Never had an orgasm? Don't know where to start in your search for orgasms? Do you have orgasms, but find they are unpredictable and often just don't "happen?"

If so, you're part of the unfortunate majority of women who have orgasmic problems B those who have never had an orgasm or those who find that their sexual pleasure is an unpredictable challenge. (Shere Hite in her Hite Report, A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality estimates 70% of women have irregular orgasms or none at all.)

Although this short article can't provide the step-by-step instructions on how to achieve your first orgasm or guide you to develop your orgasmic potential to its fullest, it will give you concrete information on where you can go to acquire those skills. Information IS out there and this article will direct you to it. Follow the steps given below, consult the resources listed, and you WILL be having the orgasms you seek!

First of all, any woman can learn to become orgasmic. There are almost no women who are unable to have orgasms because of some defect in their body. The female clitoris, the organ largely responsible for the orgasm, is fully functional in virtually every woman and, interestingly, that little powerhouse organ is the only creation of nature designed for only one purpose—sensations of bodily pleasure. It seems a waste to not use it for its intended purpose, and enjoy it often.

But female orgasms are different than those men experience. They are more complex and the process to bring them on for most women is not nearly as automatic as it is with men. Being more psychologically rooted than male orgasms, the female climax is much more susceptible to psychological inhibiting factors. But the payoff for women who learn to have orgasms is far greater than it is for men because the female potential for sexual pleasure is many times larger than it is for men. The learning process necessary to gain orgasmic skills is worth the effort and will provide a lifetime of pleasure, relaxation, heightened self-esteem, reduced stress and a whale of a lot of fun!

Before getting down to the "bare facts," let me briefly explain why I'm writing and posting this. Each month, we at the Solo Touch Website get many frantic emails from women of all ages B from teenagers to older women B asking for help (via email!) with their orgasmic difficulties. Frankly, I just can't keep up with the volume of mail from women who sincerely need help and reassurance. So, this article is born. I trust it will send these people to the right places so they can get the answers they need. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a spot on the Internet where there is a step-by-step set of suggestions/instructions to women who are experiencing orgasm problems. Those who consult the books and videos below will find those detailed instructions.

Also, I need to express appreciation to the many women who have answered our plea for written descriptions of techniques that have been helpful to them in achieving orgasmic success. These responses are all available on this Solo Touch site: See the current month's Female Techniques, and older ones in the Archive. They are an invaluable resource. My first instruction to women reading this essay is to go back and read, or re-read, the contributions from other women contained on this site. That fun exercise should give you some reassurance that what you are seeking is okay and that it is achievable. Who knows, you might pick up enough tips there to solve your current orgasmic difficulties. And if you have a story of your own to tell, especially a success story after reading and working on the suggestions offered here, please write them down and send them in. All of this information will be a great help to other women.

A typical email we receive at Solo Touch is from a woman who describes her physical and emotional responses to masturbation, followed by a statement something like this: "I don't know if this is an orgasm. Do you think I've experienced a climax?" Women describe their climaxes differently. And, indeed, as most orgasmic women can tell you, orgasms are not always alike. Some are explosive, others are quiet. "It all depends...." The book definition of "orgasm" is "the peak, or climax, of sexual excitement and pleasure during which ejaculation of semen occurs in the male and vaginal contractions in the female. The peak period is accompanied by increased heart rate and blood pressure, a mild clouding of consciousness, and release of tension." There is also an intense wave of highly pleasurable sensations concentrated in the pubic area the intensity of which can vary from orgasm to orgasm. Author Rachel Swift (in her excellent book How to Have An Orgasm...As Often As You Want) describes an orgasm as "a few brief moments leading up to the highest peak of sexual desire, followed by a pleasurable, perhaps overwhelming, sense of release. Orgasmic sensations are concentrated in the genitals but ... radiate to all parts of the body. Many people experience a corresponding wave of emotion."

Masturbation's the Key!

As you've perhaps already guessed (being a visitor to the Solo Touch website), masturbation is a key in learning to become orgasmic. Virtually every guide to building female orgasmic skills includes masturbation as the primary instructional technique. As Swift says, "The foundation stone of your sexual progress is learning to achieve orgasm on your own. It is the easiest part, and it is also extremely pleasurable." And Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Ph.D., in For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality, writes that "Masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about your sexual responses. Once you learn about how you respond—through stimulating yourself while free of outside distractions—you will be in a better position to shift your own body movement during love-making to achieve more pleasure or to teach your partner how to stimulate you in the manner that is most likely to lead you to sexual pleasure and eventually to orgasm." Interestingly, sex researcher Kinsey found that almost all women who masturbate can do so to orgasm. So, learning how to have a climax is learning how to produce one for yourself, hence Barbach's book title, "For Yourself."

