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Homosexual Impulses and Sexual Reality

When I was a teenager in the 50s, I had two friends I frequently masturbated with. We never touched one another but watched each other, usually when we were ejaculating - and it was very exciting.

When I was 17, one of those friends was with me on a hot summer afternoon. We'd been swimming and afterwards sat in my car in our damp bathing suits, talking about girls. We both got horny and decided to pull our suits down and masturbate, sitting side by side in the back seat of my old plymouth sedan. I looked over at him, gently stroking his lovely, long penis, his suit around his ankles. I was doing the same. Both of us were sitting with our legs open wide.

I realized I really wanted to suck his cock, for the first time, as I never felt like it was anything I had wanted before. But that afternoon, I just looked at him, and his hand giving his cock so much pleasure, I wanted to close my lips around him and feel his slippery penis on my tongue.

So, I told him so, and he agreed, sort of. He stopped jerking and held his magnificent, hard cock still for me.

But when I positioned myself at his side and began to bend toward his cock, my mouth open and ready, he stopped me.

'Oh Serg,' he said. 'You old homo!'

Well the spell was gone. Those words just wilted my enthusiasm and I was so hurt. I can still hear his voice, almost 50 years later, as he said that.

Now, I think about it often. Having never sucked a man's penis, I find myself wanting to and wishing I had a friend who would enjoy it. I'm not even looking to have him suck me. I would just like to pleasure a male friend, but I am afraid of rejection - and, frankly, it's not easy to find a male friend when I'm older, to enjoy sexual times with.

It's like that refusal all those years ago, has remained with me.

No I am not gay, and have had wonderful sex with women and enjoyed pleasuring them, unselfishly. And, of course I have enjoyed pleasuring myself all these years and still do, often.

I just can't help wishing my friend, so many years ago, had just not been embarrassed (he was obviously fully aroused as I remember how his cock looked as I was about to take him in my mouth!) and let me pleasure him. The moment was destroyed and it could never be recovered.

I guess the lesson is, if a trusted male friend wants to perform oral sex for you, don't call him names. Relax and enjoy the love he wants to give to you! It may never happen again.

I'd enjoy your comments. Thanks. Sergio


Posted on: 2003-08-30 00:00:00 | Author: