who knows, you might pick up enough tips there to solve your current orgasmic difficulties. And if you have a story of your own to tell, especially a success story after reading and working on the suggestions offered here, please write them down and send them in. All of this information will be a great help to other women. A typical email we receive at Solotouch is from a woman who describes her physical and emotional responses to masturbation, followed by a statement something like this: "I don't know if this is an orgasm. Do you think I've experienced a climax?" Women describe their climaxes differently. And, indeed, as most orgasmic women can tell you, orgasms are not always alike. Some are explosive, others are quiet. "It all depends...." The book definition of "orgasm" is "the peak, or climax, of sexual excitement and pleasure during which ejaculation of semen occurs in the male and vaginal contractions in the female. The peak period is accompanied by increased heart rate and blood pressure, a mild clouding of consciousness, and release of tension." There is also an intense wave of highly pleasurable sensations concentrated in the pubic area the intensity of which can vary from orgasm to orgasm. Author Rachel Swift (in her excellent book How to Have An Orgasm...As Often As You Want) describes an orgasm as "a few brief moments leading up to the highest peak of sexual desire, followed by a pleasurable, perhaps overwhelming, sense of release. Orgasmic sensations are concentrated in the genitals but ... radiate to all parts of the body. Many people experience a corresponding wave of emotion." Masturbation's the Key! As you've perhaps already guessed (being a visitor to the Solotouch website), masturbation is a key in learning to become orgasmic. Virtually every guide to building female orgasmic skills includes masturbation as the primary instructional technique. As Swift says, "The foundation stone of your sexual progress is learning to achieve orgasm on your own. It is the easiest part, and it is also extremely pleasurable." And Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Ph.D., in For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality, writes that "Masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about your sexual responses. Once you learn about how you respond---through stimulating yourself while free of outside distractions---you will be in a better position to shift your own body movement during love-making to achieve more pleasure or to teach your partner how to stimulate you in the manner that is most likely to lead you to sexual pleasure and eventually to orgasm." Interestingly, sex researcher Kinsey found that almost all women who masturbate can do so to orgasm. So, learning how to have a climax is learning how to produce one for yourself, hence Barbach's book title, "For Yourself." But learning how to generate your own orgasm takes some fun experimentation and practice. Where should you start? At the mirror! Many therapists recommend this, and they have devised numerous exercises which are outlined in their writings. But for this short article I'll mention only one: getting to know your genitals. It is amazing to learn that many women have never bothered to look at their genitals in a mirror. They have no idea what their lover sees when he or she looks between their legs. Many women don't know where their clitoris is B and in order to achieve an orgasm, that's one address you'll need to locate! It's recommended that you find a private spot with good lighting where you won't be disturbed B your bedroom or the bathroom should work well. If you have a full-length mirror, that's good. Also use a hand mirror. When nude, lay or sit back, bend your knees and spread them wide. Situate the hand mirror so you can see your genitals clearly. Observe their exterior shape then, with your fingers, spread open your outer lips. See the beauty of your inner lips. Find your clitoris at the top of your vulva; feel it where it emerges and travels down under its hood until it surfaces just above your vaginal opening. Now spread open your inner lips (labia), exposing your vaginal opening and the urethral opening. A part of being successful with orgasms is appreciating your genitals, enjoying their appearance, marveling in how they function and relishing the sensations they provide, free of charge. While you examine yourself, experiment with different touches to see what sensations they evoke. If you happen upon a movement or touch that you find enjoyable, repeat it. There's no need to be goal (orgasm) oriented at this point; just spend some time getting to know yourself, and repeat this exercise often. If you should play long enough and correctly enough to lead to an orgasm, great! But if you're new to masturbation, it is probably best to just take your time. Don't forget to explore other sensitive parts of your body as well---your breasts, thighs, tummy, buttocks, etc. Learning to become orgasmic (or learning to improve your orgasm skills) doesn't need to cost anything; many women have launched their experimentation on their own and achieved marvelous success (reading the testimonials on this website is evidence of that). But for anything as important as achieving sexual control and satisfaction, it may pay to spend a little money for some aids that will help assure your success. This is especially true for the woman who has never had an orgasm and finds it difficult