But learning how to generate your own orgasm takes some fun experimentation and practice. Where should you start? At the mirror! Many therapists recommend this, and they have devised numerous exercises which are outlined in their writings. But for this short article I'll mention only one: getting to know your genitals. It is amazing to learn that many women have never bothered to look at their genitals in a mirror. They have no idea what their lover sees when he or she looks between their legs. Many women don't know where their clitoris is B and in order to achieve an orgasm, that's one address you'll need to locate! It's recommended that you find a private spot with good lighting where you won't be disturbed B your bedroom or the bathroom should work well. If you have a full-length mirror, that's good. Also use a hand mirror. When nude, lay or sit back, bend your knees and spread them wide. Situate the hand mirror so you can see your genitals clearly. Observe their exterior shape then, with your fingers, spread open your outer lips. See the beauty of your inner lips. Find your clitoris at the top of your vulva; feel it where it emerges and travels down under its hood until it surfaces just above your vaginal opening. Now spread open your inner lips (labia), exposing your vaginal opening and the urethral opening. A part of being successful with orgasms is appreciating your genitals, enjoying their appearance, marveling in how they function and relishing the sensations they provide, free of charge.

While you examine yourself, experiment with different touches to see what sensations they evoke. If you happen upon a movement or touch that you find enjoyable, repeat it. There's no need to be goal (orgasm) oriented at this point; just spend some time getting to know yourself, and repeat this exercise often. If you should play long enough and correctly enough to lead to an orgasm, great! But if you're new to masturbation, it is probably best to just take your time. Don't forget to explore other sensitive parts of your body as well—your breasts, thighs, tummy, buttocks, etc.

Learning to become orgasmic (or learning to improve your orgasm skills) doesn't need to cost anything; many women have launched their experimentation on their own and achieved marvelous success (reading the testimonials on this website is evidence of that). But for anything as important as achieving sexual control and satisfaction, it may pay to spend a little money for some aids that will help assure your success. This is especially true for the woman who has never had an orgasm and finds it difficult to get past the psychological barriers that hinder her sensations. The items I'm going to recommend for purchase are books; videos; toys and vibrators; and lubricants. Pick and choose from those things listed below; any or all of them are well worth the money when you consider the enjoyment that is in store for you. After all, you wouldn't think of learning how to swim without some lessons, a swim suit (although in some places that might be optional!), a pool, etc. Nor could you learn to cook without a range, a few pots and pans, and a cookbook. Becoming orgasmic is no different. Sexual pleasure for women usually doesn't just happen, presto, without some coaxing and some instruction. Make an investment in yourself; you ARE worth it!

Books

On this Website we have an extensive bibliography that lists many titles pertaining to masturbation and sexuality in general. Here I'll selectively list those titles that have step-by-step instructions on how to achieve female orgasms. Some are better than others so you might want to pick up a couple in order to find one that is best suited to you. By all means secure at least one and follow its instructions. You will be surprised by your success! Many of these are stocked by local bookstores (especially the chains such as Barnes and Nobel, Walden and Borders). Amazon.com has all of these available as well, over the Internet.

- How to Have An Orgasm...As Often As You Want by Rachel Swift (N.Y., Carroll & Graf Publishers, 1993; originally published in England by Pan Books Limited as Women's Pleasure). This is my first choice. Swift (a pseudonym for Dido Davies) isn't a sex therapist; she's a woman like you who had orgasm problems and decided to do something about it. Her book records her success and gives instructions on how you can repeat that success. It's witty and fun to read. One reader from New Zealand wrote, "Certainly worked for me. The style is relaxed and easy to read, and made me feel that I wasn't the only women in the world experiencing (or not!) these things. I recommend it highly, my lover (male) also found it useful." Another reader, in Boston, wrote, "This book is very straight and to the point. All the questions you could possibly have, have been answered. Very informative for those who don't know about female orgasms or those who think they know. Great for male readers-it gives them a very clear idea on where the most sensitive area is on a woman and how to touch her correctly and rhythmically to bring her to the most rewarding outcome. Great for women who have never had an orgasm who want to learn in private to make their mates eye open with surprise! Could not put it down-a must read for beginners..." So, there you have it! An excellent guide for a lifetime of intimate pleasure—either when alone or with a partner.

- For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Garfield Barbach, Ph.D. (Various editions have come out since the book was first printed in 1975; I have the inexpensive Signet paperback). There is an obvious reason this book has remained in print constantly for 25 years; it is excellent. And because it has been around for so long, it is readily available in stores selling used books (if you are on a budget). Unlike Swift, above, Barbach is a sex therapist if you want to get your advice from an "expert."

- The Woman's Book of Orgasm: A Guide to the Ultimate Sexual Pleasure by Tara Barker (Citadel Press, 1998).

- How to Have Multiple Orgasm by Janalee Beck (Avon, 1993). Once you've discovered how to have an orgasm whenever you want, you will probably want to "advance" to the next stage B multiple orgasms. Unlike men, women can often experience a string of orgasms and this guide shows you how to do that.

- Sex For One: The Joy of Selfloving by Betty Dodson (N.Y., Harmony Books, 1987). Betty's book is the classic on masturbation for women. It is readily available everywhere in the U.S. and it is excellent. See the reference to her videos below.

- Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman and Joseph Lopiccolo (Simon & Schuster, 1988). For women who are having trouble achieving orgasms, this is one of the most recommended guides.

- Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen (San Francisco, Down There Press, 1995). While this book doesn't have instructions on how to become orgasmic, it is a fantastic guide to overcoming many inhibitions which are limitations to sexual fulfillment.

- Five Minutes to Orgasm Every Time You Make Love-For Women Only by D. Claire Hutchins.

- Woman's Orgasm : A Guide to Sexual Satisfaction by G. K. Graber, et al. I haven't read these last two titles but they are available.

Videos:

Perhaps the best way for you to learn if your own sensations are really orgasms is to observe another woman experiencing a complete orgasm. Luckily, that can be easily and tastefully done with video tapes that I wholeheartedly recommend:

- The first tape is "Celebrating Orgasm; Women's Private Self-loving Sessions" by the sex therapist Dr. Betty Dodson (see her book listed above). On that tape you will see and hear Betty "coaching" several different women on how to achieve satisfying orgasms through various masturbation techniques. AND you will see each of them climax before your eyes. I am sure you will learn a lot that will enhance your own sexual experiences—either experiences while alone or with a partner.

- The second video which is a must-see for women wanting to learn all about vibrators is sex therapist Carol Queen's excellent one-hour tape—"Great Vibrations: An Explicit Guide to Vibrators." This instructional video should answer any and all questions about masturbation with vibrators for both men and women. Carol not only shows and talks about the vibrators, but she strips and demonstrates their use. And they work! Carol's frequent on-screen orgasms prove that. All told, Carol's "show and tell" session demonstrates about two dozen different vibrators. She incorporates a considerable amount of information about the variety of female sexual anatomy and arousal, lubrication and safety tips. Her frank discussion about female ejaculation and demonstration of this will convince anyone that female ejaculation is not only possible but also a fantastic experience to try for.

All of these videos, and many of the books listed above as well as vibrators below, are available from Good Vibrations, a woman-operated and owned store in San Francisco. You can order via mail order or online. Their catalog is online (http://www.goodvibes.com/) and there are many other good videos listed there. By all means consider ordering one or both of the above videos, however, because the visual and verbal quest you will receive should prove to be invaluable in your quest for orgasmic pleasure.

Vibrators and Toys:

In the two videos above, you will see the most-often recommended vibrator demonstrated: the Hitachi Magic Wand electric vibrator. It seems to be the favorite for many women. Don't think vibrators are a bad thing. For many women they will help bring about an orgasm which fingers never could do. You don't have to feel inadequate if you come to rely upon a device for your orgasms and you don't have to fear becoming dependent upon them if you make efforts to stimulate orgasms through other means as well. Vibrators come in many shapes and sizes; Good Vibrations (http://www.goodvibes.com/) has a complete line. The Hitachi is also available at many drug and department stores. It costs a bit but it will be worth the investment.

Many women like to masturbate with dildos or other objects. There is a wide variety of these items available; again we recommend Good Vibrations as a source if you don't have a store nearby which sells them. In many big cities in the U.S. and Europe there are "love boutiques" that specialize in lingerie, lotions, marriage aids and other sex-related items. Shop there for dildos and other toys as well.

Lubricants and Lotions:

While the vagina naturally generates lubrication during sexual arousal, sometimes the amount of lubrication is inadequate or it is learned that the addition of other lubricants enhances the sexual experience. What should you use?

There is a variety of personal lubricants on the market, the most popular being those that are water-based for non-sticky use and easy wash-up. Love boutiques and adult stores generally sell several brands and these are also available through mail order from outlets such as Good Vibrations (see link above). However, almost any drug store usually sells several brands that are very good. Look for Astro-Glide, K-Y (either in a tube or in liquid form in a small plastic bottle), or H-R Personal Lubricant (tube). These brands, and others, are generally in the section displaying other personal products and contraceptives (condoms) or next to the feminine hygiene products.

These over-the-counter personal lubricants are inexpensive and if you haven't tried them, I encourage you to do so. They tend to enhance sensitivity and they allow either fingers or objects used during masturbation to slip and slide without irritating friction. Liberal use of lubricants is essential for anal play and they may reduce discomfort during intercourse if you are short on natural vaginal moisture (this is especially a concern for post-menopausal women).

In Closing...

Surveys have shown that almost all women who have not experienced orgasm want to. Take your quest for sexual pleasure seriously. Sexual satisfaction is not only good for you, it is an important part of who you are and what you wish to become. Explore your body, study the resources we've listed, and indulge yourself as much as possible. You are a worthwhile person and there is no rational reason why you have to be without a full and enriching sexual life—regardless of whether you have a partner now or not.

And don't forget us here at Solo Touch. We want you to achieve success! Share your success story with others. While we do not have the resources to communicate personally with everyone who writes to us, we do want to post the narratives sent in about satisfactory masturbatory experiences. These are on the Web in order to provide encouragement and instruction to the tens of thousands of women who regularly access this site.

Finally, good luck! And enjoy yourself (often)!!

—Dave, Solo Touch's original Webmaster