No Dildo? Try a Snake!
I don't have a dildo.
However, I do have a stuffed animal snake (that I got from the zoo)...And that works perfectly fine. It's the right thickness and firmness (because it has a rattle in its tail), and all I do is stick a condom on it and it's just as good.
The best part is, nobody suspects anything if you just have a stuffed toy snake lying around the room!