to get past the psychological barriers that hinder her sensations. The items I'm going to recommend for purchase are books; videos; toys and vibrators; and lubricants. Pick and choose from those things listed below; any or all of them are well worth the money when you consider the enjoyment that is in store for you. After all, you wouldn't think of learning how to swim without some lessons, a swim suit (although in some places that might be optional!), a pool, etc. Nor could you learn to cook without a range, a few pots and pans, and a cookbook. Becoming orgasmic is no different. Sexual pleasure for women usually doesn't just happen, presto, without some coaxing and some instruction. Make an investment in yourself; you ARE worth it! Books On this Website we have an extensive bibliography that lists many titles pertaining to masturbation and sexuality in general. Here I'll selectively list those titles that have step-by-step instructions on how to achieve female orgasms. Some are better than others so you might want to pick up a couple in order to find one that is best suited to you. By all means secure at least one and follow its instructions. You will be surprised by your success! Amazon.com has all of these available. - How to Have An Orgasm...As Often As You Want by Rachel Swift (N.Y., Carroll & Graf Publishers, 1993; originally published in England by Pan Books Limited as Women's Pleasure). This is my first choice. Swift (a pseudonym for Dido Davies) isn't a sex therapist; she's a woman like you who had orgasm problems and decided to do something about it. Her book records her success and gives instructions on how you can repeat that success. It's witty and fun to read. One reader from New Zealand wrote, "Certainly worked for me. The style is relaxed and easy to read, and made me feel that I wasn't the only women in the world experiencing (or not!) these things. I recommend it highly, my lover (male) also found it useful." Another reader, in Boston, wrote, "This book is very straight and to the point. All the questions you could possibly have, have been answered. Very informative for those who don't know about female orgasms or those who think they know. Great for male readers-it gives them a very clear idea on where the most sensitive area is on a woman and how to touch her correctly and rhythmically to bring her to the most rewarding outcome. Great for women who have never had an orgasm who want to learn in private to make their mates eye open with surprise! Could not put it down-a must read for beginners..." So, there you have it! An excellent guide for a lifetime of intimate pleasure---either when alone or with a partner. - For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Ph.D. (Various editions have come out since the book was first printed in 1975; I have the inexpensive Signet paperback). There is an obvious reason this book has remained in print constantly for 25 years; it is excellent. And because it has been around for so long, it is readily available in stores selling used books (if you are on a budget). Unlike Swift, above, Barbach is a sex therapist if you want to get your advice from an "expert." - The Woman's Book of Orgasm: A Guide to the Ultimate Sexual Pleasure by Tara Barker (Citadel Press, 1998). - How to Have Multiple Orgasms - (Kindle version) by Janalee Beck (Avon, 1993). Once you've discovered how to have an orgasm whenever you want, you will probably want to "advance" to the next stage B multiple orgasms. Unlike men, women can often experience a string of orgasms and this guide shows you how to do that. - Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson (N.Y., Harmony Books, 1987). Betty's book is the classic on masturbation for women. It is readily available everywhere in the U.S. and it is excellent. See the reference to her videos below. - Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman and Joseph Lopiccolo (Simon & Schuster, 1988). For women who are having trouble achieving orgasms, this is one of the most recommended guides. - Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen (San Francisco, Down There Press, 1995). While this book doesn't have instructions on how to become orgasmic, it is a fantastic guide to overcoming many inhibitions which are limitations to sexual fulfillment. - Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love - For Women Only by D. Claire Hutchins. - Woman's Orgasm : A Guide to Sexual Satisfaction by G. K. Graber, et al. I haven't read these last two titles but they are available. Videos: Perhaps the best way for you to learn if your own sensations are really orgasms is to observe another woman experiencing a complete orgasm. Luckily, that can be easily and tastefully done with videos that I wholeheartedly recommend: - The first is Celebrating Orgasm; Women's Private Self-loving Sessions" which has be re-released as Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop by the sex therapist Dr. Betty Dodson (see her book listed above). On that video you will see and hear Betty "coaching" several different women on how to achieve satisfying orgasms through various masturbation techniques. AND you will see each of them climax before your eyes. I am sure you will learn a lot that will enhance your own sexual experiences---either experiences while alone or with a partner. - The second video which is a must-see for women wanting to learn all about vibrators is sex therapist Carol Queen's excellent one-hour tape---"Great Vibrations: An Explicit Guide to Vibrators." This instructional video should answer any and all questions about masturbation with vibrators for both men and women. Carol not only shows and talks about the vibrators, but she strips and demonstrates their use. And they work! Carol's frequent on-screen orgasms prove that. All told, Carol's "show and tell" session demonstrates about two dozen different vibrators. She incorporates a considerable amount of information about the variety of female sexual anatomy and arousal, lubrication and safety tips. Her frank discussion about female ejaculation and demonstration of this will convince anyone that female ejaculation is not only possible but also a fantastic experience to try for. By all means consider ordering one or both of the above videos, however, because the visual and verbal quest you will receive should prove to be invaluable in your quest for orgasmic pleasure. Vibrators and Toys: In the two videos above, you will see the most-often recommended vibrator demonstrated: the Hitachi Magic Wand electric vibrator. It seems to be the favorite for many women. Don't think vibrators are a bad thing. For many women they will help bring about an orgasm which fingers never could do. You don't have to feel inadequate if you come to rely upon a device for your orgasms and you don't have to fear becoming dependent upon them if you make efforts to stimulate orgasms through other means as well. Vibrators come in many shapes and sizes; Masturbation101.com has a complete line. The Hitachi is also available at many drug and department stores. It costs a bit but it will be worth the investment. Many women like to masturbate with dildos or other objects. There is a wide variety of these items available; again we recommend Good Vibrations as a source if you don't have a store nearby which sells them. In many big cities in the U.S. and Europe there are "love boutiques" that specialize in lingerie, lotions, marriage aids and other sex-related items. Shop there for dildos and other toys as well. Lubricants and Lotions: While the vagina naturally generates lubrication during sexual arousal, sometimes the amount of lubrication is inadequate or it is learned that the addition of other lubricants enhances the sexual experience. What should you use? There is a variety of personal lubricants on the market, the most popular being those that are water-based for non-sticky use and easy wash-up. Love boutiques and adult stores generally sell several brands and these are also available through Masturbation101's Lube section. However, almost any drug store usually sells several brands that are very good. Look for Astro-Glide, K-Y (either in a tube or in liquid form in a small plastic bottle), or H-R Personal Lubricant (tube). These brands, and others, are generally in the section displaying other personal products and contraceptives (condoms) or next to the feminine hygiene products. These over-the-counter personal lubricants are inexpensive and if you haven't tried them, I encourage you to do so. They tend to enhance sensitivity and they allow either fingers or objects used during masturbation to slip and slide without irritating friction. Liberal use of lubricants is essential for anal play and they may reduce discomfort during intercourse if you are short on natural vaginal moisture (this is especially a concern for post-menopausal women). In Closing... Surveys have shown that almost all women who have not experienced orgasm want to. Take your quest for sexual pleasure seriously. Sexual satisfaction is not only good for you, it is an important part of who you are and what you wish to become. Explore your body, study the resources we've listed, and indulge yourself as much as possible. You are a worthwhile person and there is no rational reason why you have to be without a full and enriching sexual life---regardless of whether you have a partner now or not. And don't forget us here at Solotouch. We want you to achieve success! Share your success story with others. While we do not have the resources to communicate personally with everyone who writes to us, we do want to post the narratives sent in about satisfactory masturbatory experiences. These are on the Web in order to provide encouragement and instruction to the tens of thousands of women who regularly access this site. Finally, good luck! And enjoy yourself (often)!! ---Dave, Solotouch's original Webmaster
Several years ago I learned that by getting extremely close to the threshold of ejaculatory inevitability, then halting all stimulation, then getting "close" again repeatedly, I would achieve a continuous plateau stage with frequent partial orgasms. The resultant intensity of pleasure is possibly one half that felt in a full ejaculatory orgasm but potentially unending. Furthermore, the associated sexual organs exercise, and the learned ability to better control those organs mentally, has greatly increased the scope and persuasiveness of my sexual pleasure. It is my opinion that I have learned to enhance and maintain indefinitely the physical events and associated pleasure of an absolutely imminent ejaculatory orgasm. Feelings of pleasure are augmented by greater loin vasocongestion, and sexual organ fluid fullness and readiness. The following discussion attempts to teach men how to achieve a continuous orgasm, and to explain the physiological basis of this phenomenon.
My discovery of the continuous orgasm was accidental, but recounting the event may help others separate their orgasm and ejaculatory experiences. The first time I experienced the potential of this technique I was masturbating while stoned on pot. Stimulation to my penis felt somewhat dulled. I got close to cumming but sensed that my orgasm was going to be weak, so I stopped all stimulation, knowing that I could build up to a better orgasm. When I was able to resume penile stimulation I noticed the pleasure of touching my penis was greater...so I came close to cumming again and again...and it felt better and better. Possibly five "close calls" later, my prostate had swollen and my seminal vesicles hardened and discharged but no semen flowed into my urethra. Pot seems to broaden the threshold between my orgasm emissions phase and the ejaculatory reflex. Intense pleasure emanated from my testes, which were swollen and drawn under the tissue aside my penis. Possibly forty minutes into this routine my loin muscles began to ache, so I proceeded to the most intensely pleasurable orgasm and high quantity ejaculation I had ever had! Long afterward my loins continued to radiate an enjoyable ache. I had given all my sexual organ muscles a hearty exercising. I eagerly anticipated my next masturbation session, with delay dictated by my need to reload with semen.
I no longer use, nor do I advocate the use of pot because of its damaging effect on the lungs. Possibly marijuana brownies will do the trick. Again, pot use helped me control and broaden the threshold of ejaculatory inevitability, thus facilitating the learning of the continuous orgasm. Pot use also has a strong aphrodisiac effect when I entertained myself in this pre-ejaculation orgasm stage. Feelings of pleasure (sex munchies) are enhanced. For several months, without pot, I rarely achieved intense orgasm feelings without eliciting a few spasmodic pumping throbs and ejaculating small amounts of seminal fluid. With practice though, use of pot is not necessary to enjoy an orgasm without ejaculation. Practice results in discoveries of higher degrees of sexual pleasure and sensations, so it is easy to exercise!
At this point I would like to discuss the physiology of the male ejaculatory orgasm. Reference books describe the event in stages involving sexual organ vasocongestion, rising to the plateau stage, then the orgasm which consists of internal sexual organ emissions and the ejaculation reflex response. Actually, events beyond the plateau phase can be broken into many additional stages. My first sensations come from my testes, which draw up into my body. When men first sense the arrival of their orgasm, those feelings emanate from the epididymis and the spermatic cords which contract and spasm to move sperm up the ductus (vas) deferns into the ampullary gland or ampulla. The ampulla filling with sperm accentuates sexual stimulation pleasure. Continued penile stimulation soon triggers a hardening of the seminal vesicles which discharge fluid into the ampulla then into the ejaculatory ducts. Sufficient pressure quickly builds in the ejaculatory ducts to trigger a hardening of the prostate, which discharges directly into the urethra. Ejaculation is inevitable once the prostate hardens. Finally, the valves at the ends of the ejaculatory ducts open simultaneously with the initiation of the ejaculation reflex. Semen discharged from the penis comes in a distinct sequence of partially mixed emissions: 1.prostatic fluid (10%); 2. sperm (5%) and ampullary gland fluid (10%); 3. seminal fluid (70%) and again; 4. prostatic fluid (5%).
Note that there are valves at the ends of the ejaculatory ducts and that fluids pressure triggers the ejaculation reflex. I evidently orgasm and discharge sperm, ampullary gland, and seminal vesicle fluid into the ejaculatory ducts without triggering ejaculation or the opening those valves. I have trained myself to lock the ejaculatory duct valves closed during these emissions. The key is WHEN YOU GET VERY CLOSE TO EJACULATORY INEVITABILITY COMPLETELY RELAX ALL SEXUAL ORGAN MUSCLES, AND CEASE STIMULATION TO THE PENIS. This muscle relaxation locks the ejaculatory ducts valves closed, even as the seminal vesicles proceed to harden and discharge. Ampullary gland fluid, sperm and seminal fluid pressure builds behind the duct valves. Stopping stimulation to the penis halts the orgasmic emissions pressure driven progression to the ejaculation reflex.
With experience and exercise, I have raised the pressure level required to trigger the ejaculation reflex response. I sense exactly how much more pressure can build before crossing the threshold to ejaculatory inevitability. My orgasms are stronger and ultimately continuous without triggering ejaculation. My seminal vesicles harden right after I have nearly cum; hence they are almost constantly hard and discharging. My prostate swells without hardening, currently to about just half as much during a full ejaculatory orgasm. Every approach to ejaculation increases the amount of fluid held in the ampulla, with an associated increase in pleasure and passion of sexual readiness.
The presence of sperm, ampullary gland, and seminal fluid in my ejaculatory ducts is evidenced sensations I can produce after nearly cumming. Shortly after ceasing stimulation I can contract my bulbospongiosus muscle and thereby press on my prostate and feel the fluids being pushed back up into the ampulla and seminal vesicles. This feeling of fluid movement and fullness is very pleasurable. I can stop masturbating, and hours (days) later still feel the semen in my loins eager for release. My testes also feel full and are slightly sensitive to jostling.
Notice my descriptions of the physical changes to internal sexual organs that occur during an orgasm and ejaculation. By placing a middle finger into your rectum the hardening of the seminal vesicles and prostate can be palpitated digitally. Softly massaging the prostate and ampulla when they are gorged from orgasmic filling is pleasurable. The ampullary gland is the triangular organ, point facing downward, that lies just above the prostate.
Four final observations can be made. First, it seems that over time my sexual organs and/or testes are producing more sperm. I easily cum twice daily (at 41 years old), and after just 48 hours of abstinence fluids build up to a sense of fullness that demands release. That sense of fullness comes from my testes. Secondly, I can generate a strong feeling of sexual excitement mentally at will. I am able to elicit a feeling of sexual rush at will, by mentally inducing contractions in my epididymis and spermatic cord causing sperm movement up my ductus (vas) deferens. The sperm rising to fill my ampullary gland raises my level of sexual excitement. My scrotum and spermatic cords move my testes around when I generate these pleasure sensations. Thirdly, I an now working on maintaining orgasms without stimulation to my penis. Once a high degree of fluid pressure has accumulated behind the ejaculatory ducts valves, I can induce contractions in my epididymis and spermatic cord thereby generate sexual stimulation. This stimulation maintains my continuous orgasm and can trigger the ejaculatory reflex. Finally, my forth observation is that the ability to enjoy orgasms while delaying ejaculation makes me a better lover. I am in no hurry, my partner is excited by my level of readyness and periodic dry penile throbs. I am satisfied and concentrate on giving pleasure.[/p]
PRACTICE GUIDE TO THE CONTINUOUS MALE ORGASM
Learn to enhance and maintain indefinitely the physiological events and associated pleasure of the emissions phase of an absolutely imminent ejaculatory orgasm! Just follow this step-by-step practice guide:
I. "STOP AND GO" MASTURBATING
When you begin to feel an orgasms approach, cease all penile stimulation. Let your level of excitement drop slightly, then approach another orgasm. Repeat this "stop and go" approach to an orgasm at least five times. Notice that stimulation to your penis feels better and better. On the sixth approach bear down hard with your bulbospongiosus (piss stopper) muscle but slow down your stroking as you reach the point of no return. The reduced stimulation to the penis permits the pleasure of sexual organ emissions drive you to the full ejaculatory orgasm. Notice the increased volume and intensity of your orgasm.
Learn to resist the temptation of the orgasm; just as your penis feels really great to stroke...stop. You will discover that the avoidance of immediate pleasure will bring greater pleasure.
Strengthen your sexual organ muscles.
Increase your mental control over orgasms.
Learn to measure the approach of your orgasm.
Feel the emissions phase as separate from the ejaculatory phase of an orgasm.
II. RECTAL MONITOR
Practice the Stop and Go technique. When you are ready to orgasm lube up your middle finger and stick it up your butt! Feel around your prostate (walnut sized organ one inch past your anus) then put your finger all the way in, past the prostate. With your finger probing above the prostate proceed to orgasm.
Learn how good it feels to massage your prostate and ampullary gland.
Feel how your internal sex organs harden during an orgasm. The ampullary gland is felt when hard as triangular just above the prostate. The seminal vesicles are the firm cords running down into the ampullary gland.
III. RELAXATION WHEN CLOSE:
Practice Stop and Go approaches to an orgasm, but try to get a little closer to the point of no return. When you get close, stop stroking your penis and completely relax all sex muscles. Concentrate especially on relaxing your bulbospongiosus (piss stopper) muscle. Let your level of excitement drop, but less so, before resuming the approach to another orgasm. Relax completely each time you are near an orgasm and stop sexual stimulation. Notice that relaxation helps to extinguish the orgasm feelings.
Learn to resist the lure of an orgasm which is now closer. You must relax just when your piss stopper muscle would naturally bear down, and stop stroking just when it feel really good.
Learn to more quickly resume penile stimulation after stopping.
Learn to get closer and closer to ejaculatory inevitability without passing that threshold.
IV. CLOSE RELAX CLOSE RELAX SO CLOSE
Build up your level of sexual excitement first with at least five stop and go sessions, then try to get REAL CLOSE to an orgasm and RELAX all sex organ muscles. Get so close that you would have triggered an orgasm if you had not become fully relaxed. Your mission is continue to feel the orgasms approach for a few seconds even though you are not stimulating your penis. The lure to stroke yourself is very strong at this point but resist! With practice you will briefly enter the sex organs emissions phase without ejaculating. Relaxing will suppress your ejaculatory reflex response and help keep semen retained behind the ejaculatory ducts valves. Semen pressure will build in the ampullary gland. A soft finger massage of the prostate and ampullary gland once they are gorged from emissions is pleasurable.
Learn to resist the lure of an orgasm you have actually begun. The temptation to continue stroking yourself is very strong at this point.
Practice this exercise until you enter the emissions phase fully relaxed. Your seminal vesicles will harden and discharge into your ampullary gland, but no fluid will leak into your urethra.
Observe how much better penile stimulation feels when your sex organs are gorged with sperm, ampullary gland, and seminal fluids.
V. SEMINAL VESICLES HARD FIVE TIMES
Build up sexual tension with several close stop and go's, then proceed to approach the threshold of the ejaculatory reflex. Be careful to cease stimulation and relax fully just as you begin to enter the emissions phase of your orgasm. Sometimes at this point your seminal vesicles will harden. Let your excitement wane, then come close to the point of no return again. Practice reaching the ejaculatory reflex threshold so that you harden your seminal vesicles at least five times. Semen will accumulate each time the seminal vesicles harden. Now contract your bulbospongiosus (piss stopper) muscle and feel semen push back up into the ampullary gland...FEELS GOOD! Notice the increased quantity of semen ejaculated when you finally cum.
Build up semen pressure behind your ejaculatory ducts valves.
Manipulate the fluid in your internal sex organs.
Learn to harden your seminal vesicle without causing penile contractions or leaking semen.
VI. RESIST THE ULTIMATE TEMPTATION
Gorge your internal sex organs with semen, reaching seminal vesicle hardening at least five times then stop...take out the trash or something. Be careful to protect your tender balls. Let your level of excitement drop completely, then resume the seminal vesicle hardening. Be very careful to build up your excitement slowly with a few stop and go's before attempting a seminal vesicle hardening. Proceeding too fast can cause uncomfortable leakage of semen.
Learn how much excitement is required before attempting a seminal vesicle hardening.
Stop your masturbation session for at least two hours. You will be totally horny. Resist the lure! Try to spend one night with your sex organs gorged.
Gain complete control of when you have an ejaculatory orgasm.
VII. SO CLOSE CONTINUOUSLY
Build up to five seminal vesicle hardenings, relax and fill your ejaculatory ducts, then contract your piss stopper muscle and push the semen up into your ampullary gland.
Get as close to your ejaculatory orgasm as you can without crossing the reflex response threshold. Now practice close-relax-harden-contract, and again close-relax-harden-contract repeatedly, in rapid succession. Ultimately, you will enter a state of nearly continuous relaxed muscle orgasm emission phases. Your swollen testes and throbbing spermatic cords will orgasm. Orgasm emission pleasure from your ampullary gland are amplified by the accumulating fluid and especially fluid pressure in your ejaculatory ducts. The rapid succession of emissions orgasms becomes a continuous orgasm with ejaculation.
Learn to harden your seminal vesicles at will.
Learn to harden your seminal vesicles in rapid succession.
Practice staying very close to an ejaculatory orgasm, almost continuously feeling a hardening of your seminal vesicles.
Hold your orgasm at the continuous emissions phase endlessly.
Learn to maintain your emissions orgasm mentally; by concentrating on producing emissions, enough pleasure can be generated to perpetuate those emissions...without penile stimulation!
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